What do you think about at 2:30am?

Well, most likely you're in your REM's - but for whatever reason I feel as wide awake as a football coach who's just gotten a cooler of Gatorade thrown on him... "Victor, I've got an opening Saturday for two more games to ref, can you help?"... ahm, sure... "Victor (Talkin' to Victor) remind yourself next time you're too GD old for that, and after doing your three.. and the other fella's two, you'll quickly remember - you're too GD old for five games." Uh huh, am.

"I think I'll just lay down at 8pm for an hour... set the alarm for 9:30 just in case - maybe go out and have beer - then come home and crash"... BEEP-BEEP... "No way".. snooze... BEEP-BEEP... "Huh uh", snooze... Repeated that scenerio until 12:30 am, then figured "nah, too late to go anywhere.." back asleep... . so, Gatorade bath at 2am, and here I be.

"Where was your blog yesterday?"... Eh, I dunno.. I at least like to TRY to be creative and I've sat (set? Help me Misty) down here numorous times - and it's like there's butterflies up there in that mush and I can't keep my mind focused on anything but one thing. (And no, not tellin')

So, all I can do is toss out this idle crap. We're almost through what has historically been the coldest month of the year. THANK GOODNESS. It's my hope for you there's more balance than bills - but this timea year I get those fingernail on the chalkboard feelings everytime I hear the GD furnace blower come on. Were you aware of how often that sum-bitch comes on at 2:30 in the morning? Lots.

I'd liketa be in Florida (yes Catom, I remember "but whatabout the bugs? The humidity?).. or Alabama.. or Southern Texas... or Arizona.. or SoCal... or Maui.. or ona cruise... Never been ona cruise - and if you have - don't tellme, I'm envious. I wanna live, I wanna fly - I don't want: Missouri, you die. The dream probably ne'er to be is to sell my house, cash in the 401K, and head for Key West - rent a small place - and getta job somewhere 'happy' - and just enjoy wrinkling up this old albino skin even faster.

I'd put everything but "I just want the expensive stuff... you know, the antiques" (Been five years, they' still here) in storage. Oh, maybe $500 wortha crap - ina storage bin that in 8 months or so I will remember "Whyinthehell didn't you just have a humongous garage sale? Auction? And gotten the hell outta Dodge."

I woke up in the wet spot the other night. NO, mind outta gutter dammit. Cat claws + Waterbed = wet spot. Now there've been a few years past where being the "hero" meant volunteering for the wet spot - not this time. I was still halfasleep - and I kinda hit the panic button. HUH? She's still here? The last five years has been justa dream? I remember when it happened - it was like a panic. NO! NO! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! There I was again - only the panic was in the other direction. NO! NO! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! Whilst she was a good lady - and we held many a great conversation - when the shit happened - and little sayings like "like I say" rang and ring through my brain - I literally panicked again - but it was a safe panic - cause maybe now I'm officially through the forest. I guess I always have been a little slow at some shit. I believe in tomorrow, I just wish that bastard would get here soon.

I'm so very sorry this crap is "all about me" - but I guess too that's just whata blog is. I mean, I'll talk to the cats - but them fuggers don't talk back - so this is my release (since there ain't no more wet spots!)...

Of tomorrow I'm excited, scared, happy, pensive.... I've learned paint doesn't last on walls forever. Learned the views of 'til death do us part' mean until I do, or, until I wanna see what it's like screwing this other person for awhile - whichever comes first. BITTER? VICTOR ARE YOU BITTER? No, frankly, I'm quite happy. There are no guarantees in life - but I guarandamnteeya I choose to live life happy. I WILL have fun. I AM having fun. No, I'm not reminding myself - it's with me every minute - every day. I see some scorn, worry, diss in others - I try to takea deep breath and think "nope, not gonna let that happen to me. It ain't worth the consternation." "REF? REF? How come you called that offensive foul on us.. and you NEVER call all the defensive fouls on them?" Jack, you ignorant slut - it'sa 1st and 2nd grade basketball game...

SHIT. Sorry, furnace just came back on. Oh, yeah, I slip from time to time - but still to me, life's all about having fun or not... and I am, and am gonna.

July, btw, is typically the warmest month here. Please don't fret - it's only 154 days away. Hehe. May your life be filled with happy, tropical sun, and wet spots. Love, Victurd.