Am I an "ordinary guy"????

I read the Kansas City Star for a lotta reasons... I'm still a halfass sport's addict.. I read the obits so I won't be embarrassed and ask "how's so-and-so" and learn the hard way... I love the local section... Seeing how old celebrities are... and laughing thru the horoscopes that say good fortune is coming my way.

I shudder and pretty much bypass the news in Iraq... local shootings/stabbings... Local and National Political squabbles... virtually anything sad, mean, ugly - where I think I will think after I've read it "why did I read that?"

Onea my favorite sites is newsoftheweird.com.... Done by a feller named Chuck Shepherd - it takes a look at none of the above.. it's generally good for some laughs and a few "NO WAY!"s... In Mr. Shepherd's FAQ he states "If you're just an ordinary guy or gal running a hobby publication or website, you have my permission to link to News of the Weird, and you have my permission to reprint a few stories, from time to time, with attribution to News of the Weird."

There could be great debate as to whether I'm an "ordinary guy".. I mean JC I've had a moth fly in my ear (I swear for twenty minutes he switched back and forth between the drum solo's in Inna Godda Davita and Wipe Out - got the little sucker though.. in the ER - still alive).. a buddy once threw a dart across the room and it stuck in my knee... I once went up the Courthouse steps - in a Jeep... I once had a testi the size of a softball.. Some buds and I gotta contracted job painting - I painted my balls blue and walked out naked to show my buddies my blue balls. (Sadly true).. and, close your ears: I've 'sharted' before. Carrying on, let's pretend I'm ordinary:

"In October, the Rhode Island Supreme Court entered a final judgment for Charles "Chick" Lennon, 68, against the manufacturer of a penile implant he had received in 1996 but which perpetually remains somewhat erect. (He says he has to wear a fanny pack in front to conceal it.) He had originally won $750,000 for his pain and humiliation, reduced to $400,000, but then back up to $950,000, which he is scheduled to receive." DUMBASS, I'D BE PAYING THE DOCTOR THAT AMOUNT.

An Art teacher in Virginia was fired after it was discovered he was seen on the internet dipping his butt in paint and creating "butt art" on a blank canvas. Shit, I wonder if he read the blog here about life being a blank canvas - make it what you want.

From the "I wonder if they too had cataracts" page: Gas Pedal? Brake Pedal? Whatever... Of elderly drivers and confusion: Age 89, Dearborn, Mich. backed into his own garage, panicked, accelerated into a neighbor's house across the street... age 89, New London, Conn - plowed through a summer festival crowd, injuring 27... age 86, Brookfield, Wis. - drove through front doors of a McDonald's, hehe, "Honey, I'm going to go getme onea them AARP discounted Egg McMuffins, brb."... age 84, Tamarac, Fla. - backed over her landlord, then panicked and drove over him again, then panicked and backed over him again, with one of the drive-overs fatal..

"Police in Groningen, Netherlands, announced that a 40-year-old man whom they had previously counseled had once again resumed his compulsion to rummage through garbage seeking discarded tampons (and leaving notes for the discarders)" <-- EWW, I don't think I'da even read that in the Star!!!

I LOVE A PARADE: "Pamela Majdan, 23, was charged with domestic battery in Wood Dale, Ill., on Memorial Day after allegedly repeatedly beating her sister, Joyce, 31, in a dispute over who had caught the most pieces of candy tossed during the town's holiday parade."

WELCOME TO WALMART: Even though protests grow against Wal-Mart for supposedly treating its employees badly, Kellie Guderian is not fazed. In October, she and her husband won Iowa's $200 million Powerball lottery, but she cheerfully said she was keeping her job at the Fort Dodge Wal-Mart. Guderian, said her husband, "loves her job, and the people she works with are like family." YEAH!!! That's JUST what I'd do!!!

Thanks for the "up" Chuck. Remember, if you do something weird... you know... like maybe sticking some pot up a body cavity so you can take on board a cruise ship.. .not to worry.. there's all kindsa weird shit out there!

Happy day, WeirdTurd...