Someone asked "what is old?"

Hell, I dunno. When I was a kid, old was anyone that drove – or, wore football pads. When I was in college, old was the professor who smoked the pipe. (No, not the kind professors nowadays smoke).

In my 30's, grandparents were old. In my 40's, World War II vets were old. As I sat eating breakfast the other day – the kids who worked at the joint literally hung out with this feller (hadta be in his 80's) who was old, and sharp as hell. I idolize that guy, and hope I'm the same way – not opinionated about youngsters…

When I got my GD (gosh darn) AARP literature in the mail on my 50th, I felt old – and pissed – and in disbelief. There's a chick at work I now hate, 'cause her boyfriend got in a fistfight with "an elderly guy.. you know, he was 50." No, I don't really hate her – and I was in fact gonna get outta my chair and argue that point with her – but my body ached too much to get up – so I didn't….

Old is the mold on that honey bun. Old is a yellowed newspaper. Old is World War I. Old is 8-track, black-and-white TV, separate drinking fountains/restrooms for the different colors. Old is an opinion that "my opinion is the only opinion." Old is relatives on their third night in your home. Old is hearing a Vegas slot machine on your 4th day there.

Old is a half gallon of January 11 milk today. Old is "talkies". Old is Amos and Andy, Barney, Opie, Aunt Bea, Clem Kadiddlehopper, Car 54, Johnny Cash, Sky King, Mickey Mantle, Willie Nelson, George Sr, Grandpa Munster, The Lone Ranger, Ed Ames, Mr. Ed, Mr. Rogers, Mr. Potato Head.

Old is getting your coffee at McDonalds for 20% less.. Old is the bottom cheeseburger closest to the counter. Old is "when you grow up." Old is when you remember going to your job. Old is when you don't remember going to your job. Old can be peeing your pants and forgetting your name. Old can be 24/7 ambulatory in Golden Acres.

Old is the last clean pair of undies flipped the day prior to laundry day. Old is the load ya forget to get outta the washer from yesterday. Old is the pair of jeans waaaaay down there in the closet that ya ain't seen in three years. Old is the waist size of the pair of jeans waaaaay down there in the closet ya ain't seen in three years. Old is Nehru jackets.. Old is white saddle oxfords..

Old is the first Rocky. Old is the most recent Rocky. Old is a Cherry Mash. Old is Dot Candy. Old is a pencil sharpener. Old is a 45, a 33. Old is a flashbulb camera. Old is tomorrow. Scary ain't it? Old is the open but half drank beer in the fridge from Saturday night… Old is snail mail. Old is perfect handwriting (and grammar.) <-- old is forming opinions like that! Old is a photograph of when you were younger. Old is a photograph of when your parents were younger.

Getting old is all of us. Old is a state of mind. When the mind goes, old is the state. We ain't gotta get old. Ask that guy at the grocery store yapping with the young punks. He ain't old.

Old is yur pants hiked up too high and complaining about the Government. Old is having to pay into social security. Old is social security. Old is retirement. Old is greeting folks at WallyWorld.

Old is some idiot who continues to babble about a topic that's getting old. Old is overstaying your welcome. Oh, you mean me? Ok you old bastard, I'll quit. Now whothehell are you and why are you here? With elderly love, Victurd.