"Hi sir... I'd like to purchase some paint that'll last me until the enda time... You know, like the initial premise of that stupid Meatloaf song... Whaddya got?"
Well sir, we have 10-yr warranty paint, 20 year warranty and 25 year warranty paint. "Well GD... sorry sonny boy, know it ain't your fault... but I hope to kiss a pig I'll be around longer than that. Let's first work on hues."
Well... we have Jaaaahnson County blue... "Nah, too GD hustle-bustle-uppity-uppity-no dirt under my fingernails for me... what's next?"... Parkville Pink? "Nah, thanks.. but no thanks.. I see Zona Rosa and it's cool and all - but I want history... a little bit-a history if I'm gonna look at this paint day in day out until the day I pee my pants and forget my name.."
Ahm, we have KC and the Sunshine Yellow... "No... thanks... all lit up like that, hell, we may get robbed at night... and, too GD chirpy for me... I wanna place where I can wake up... no worries.. no arguments... A softer hue."
Well, we paint-mixers are kinda passionate people, are you saying you don't want passion? "Hell no sonny I ain't sayin' that, in fact, you're barkin' up my GD tree now.. I don't want some unnoticable paint where I'll go thru the motions and the days will run out.. I want a paint that'll be passionite, like you say... and where from time to time it'll disagree with me - and do so with that GD passion ura talkin' about... More, tell me more.."
Well, we have this new 'flavor'... It ain't too bright, ain't too soft.. ain't shiny as hell, and ain't dull as hell.. It comes in virtually every color and every tint of the rainbow - a very versatile "been there, done that" kinda paint - yet new to the market...
"Lemme askya friend... is this paint sooooo ecologically perfect, so 'forgetful of what's underneath from all the years... so GD nice I could get naked, dip my body in it.. and rub up agin the walls as I see fit?" Well sir, I hadn't heard it put quite like that, but yes... this paint will cover up all the scars from yesteryear - and whilst you will know they are under there - it'll be like a brand new start for you. "More sonny, keepa goin'"...
Well... you know, since there are miles and miles on your walls.. it won't exactly look new - but then agin' it won't have that "hey look at me... I got it goin' again - I'm 50 goin' on 35 look" sheen/fad where you'll haveta repaint again in five years... "Yeah, yeah.. more, keepa goin'." Sir, I believe you'll like it.. Again, it covers your past - but won't let you forget... it'll bring you brighter tomorrows - but without the GD fake sheen... and it'sa tone you can admire, be passionate about... have a whole lotta fun with... and have a peaceful ride out whilst you stare at it.
Is there any guarantee attached to this 'new flavor' you be spoutin' about? "On this one sir, no.. I'm sorry - there are no guarantees.." Well what if I only purchase a gallon now.. and then I just test it for awhile.. you know, likea halfa gallon.. are you saying it won't get all stale.. there won't be pressure if I try to open and there won't be a blown lid? "I wasn't gonna tell you this sir - but since you've pressed this far... I will tell you this is what we call our AARP paint." Bastards, the fuckin' bastards... Oh, Ok, after lookin' at all them GD discounts they offered, I reckon I won't be offended in the future to ask for one.. Hehe, been a lotta years since I had my ID checked... this could be fun... carry on."
Well... the AARP paint has been tested and tested over time. There have been errors, spilt paint, splattering, and even some running in the tests of time we've run... "Yeah? More, more." Our experts, sir, have determined there is no such thing as perfection.. it's very rare nowadays for the same paint to stay on one's walls an entire lifetime. "Uh huh, agreed." So this is the concept from our experts. We figured people like you.. don't get offended, but people like you who've "been down that road before" will be looking for a painted future like this.
"Well, sonny boy, lemme shake your hand. I'm very appreciative of hearing what you say - and you can give thanks to your experts for knowing this 'paint-buying' experience - especially at my age - is a GD important thing." Well, I'm appreciative of the kind words sir... May I grab a few gallons for you?
"Well, I've learned, thankfully by now, not to make hasty decisions over time... I'm gonna think on this for a bit if you don't mind... I'm gonna try to envision those walls... and attempt to rule out this worry/that worry... but believe me - I won't forget where you're at... and the wonderful potential promise of the walls of tommorow."
Happy painting, however you make your strokes... love, Victurd
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