I'm gonna poop for six months and ten days.......

No, not because I had the "El Grande" meal at El Sombrero... this is in my life how much time Ill spend on the toilet... or your life/your throne... Just onea the statistics I found... You know, figuring 10 minutes a day, times 365 days a year.. times 75.9 years (average life expectancy now 77.9, figured I'd deduct a couple years for diapers)....

Sleep? Yes, I do, and lots. We, on average, spend 26 years, eleven months and five days asleep. THAT'S some shuteye....

Sex? You pervert, I knew you'd ask... I ain't real sure if I figured it correctly - but I kinda feel cool with my numbers 'cause I threw out the high (Jenna Jameson) and low (Victurd) to come up with an average number. I seena US Survey (I dunno if our tax dollars paid for it... but if they did, I say kudos to whomever had the nads to approve.. I like that style more than repairing some ole dumb bridge or Interstate road)... anyways.. "We" in our lifetime spend 38 days, 9 and 1/2 hours having sex. Ahm, the survey didn't say anything about whether this was with someone, but I assumed it was. And no, you GD perve (said with love) I didn't study how long we have 'independent' sex.

I wasa little disappointed in my internet surfing 'abilities' to come up with stats on how we spend our lives... so ifya know a good site, by all means, please share...

We'll spend 7 years, 2 months and 5 days watching TV. Oh, and did you know women will spend nearly 2 and 1/2 years on their hair in an average lifetime?

I also learned that in my life I'll spend $219,000 on cigarettes. If I suddenly quit, and started purchasing hookers, maybe I could catch up to the resta you guys on the sex thingy...

I dunno how many hours we'll spend in our life in an icestorm - but I think I've already exceeded how many I want to... Geez Louise was that bizarre? Sounded as if God unleashed barrels and barrels of "BB's" and they were falling into cardboard boxes.

I'd pulled ole' checkenginelight into HyVee for my weekly breakfast, parked in my normal downhill agin the curb (cause I ain't got P, only RNDL) - thought to self "self, howinthehell are you gonna get this thing back up the hill in this ice" - and then I worried about putting the foot on the ground and trying to remember where my current center of gravity is 'cause I ain't been to the gym in awhile.

Oh, then I got home and the cats were pissed (and dug in deeper to the waterbed more than I ever seen 'em).. Uh huh... Furnace was out. I quickly checked my email with my gloves on... Called Furnace guy (Dammit, it's the weekend) and $191.47 later ("Your thermastat was dirty sir, I took it apart and cleaned it") we had heat.

I wonder how many hours of our lives are spent cussing inside to our inner self? Brushing our teeth? Driving? Working? Eh, however you spend your time, it's my hope much of it is spent with smile... I'm gonna try to... Love, forever and ever (that's 284,335 days... or... 6,824,040 hours) Victurd