T-minus 9 hours, 43 minutes.. but who's counting....

Won't be driving the next few days, so went to HyVee to buy groceries..... Lemme see what I should mix up... Four Banquet frozen meals later - "That'll be 3.60 sir." Then, lass of 17 or so, hiccupped, started giggling, said something under her breath.. looked me in the eyes laughing and said "Either you're deaf or I'm going crazy, onea the two." If I hadn't written all these drippy, sappy blogs... if she wasn't sucha nice kid - I'd said "No, you ignoramous, I'm blind, NOT deaf." But I thanked her and went on.

Had dinner. Read the paper. The top US headline "Hubble telescope goes down... doubtful it can be restored to even one-third power. " Oh great, the biggest fucking lense on the planet, controlled by the richest, most powerful, technical savvy nation on the planet - and they can't keep it up. How am I to expect this friggin Classa '98 MU grad (just think, he probably sang "Teenage Mutent Ninja Turtles" and was Donatello on Halloween. Shit) to fix my lense?

Maybe I'll check the Horoscope - yeah, that's usually an upper... TONIGHT: "Beam in on what you want." NOT FUNNY KANSAS CITY STAR, NOT FUNNY AT ALL.

Home. "Hey, remember that chick with the green eyes had mentioned 'and you'll need to get this prescription filled - for you'll run out of it for sure." So... thought I'd better look in my bag. It's a nice bag - kinda like a purse. In fact, I have a purse for the right eye, and a purse for the left eye. I'm thinkin' about donatin' 'em to that feller that's gay that writes the Sex Column ina local 'rag' here. He might like 'em.

Ok... let's see the instructions. T-minus 9 hours, 3 minutes, but who's counting.

TWO DAYS BEFORE SURGERY........... (Oh shit. I fucky up.) "Start Vigamox & Nevanac 1 drop of each 4 times a day in operative eye including the morning of the surgery." Since the mush all around the cornea is white, would it be OK to tell a white lie when they ask if I've been takin' the medicine - "uh huh." My GD email at work already says "will return 2/2"... my viocemail at work has been changed to a half-crying ".... cataract surgery.. many of you I've never met.. .now.. who knows if I will EVER see you." Or maybe it was something like out 1/31 and 2/1, back 2/2, can't remember.

THE NIGHT BEFORE SURGERY..
"Shower or bathe the night before surgery or the morning of the surgery." Hey, gym doesn't close until 10pm... mebbe if I went and ran two miles - didn't shower - then they wouldn't wanna get close enough to ask me if I've been takin' my meds...

THE DAY OF SURGERY PRIOR TO ARRIVAL
"Take your prescribed medications unless otherwise instructed. Wash your face with anti-microbial soap." (I wonder if that crap I bought at Dollar General is anti-microbial?) Wear a button down shirt, preferably short sleeves and those cute little Haines Boxer Briefs you wear." Ok, perhaps editorialized a bit.

CRIMINY! If, due to not reading the damn 'structions until the night before - whadif my eye falls out due to infection? Oh well, there ain't no good place to put all my change in checkenginelight.. I guess I could use the cavity for that. I could be like Fred Arbanas - you know, the former KC Chief receiver who hada glass eye... He usedta get the scaboozie knocked outta him - and sometimes his eyeball would fall out... He'd walk up to ref (on purpose) and say "Excuse me sir.. (hand him the eyeball and say) "Can you help me with this?" YES, YES, I FRIGGIN LOVE PRACTICAL JOKES. I BET I COULD HEAR VANDA LAUGHIN' IN HEAVEN IF I DID!

Back sometime... I'm going to take more drops. T-minus 8 hours, 57 minutes, but who's counting. Love, One-eyed Jackturd.