For the life of me I can't remember the saying. Dammit Catom, helps me here woman. It's about life - how it is perceived it should be lived... then, the other option is where you go like hell and come sliding in - or something or other. I guess ya hadta see the quote - maybe you've seen it.
(CATOM CAME TO THE RESCUE - THANKS!!! IT'S ... "Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting -- "HOLY MOLY! WHAT A RIDE!".....)
What I'm getting to - is - I'm really quite tickled to still be on this planet! Onea the first sentences I remember hearing was my mother on the phone telling someone "yes, Victor is quite accident prone." Your list certainly could be as long, mebbe longer, and I have no idea whyinthehell I'm doing this other than - I feel pretty good for an old fart, and it seems like there's been a lotta shit in the past!
Age 3, had a metal car.. the driver's head went around in circles as you spun it. His head eventually fell off, leaving a nifty sharp hole. With the right index finger in the hole, I pushed the car with my left hand. It still spun. 4 stiches.
Age 4, ran (full speed) toward glass door, arm out straight ahead to open it.. damage: one pane, 5 stitches to interior of right elbow.
Age 7. Neighbor throws bone in my direction. Bone hits head. Bone sharp. 3 stitches right by eyebrow.
Age 8. Down a flight of 16 steps, doing somersaults (unintended) - land on chin. 4 stitches.
Age 9, surveyor's post 'on accident' swung into backa head by next door neighbor. 3 stitches.
Age 12. Broken finger, hit by pitch.
Age 17. Me and Al - played HS football. Third gamea year. I hit someone (Ok, a lie.. someone hit me) so GD hard - I heard birdies tweeting, everything went black for about a minute.. then white... next thing I know I's on the bench next to my buddy Sanford. I remembered him. However, Coach later says "You Ok Vic?".. Uh huh.. "Then go back in at Safety." K. (whispering to Sanford "hey... what's a safety do?" <-- I'd played it all year.) Concussion.
Age 17 and 1/2. Crappy ass arm tackle during Me and AL HS football practice - broken arm, end of season for me... but I gotta sit in the middle of the pep squad for the remaining games, so somehow it wasn't quite as bad.
Age 19. Fraternity pledge. As we sat in the TV room at the house the first night of Hell Week - we had on a jockstrap, a gunny sack fora shirt, and our hands were bound behind our backs. Onea the actives threw a full beer to another active, bastard couldn't catch - straight to my cheekbone, 3 stitches.
Age 20, broken thumb, intramural football.
Age 22. broken other thumb, old men's softball.
Age 25. Teacher/coach. Playing pickup basketball game with students. One very big student with very long arms accidentally swung his very long arm in my direction as he was rebounding and his very hard knuckles landed acutely on my nose. Deviated septum. First, and only time I've ever done cocaine. Uh huh, true. Doc stuck four long needle looking things (dipped in 10% liquid cocaine solution) into each nostril. Then.. he got on toppa me and pressed with all his might to get the nose a goin' back down the center of my face.
Age 25. Broking pinky finger, city league basketball.
Age 27. Moth flies in ear. Shares my pad for 20 minutes. Fluttering.
Age 33. I'd quit teaching to become a bonified suitcase loader (@ $10,000 more per year.) Had a late suitcase come.. happened to be a Chinese persons (which meant filled with lead, large, and weighing 100+ lbs.).. I picked it up, swung it one handed toward the cabin door - and just as I did they backed up the plane. I stopped in mid-flight. Separated shoulder. Two month recovery.
Age 34. The Vas. "Sure honey, I'll do it if you help me get the sample after the GD thing." K - deal. Cut on by doc... few days later "Vic, we need a sample." K... Honey? Ready? "Nope, not doing it." GD renigger... oh, but after I 'collected' she had the watoosies to say "so.... do you feel like a cigarette now?" Hehe.
Age 44. Whatshername went to grocery store. "It's a nice day, would you mind taking me to the high school track - I'd liketa run a few laps." When she returned from store to pick me up - I was laying in the grass... torn left meniscus, ortho surgery a few days later.
Age 50. The hydrocele surgery. In layman's terms, I had one nut bigger than the other. Something abouta valve not closing properly - progressed over the years to it's then current grapefruit size. Now, newly separated (to be divorced) I wasn't an official "layman" - but there was one chicky I'd gone out with a few times - and I spose I wondered in the backa my mind - would this be the first 'post-whatshername'? Anyways, surgery on my ball.. I wake up.. Don't dare look down there.. so... look across the room. Guess who's the recovery room aide? Uh huh. Her - the one chicky. Embarrassing.
Age 52. Royal's Stadium - company work party. "Victor (he said to Victor) why don't you graba football outta the trunk and show these young pups you still got it?"... Roughly 18 passes later, one lands on the tip of my left index finger - finger was extended tersely straight out. Broken. Now it ain't straight out.
Age 53. Choked on french fry, temporarily passed out, went down 40' embankment in Gracie's car. No bumps, no bruises, no breaks, pride all that was hurt.
Age 53. Peach's basement. Coughing spell (mebbe combo bronchitis/cigs) and I blacked out, went down in a heap. Pretty damn embarrassing as I lay on the floor staring up at 14 eyeballs. "Victor, can we get you anything?!!!!" Ahm, a do-over maybe?
Thrown in there somewhere are bruises, 3 dog bites, 3 separate occasions - direct blows to jaw - thought sure was broken each time, dart thrown from 20' and stuck in my knee, firecracker off in hand (twice), more cuts, ER false alarm trips, sprains, strains, and automobiles <-- three wrecks and one nasty case of gout.
I guess what I'm getting to - if I can make it through all that crap - it should be cinchy tomorrow getting eyeball sliced on. I mean the bastards have cut on/around my nut TWICE in my lifetime - I can do it.. I can do it...... Can't I? Hehe.
I have no friggin idea as to how my eyesight will be in relation to typing a goofy blog the next few days. Oh well. Happy happy. "Now it's time to say goodbye to all our company. M-I-C (see you real soon - I friggin hope), K-E-Y (why? because we like you). M-O-U-S-E." Love, Victurd.
1 comment:
Victurd Mouse,
I have "blind faith" in your doctor.
Will you be OK?-- the "eye's" have it!!!
I think after all the accidents in the past, you have surely been utilizing some angel who must really like you!!! And just think, she has warning about tomorrow. It's a scheduled need!!
Good luck, C.J.
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