World, Ma....
Look what they've done to my World, Ma
See my beard? Ain't it weird?
Holy guacamole....
In trying to think what today 'feels like', I ain't sure if there's anything from the past that likens....
Recess in 3rd grade on St. Pattys Day where you didn't wear green was horrid, but no, not as bad as this...
Maybe one discovering better half with a 'better' half? Sure, I bet painful, but still, you could spit at 'em....get closer'n 6 feet.
We have varying degrees of 'oh shit'. Some, glued forever'n a day to the easy chair, phone up the Piggly Wiggly to get the groceries delivered to the front porch... daring only to PRNDL thru the CVS for meds in one's BVD's.
Thenagain, some trump all, run, hug one another..scoff... no shoppy where ya gotta wear a mask... the media did it, in the library, with Chinese checkers.
I guess I'm somewhere 'tween. You?
I love the Amish, I do. I admire admire admire 'em. Different is ok to them. Maybe we're different. I can't help but think of the Amish though, when I walk in Wally World and see scores coming out the exit in their masks... Amishlike, kinda sorta.
Speakin' o masks... mebbe SOME good... one, we ain't gotta put up with another's halitosis... two, you gotta big ole zit the size of Mount Etna, it don't matter.
Three. You can 'cuss someone out' silently with your lips- and they'.ll never know it. Run into someone who you can't stand their guts? Lip to 'em, silently, "I can't stand your guts!".. We gotta make this fun - somehow.
One of my father's favorite whispers was "do you suffer much?" - which, when staring at his lips, he appeared to be saying "you S... O.... B.." Try it in the mirror. Uh huh! Well, with a mask, insteada miming 'do you suffer much', you can actually lip the "you S.... O... B" and they'll never know!
Can you imagine a dating site today? Hmmm...wonder if he/she has a huge snoz? Overbite? Scars? All of the above? Do you kiss thru fabric? Sit three seats apart at the movie theater? One in the front seat driving, your date in the back? I'd be lookin' for one resembling Olive Oil. Honey, can you pass me the salt?
We ain't six feet under, but mebbe six feet to the side is nearly as yucky.
A couple of weeks ago, I was tested for Covid. Negative, thanks. They stuck that dadgum thing so far up my nostril, I wondered if it sprang thru my scalp and I looked like Alfalfa?
Next to Sudoku, Golf, Miller Lite and naps - is people watching for me. Responses to Covid-19 are extreme.. Tepid in the aisles in the grocery store. I've actually turned around and walked to the next aisle to get past the slow poke camped in the veggy can goods section. People walk right past one another, stare, kinda like grade school.. "wonder if he/she has cooties?"
Sad it is to see the children. At school's end, my cousin's daughter (a kindergarten teacher) took goodie bags to the homes of her students. Some ran out and hugged, some, seeing her in her mask, took a fearful step back before finally agreeing to reach her extended hand to retrieve the goodies. Being a kid as a kid was tough enough - this is molasses and sand thrown on toppa that for the kiddos today.
Where do we go? What will tomorrow look like? Trying to foresee is like working on a 1,000 piece puzzle of nuttin' but blue sky. Blue skies, smilin' at me, howninthell tomorrow fits, beats the heck outta we.
Will we ever hear "Take me out to the Ballgame" again? And the home of the CHIEFS?... Can we watch the game and simulate 'the wave' on Zoom?
Obviously, this virus is not funny. Aside from the illnesses, deaths, the emotional and financial turmoil brew,. I think ya gotta throw a Dave Berry, George Carlin, David Letterman, Red Skelton mebbe even Allen Sherman in upon occasion so we can all remember what it feels like to laugh (even though with mask, we can't see it.)
Hello Muddah, hello Faddah,
Here I am at, Camp Corona..
Camp is very, entertaining,
And they say we'll have some fun when we stop quarantining
I went hiking, with Joe Spivey - he is sucha, big big giver..
He started sneezing, really badly, so bad I had to push him in the river.,..
You remember, Leonard Skinnard.
We all ran when he said he coudn't taste his dinner.
Now I don't want, this to skeerya,
But my roommate, bad case'a diarrhea..
You remember, Jeffrey Hardy,
Temp of 102 last night at the party.
Take me home oh Muddah Faddah,
Take me home, I hate Corona
Don't leave me out in the hills,
Where I might get, fever, cough and chills...
Take me home, I promise to wear my mask,
Do my chores, clean my room, any given task.
Oh please don't make me stay,
I've been here one whole day!
Dearest Faddah, darling Muddah,
How's my precious, little Bruddah?
Let me come home, if you miss me,
I would even let Aunt Bertha Kiss me (provided she wears her mask.)
Wait a minute, we stopped quarantining,
Fauci said we can all swim, we started singing
Playing baseball, social distancing, what better?
Muddah Faddah kindly disregard this letter.
By Henry Gibson,
Love, Victurd
