Exit, stage left

“Every exit is an entry somewhere else.” Tom Stoppard

I always feel weird on an airplane in the exit row… After 23 seconds of instruction, introduction, then, she looks you directly in the eyes and you’re asked “are you ready, willing, and able to assist in the in the event of an emergency.” Gulp, I think to myself, “sure, if everyone promises not to laugh at the mess in my drawers.”

Buddy, Rock Chalk variety, a few years back (2012), in New Orleans “purposely” on a sales trip, coinciding with the Final Four the Jayhawks happened to be playing Ohio State in the Mercedes Benz Superdome. “Hmmm, I’ll just by a ticket from a scalper.” A nice buy, nosebleed, but only a hunnerd Georges. Cool. Up he went, handed it to the ticket taker, “I’m sorry sir, your ticket is counterfeit, you’re going to have to exit.” Damn, damn, damn, he thought. A cop was nearby. He ranted, he raved, he vocalized, he complained.. to the cop, it was almost like a marriage argument. Finally the cop said “OK OK.. look, I’m going to go open the door, I’ll let you in, you come shake my hand and there better be something in it.” Uh huh, true story. I never asked how much.

New hire. I like most folks, I do, but this guy was kinda unlikable. Well, he liked himself (a lot), maybe why unlikable. He was late, three days of the first week he worked here. Grace given. It was our busy season. A body in the chair 7 hours and 40 minutes was better than empty for 8 hours. The next week, Tuesday, late. “There was a bad glare with the sun, I missed the exit.” Uh huh.

Anudder buddy. He/his wife, every Saturday, nine holes, same course. This particular Saturday, there was a motorcycle infronta them. The young lady on back happened to be wearing a skirt. And up under this skirt was a thong. He knew that, because the wind kept blowing the skirt upward. He missed the exit to the golf course. His wife wouldn’t talk to him for a week.

“If you can’t enhance, elevate or encourage – Exit.” Charmaine J. Forde

More buddies. Few years back. Opening Day, Hoch on the mound. They imbibed in one more beer than they shoulda – made it inside the gate shortly after the first inning. Folks were already heading to the exits. “Huh?”. Yep, 7-0, visitors.

La Benite Park, a little park by the Mighty Mo. Victor, you’ve told this one before. Scram, as in exit. Fitteen Siga Ma Nu brothers, one of which was 21. We brought him not only because we loved him, but because he could buy the beer. By the river banks we tipped ‘em. Sugar Creek cops pull up, two man crew. Damn. Abruptly, 48 cans of Bud tossed in the river. Lead cop walks up.. “How old are you?” 21 sir. “And you?” 22.. “You?” 21… and so forth on down the repetitive line. Upon reach the end of the line, he glances at his partner, then back at us shaking brothers.. and said “Well then, HOW COME YOU’RE THROWING ALL THAT GOOD BEER IN THE RIVER?” They both knee slapped as they exited.

Old fart (pun perhaps intended) Sunday night weekly basketball gathering. Great big guy. Undisguised Flatulence. OMG. It was so bad. How bad was it? We ALL headed for the exit, he literally cleared the gym. He guffawed as we left. I had not experienced that bada smell since 11th grade when we dissected a fetal pig.

You’ve seen the meme. Street sign “Electric Street” and just under it, “No outlet.” Twin Drive in, trunk exits. Senior skip day. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. A recent movie, to me/us, really really raunchy, but funny as all get out. Her folks went a week later, ten minutes in, they got out, as in exited.

Town in Puerto Rico, the bridge, their only way to exit to the rest of the homeland, washed out. Damn. Prayers for cargo dropping helicopters giving the needed food, water, medicine.

A friend recently told me he started dating a widow. Her first man to date since. After a year or so, he heard “I cannot see me ever living without you, move in.” He did. A good time, a very good time he said. After roughly three years, he said she said “There’s no spark. I mean, after all, you are the first one I’ve been with.” He was given 30 days notice to exit. Yep, he told me he/they signed a contract to that effect. Poor dude, he probably shoulda known after having to sign a contract.

Famous exits. Here’s Johnny goes bye bye. Letterman. Leno. O’Brien, Conan.. oh, and that dude O’Brien on Fox. Mash. Detective John Kelly, NYPD Blue.

Leaving, on a jet plane. Candle in the wind. Don’t think twice it’s all right. Seeya later alligator. Bye bye happiness.. Ya just hop off the bus Gus.

You say yes (I say yes) I say no (But I may mean no)
You say stop (I can stay) and I say go go go (Till it's time to go), oh
Oh no
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello hello

So long, farewell auf Wiedersehen, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

“How you leave the reader is so important – not the climax; I call it the exit feeling.” Patrick Ness

(Love, toodles, Snagglepuss and Victurd)

People try to put us down……..

Just because we ge’ge’ge’t around……

BOOM, 1946 to 1964… Wiki relates “Baby Boomers are associated with a rejection or redefinition of traditional values.” Damn straight. While I know it REALLY sucked that in our little town, early on black kids had to sit in the balcony at the theater, couldn’t sit at the counter at the Drug Store, had to live ‘here’, couldn’t move ‘there’.. – we kids didn’t know any difference in coexisting with one another. (Thankfully, those wrongs were MOSTLY righted, and our generation held great responsibility in getting them righted. No, we still ain’t perfect, but our mutual goal is to carry on MLK’s idea of love.) We share a dream.

Music. Was at the Royal’s game the other night, musta been 25 or so Millennials, fitteen of ‘em or so in the back of a pickup like we usedta do.. and blaring from speakers, was basically the Top 40 from WHB in the 60's, 70's... They were boppin’, jivin’, bouncin’, feelin’, happy. Walked by, told ‘em “we LOVE that you like old people’s music!”…… WHO DOESN’T? From Aretha to ZZ, Boomer music will live on long after we’re in the grave, urn, heaven or hell.

We didn’t have, need Grand Theft Auto, we had 3D slot cars, Matchbox cars and dirt.

We learned from Captain Kangaroo, Mr. Green Jeans, Howdy Doody, Rocky & Bullwinkle, M I C, K E Y, M O U S E, + Timmy and Lassie, Kukla/Fran.. right from wrong with Goofus, Gallant, Wally/Eddie…

We too had holes in our jeans, but they were most likely handed down from big brother/big sister, with a patch ironed on over the knees.

We were in motion. God love all the teachings that can be done today whilst staring into a 3” by 6” phone screen – but dad gummit we moved. We did the twist in the Dodgeball circle (of course, got reprimanded, hence the redefinition of traditionaly values label.).. We climbed monkey bars, trees, telephone poles, roofs.. we jumped the brook. We sent Jimmy right over, Red Rover. We chased lightning bugs.. We kicked the can. We threw big curves with the whiffle ball, and perfected placement hitting with Indian ball. We were, Christmas Story.

We didn’t need 21 gears on our bike, we (back then) could peddle a Schwinn up the hill with the best of ‘em. We didn’t swerve around on Minecraft, Mario Kart, or dodge Angry Birds. We forged creeks, hills, stone walls, vines… barefooted.

Call us whatever you want, generation Jones, alpha boomers, hippies, yippies, yuppies, zoomers, cuspers.. just don’t call us too late to the dinner table, or don’t tell us “you can’t do that.”

We (well, I speak for group, not necessarily personally!) thrived economically. Marketing happened. The age wave theory suggests economic slowdown as we step away from the business world. In addition to passing inheritance on to children, many boomers give to charities as well.

We weren’t entitled, we collected pop bottles, turned ‘em in, bought baseball cards and wax bottles (Nik-L-Nips).. as we aged, if there was something we couldn’t afford, we simply didn’t jump, charge it. If there was something we really wanted, instead of a plea via a phone call, an email or a text, we got a damn 2nd job.

We were responsible for McDonalds to stop counting how many damn hamburgers they’d sold.

We changed our clothing. Drab was out, bright, vibrant was in. Pants/jeans got big at the bottom, hair got long on the top.

We idolized good people. We helped our younger siblings, adored our grandparents. Thankfully, due to loving parents, they guided us through this “Why not?” era.

We, most of BB’s anyways (again, perhaps not personally included but I HAVE been going to the gym!) are living longer due to better habits, better eating, better medicine, yada – thus, we’re straining Medicare.

We had, and were, role models. There are 74.9 million of us, only recently surpassed by the 75.4 million Millennials.

We will ultimately, assuredly, die out. Our impact will last forever however.

We learned the moniker of our predecessor Buck O’Neil, “I was right on time.”

As the lone survivor of my nuclear family, I quite frequently say “I couldn’t have hand picked a better family to grow up. (they just all left too soon).. ”… Same thing about our era, and many we’ve unfortunately lost. We live on, press on, question on, party on – for them. Yes, and maybe a little bit for ourselves. Boom.

Love, Victurd

Help wanted………

For years, the financial stronghold of the newspaper industry, not so much now, help wanted for them.

Lady, flat tire, yep. Toddler, arms stretched upward. Destitute, carboard sign.

Good friend, works in staffing. “Lots of jobs…. $10.50 to $12.00 hourly.. No interview required, just talk to me and I can get you started!”

Doggy/doggys.. . 48” kennel… forced to lay in their own squalor. Help. Wanted. I don’t really know anything better than being here, but, take me, teach me that I’m wrong, open me up to the world. I’ll wag, lickya and love ya -we'll keep each other warm.

The human. Addictions. Relationships. (“He/she has no desire for intimacy.”).. the other night, overheard, young man, father of two under ten years of age, “she stood this close to my face and said ‘I don’t love you.’ “ Damn. No relationship. The want is, simply, help – to be wanted. Want to be wanted. For some it comes, some, it never does.

ACA, no, not perfect… expensive, but, ‘helps’ all. Who knows the answer, last two plans, would leave way to many with help wanted.

“Rocketman.” “Son of a bitches.” “I grab women by the pussy.” Help, maturity, decorum, wanted. I can't fathom the reaction of Mrs. McCarty, my fifth grade teacher.

Picture of child. Perhaps siblings, in paper. “Good home wanted.” Damn. Damn damn. Bless those that do. Another friend fosters, with very much love. Bless them. Giving the help the child wanted.

“It was my fat Elvis period. I was eating and drinking like a pig. I was depressed and I was crying out for help. IT’s real. And I meant it.” John Lennon

“Sometimes the loudest cries for help are silent.” Anon.

“Never, never, never, never, give up.” Winston Churchill.

Bless volunteers. Act, without ever hearing “Help Wanted.” Stealing from internet, no author listed: There is nothing you can’t do. Sometimes you just need a little help…. When you help other people, you help yourself. It’s impossible to not feel great when you do good for other people.

Guy I graduated from High School with – done VERY well for himself, his family. We (most, many) without saying so much, “take this job and shove it, I ain’t working here no mo’ –“ Social Security, Medicare. He, on the other hand, does charitable work 40 hours (or more) per week, when he could be off in Cabo, Maui, Venice. Nice. Nice help, wants to.

I admire, truly, those who help, give, and never really want anyone to know about it. Another buddy. EVERY Saturday morning, EVERY Saturday morning, hands out food to those in need. Could be golfing, sleeping late, off to Branson, Lake of the Ozarks, nope. He wants to help. We, are of the far out era, “far out.”

We are all human. We all err. We all, some silently, some in written verse, some verbally, ‘ask’ for help. It’s wanted, needed, and it's ok, we've ALL been there.

“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”….”The time is always right to do what is right.”… “Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend..”.. “We may have all come on different ships, but we’re in the same boat now.”.. All quotes by MLK. May his lessons teach us forever – we’re a Nation of help wanted.

Don’t fear asking. Don’t fear helping. Never, never, never, never, give up.

Love, Victurd.

Melancholia...

Well, that ain't what this about, kinda. Wiki, when describing autumn.. one of the 'associations' is melancholia. Wiki, the Google of the dictionary world, tells us about Autumn/Melancholia:

"The possibilities of summer are gone and the chill of winter is on the horizon. Skies turn grey, the amount of usable daylight drops rapidly, and many people turn inward, both physically and mentally. It has been referred to as an unhealthy season."

I wonder what Wiki says about "Hogwash?" (OK, wait, I looked that crap up too: "Foolish talk or writing. Swill. Nonsense: bullshit.") Just quoting, my relatives, I NEVER cuss. But, when you look at Autumn, what a weird spelling. Thinka any other words that end in 'mn'? Damn, me neither.

Where was I? Rambling. I do that, sorry, kinda. I'm a tad ADHD, get off track. The "Where was I" reminds me of my good friend at work. He converses fairly frequently with himself (and I love that about him) and I can count on him saying "Where was I" once every couple weeks, and I always chime in with "Grandview, MO."

I say hogwash because I love autumn. September 22 thought December 21. Many people love Autumn, and if you don't believe me, think of all June, July, August and September birthdays. Uh huh, what I said. If the house is a rockin'. (Aha, I see you counted, and yes, June is 9 months after September!)

Change, transition. While I truly love my SoCal friends, and am somewhat envious of them not even owning a pair of jeans, I'll take the seasons, and Fall is one of my four favorite, ha.

I mean,come on. Ya' take that last splash in the pool, ya' road trip one last time. Back to school shopping, closer attention paid to "magic numbers", wildcard standings... One eye is on the second closet, and little by little, ya swap longsleeve for shortsleeve. Last month, seeking end of summer bargains, I bought a really cool color orange t-shirt (really cool to me anyways) for THREE DOLLARS at WallyWorld. Got home, put in on a hanger, damn - it's longsleeve. I thirst to wear that sucker.

Melancholia? Well, howabout getting to spend more time with your mate? Well, I think I remember that. Binge watching, sucking up the final days of the screened in porch, getting under the blankets away from the cold air, snuggling, spooning, what better?

Of course, the leaves. That's maybe #1 of what people think of when they think of Autumn. Well, that and the harvest. Oh, and Halloween. Yep. Thanksgiving.

I see autumn as a time to give, experience, thanks. Thanks Oh Lord for another season on this planet. I promise to cherish each day, be very aware, and suckup all there is to suckup. Yeah, even when the leaves, and those little bastard oak mites, start falling to the ground.

Football. Yes Al, I too played high school football. Liberty-ites will will remember The Low Road. The Twin Drive In. Apple picking baking, warm drinks by the fire, smores. Yum to the Yummy. I ain't a hunter, but would be remiss not to mention it, since soooo many men count the days (and me thinks many wives may too!) Fall brings back memories.

In the summer, ya really don't stop, look out the window and pay attention. In the Fall we do, with a sense of appreciation.

Fall festivals, funnel cakes, apple cider.. Sweaters, flannel, socks (I never wear socks in the summer), frost on the pumpkin, time to fill up the the windshield wiper junk. Go ahead BlueDevil, you color that stuff blue, nope, not me, I love fall, change, transition, and getting to do it allover again. So, bugoff so to speak.

I'm about out of things to say about Autumn (I know, I'm kinda glad too.) So, I'm gonna get outta here, go live it,love it, appreciate it, put my Three dollar T-shirt on.

Sorry Wiki, you struck out. (In keeping with ADHD,I "Wiki'ed" that too. Learned Nolan Ryan is the all-time strikeout leader [5,714], Reggie Jackson struck out the most [2,597] and that five Boston Red Sox pitchers combined for the most strikeouts in nine innings, 21. Wiki, ya whiffed. Swing and a miss. Do not pass go, and do not collect $200. Fall even includes The World Series!

For Autumn, I have Fall-en, I love. Love, Victurd

Uno, dos…….

Uno, dos…….
As in two. Twice. Twice is nice.

“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” Edith Wharton

“In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.” Mignon McLaughlin

“Second place is just the first loser.” Dale Earnhardt

"Two can be as sad as one, it's the loneliest number since the No. 1." Three Dog Night
I
“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” Epictetus

2. Even. 2 is the first prime number.

2 fingers, one hand, Peace. 2 fingers, two hands, uh oh. One hand, two fingers at ballgame, shop teacher ordering 4 beers. Roman numeral II.

2, Noah’s Ark. Baseball 2, the catcher. Or double. Or double play. Second string.

Dutch, twee. Yiddish, tsvey. Sicilian, dui. Polish, dwa. Czech, dva. Thai, nueng. Finish, kaski. Mohawk, tekeni. Cherokee, ta’li. Upside down, oʍʇ 'ooʇ 'oʇ '. Fork in the road.

Couple, double, pair, team, binary, deuce, dichotomy, duality, duet, duel, duplicity, twain, twin.

Two. The first time you stop labeling a little’n in terms of months. Two, to tango. Two, one jump off teeter totter, ouch. 2, battery, pitcher/catcher. Yin and yang. I dunno why he made it his Third Law, but the Newton feller “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”, such as, a tackle at top speed on the kickoff… Affair, divorce. You know what, child. Second chance. Just a second! Two peas in a pod. One two, buyckle my shoe. Two left feet. Two birds with one stone. Two step. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

Victor, you’ve already told this one. Don’t care (my equal and opposite reaction). August 27th, 1957. Philadelphia Phillie’s Richie Ashburn hits foul into the stands. Shatters a ladie’s nose. Game stopped. Medical attention given. On stretcher, up the stairs, just as game restarted. Ashburn hits foul into the stands, hits same lady on the knee. Yep, twice. Double your “pleasure”.

Pepsi or coke? Coffee or tea? Early bird or night owl? Relish this one, ketchup or mustard? Sausage or bacon? Seconds? Smoking or non-smoking? “Ready, aim, fire” or “Ready, fire, aim?” Goody two shoes. Two can play this game.

The lady that does the morning traffic on Channel 9, HOLY SMOKES!

Jayne and Joan Boyd, the Doublemint twins. Two, Mary-Kate and Ashley. Twin, Ann Landers and Abigail Van Buren. Dos Hombres. Two Men and a truck. Dick and Tom Van Arsdale (you gotta be old like me to remember them.)

A good buddy and his wife, in to see the sonogram.. Docs says “now here’s the arms, hands, legs, heart, head……. and over here is the other one.” He fainted.

Second child born, “What about me?” “Why first borns rule the world and last borns want to change it.” I love/loved my granddaughter so much, and DIL was preggo. Thought to myself “There NO WAY I’m going to love this second one like I do her.” Ya do. Ya just do.

Two turtle doves. Bert and Ernie. Tom and Jerry. Batman and Robin. Scooby Doo and Shaggy. Peanut butter and jelly. R2D2 and C-3po. Chip and Dale. Mickey and Minnie. Salt and pepper. Simon and Garfunkel. Lucy and Ethel. Thelma and Louise. Just like Romeo and Juliet. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Beavis and Butt-head. Patrick and Spongebob. Siskel, Ebert, two thumbs up.

A stupid blog about ‘two, to, too’ (for every action there and egual…. see how easily entertained you are?_

You gotta go #1 or #2? Charlie, Two and a Half… Two time. Two-a-days. Two faced. Two bit. Two all beef… Buy one, get one free. Just the two of us.. Marvin says “It takes two.”
You two. You too? Terrible twos.

Kindergarten, “How proud we are of you!” First grade “You’re a BIG boy/girl now!” Second grade, no big thrill. I’d better go. I’m doing this on a word document, and I just started the second page. Time TO go.

WAIT!!!!! What, what? (That’s what twice.) Howinthehell do you get these stupid ideas for blogs?
It’s Ben Tetzlaff’s fault. Who? (Who who would be an owl). Tetzlaff is a Pennsylvania HS golfer. I was driving to work, they told the story.. He sunk (hole in one) hole #2, 104 yards with a gap wedge. Same round, the 140-yard sixth hole, 9 iron. Yep, two. Two holes in one. That. That’s when I thought “go write a stupid blog about two. Fore? No, two.

On second thought, mebbe I shoulda got a second opinion. Love love, Victurd Victurd.

Build me up, buttercup...

Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!

No problemo' Senor', we're comping your meal, and you can now order anything you want.

Comp. Cool. Resort. St. Thomas VI. In Irma's path. Very few lucky enough to escape before the wrath. One(famous) hotel chain, chartered a cruise/cargo ship.. placed 600 of their guests on it, hotel money in the town they were flying out of when they hit The States, AND airfare home. Geez Louise, nice. What a comp...

Comps, compliments are yummy. They make the upside-down-ness of the world sweet. They turn a frown upside-down. Victor, you can't use upside-down in two straight sentences... Ahm, sorry, I just did!

"I can live for two months on a compliment." Mark Twain.

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." Leo Buscaglia.

I try. I try to wing 'em. That word infronta compliment - 'honest', so very true. Everyone on the team that goes 0 and 12 might get a trophy, but it's the nuts and bolts within the season, finding something genuinely worth praising that means the most.

I was at an old fart softball reunion recently. The wife of one of my old teammates and I were talking, turns out we both taught (at different times) at the same Elementary School, for the same Principal. She was not-too-compliment'y about the Principal ("She's the reason I transferred to another school.") I just smiled. This person, the Principal, was the best boss I ever had. Her motto, regarding our beloved snotnoses was "Catch 'em being good." Worked. Man did it work. The kids were happy, the teachers were happy, the entire school staff, secretaries, cafeteria staff, custodial staff, were happy. The end.

The feel of giving a compliment is almost as darn good as winging one. In the same week recently, my boss showed me an email from our Long Beach Port Agent saying "we love working with Vic." Damn daddy. I puffed my weasley-from-not-working-out chest out.. and it made for a very, very nice day. (OK Mr. Twain, a very nice two months.) Then....

As Richard Pryor would say "I said to myself... self" if it feels that good to get one, why don't you wing one?" So, in the mundaneness of cubicle life, having 352 unread damn emails because I/we can't keep up in the summer- were six very nice emails from a little lady who works for us for a vendor in Baltimore. For years, I've worked with this lady. She's prompt, accurate, and nice as heck. So, I winged an email to her boss (and copied her in) basically saying "too often, we go thru the years and never say thanks - I just wanted to let you know I love working Erin, she's always prompt, accurate, and nice as heck." Victor, you can't use the exact same verbiage two sentences in a row. Bite me keyboard breath, there's upside, consider the updside, downer!

So yesterday afternoon-night was old fart reunion for our Old High School around the Square of our downtown. Folks that went there from 1930-something to 1975 gathering.. Your specific class had a place marked off, and a good sized cardboard "Bluejay" with your graduating year written on it - within. Nice words were tossed, old buddies hugged, plenty of grey, and a lot of "so howinthehell you been the last 40-some years?"

I wasn't gonna go. In addition to recently starting to workout, lift weights, elliptical, then immerse myself in the hot tub, I've sadly immersed myself in self pity due to recent events (one of which was totaling - three weeks after I bought it - my 'new to me' $4650 Chevy van - ahm, liability only.) Shit. So, shit was my mode. Sorry to cuss, kinda, but it has been my mood. Patooey I've sucked.

After all the saying/hearing nice words, hugging buddies, it was hot enough I thought to myself, "Self, you could use a beer.. Your class just had the class photo, you've greeted everyone, go have a beer." It takes a lot to talk me into a beer (HA) but I went..

As I was traversing down the hill... coming up the hill was a late arriving lady from the HS class a year behind me. While I memorized my name tag and later threw it away, I still had it on at that point. "Vic Schultze?" she said. "Uh huh, hi." (Victor, NEVER use your full name on the internet) - bite me, I even leave my car unlocked at night!

Anyways, this beautiful lady walking up the hill said "Somehow, I managed my way on to your blog. You can write and I really enjoy reading it." Holy make me smile. So, as we parted, I puffed out my 'weasely-and-hurting-from-just-starting-to-work-out chest'.. and thought to myself, "Self, you're now good until November 16th"... Right Mark?

Thank you to that lady. You turned my upside down shitty pity party rightside up.

Hey, let's go catch someone doing good. I sure planta try. Love, Victurd (Schultze) HA.

I can't weight....

(Victor, this is selfish ain't it? Yes, but that's what life is about sometimes, being selfish, aka, TMI. Sorry, kinda)

They say you shrink as you age. I can't wait. In this quest to git ridda fat, I boughta new scale to track progress/lack thereof. I could read it fine at WallyWorld, but, get home, stand up on it, the #'s are too damn small to see. So, I closed one eye (ten years ago I got lens implants, one close up, one far away).."Damnit, wrong eye." Ok,finally. 196.

No applause, no atta boys, I do this. I am a lifelong rollercoaster of exercise, don't exercise, eat, don't eat.

A good friend expressed concern about my health (thank you good friend.) Also, my doctor, after weighing me on my annual physical suggested "walk the dog, get on a treadmill, climb on an elliptical, JUST DO SOMETHING." (Except he didn't scream, but, point well taken.) In truth, in friendship, I guess that's a question we SHOULD ask, "how's your health?"

A couple of years ago, thanks to the dreaded three "S's" (sedentary, steaks, suds) I topped out at 230. Geez Louise. That wasn't like me. Kinda sorta watching diet, foods, I whittled that down to 212 in a year, had been there ever since.

Close your ears. I mostly hate exercising. Little by little, I like more what I see in the mirror, but I'm damn hard to get motivated. Back n the "get to 230" era, I paid monthly gym membership. That sucker was enroute on my way home nightly. Time and time again I drove right past that sucker, sheepishly glancing the other way.

Stymie halt. As addictive behavior repeats itself... as addictive behavior repeats itself.. I've noticed I get these "I care about myself, get your butt to the gym" times normally follow the splitting of a relationship. Which, which, gets me to this thought: Hey, all you chicks out there, why not one by one, we meet, date, get to the point of.. ahm.. well.. you know.. where we're comfy enough we can fart infronta the other.. then, we'll break up.. I'll exercise, and if 7 or 8 women "go through me" (I'm up to three now) I could be down to one-fitty in no time!

Victor, you've told this one. Rat's ass, telling it again. After the last marriage ended (only twice in answer to your question) I had it all planned out. Going to sleep (alone) one night, I had this vision, this dream: perfection. I would join the gym. I would pump some iron (and hope no one was watchin', I would try out the elliptical for 30 minutes (OK DAMNIT, the first time only 20), then, I would traverse to the sauna, sweat out some suds, and then... .then... then... to the hot tub where I would be surrounded by SCADS OF GORGEOUS WOMEN. Dre-e-e-e-am, dream dream dream.

So, there I was... pulled into the lot.. "Yes ma'am, I'd like to sign up so I can git somea this fat off".. Ok sir, how old are you? She wasn't really gorgeous, so that didn't excite me. Anyways, I qualified for the old fart rate (YAY). "Oh, and there's a $20 sign up fee." WHY? Why are there sign up fees? As a contractual yearlong customer I'd think you'd gimme a $25 gift card to Texas Roadhouse or sumpin?

I didn't say that, but I thought it. OK,so, I'm here, I'm signed up, let the sweat begin.

I did (almost alla that).. I changed in the locker room. Well, that's a lie, both sides had parents with little snotnoses, and I ain't comfy with that, so I went in the shower stall, closed the curtain, got my swimshorts, shirt, tennis shoes on.. deposited my regular clothes in a locker.. to the weight machines I went.. made it thru a lap.

Can I take a nap now? NO VICTOR, to the elliptical you go. So I did. For 30. (OK 20 damnit).. aha.. off to the sauna.. It was hot, and I loved it. High school kid in there. Struck up a conversation, turns out, on the wrestling team at school... "Yeah, coach don't like us coming in here, but, I gotta make weight." Comprende.

As we conversed, I couldn't keep my mind off the babes in the hot tub coming up. So, "hey nice to meet you, I think I'm gonna bootscoot to the hot tub." You too sir.

I pressed the button, started the jets, got in... ah, yes.. the reward.. Now where are all the babes? I glanced to my right. Oh shit. (Sorry to cuss, kinda).. My timing. My demonstrated timing in life. To my right, sixteen 70+ very thick ladies, one by one exited the pool from their arthritis class.. and yep, here they come. Soon, I was surrounded. By 'babes'.

Which gets me back to today. I'm leaving for the Royals game in 2 and 1/2 hours, and I was hoping to write here long enough to get to the point of "oh, I'll just go to the gym tomorrow" but I ain't gonna get to that, cause I'm certain you're tired of reading, I needta wrap this up. Then, damnit, off to the gym.

The goal is 190. Then it's likely right back to Jackstack, chips/dip/a big ole burrito at Rancho, sedentary, steaks, suds. Myfitness dot com tells me "1500 calories a day, should take ya three months." I'm going the 2000 a day route and hope to get there by March madness.

I can't weight. Love, Victurd

The Winter of life....

I used to dislike Winter... The days grow shorter... Frigidness sets in.. Bones creak... A slower pace.. Even the bugs hide..

Winter is remembering the past.. the times at the lake... the creek.. the pond... the ocean..

Running, jumping, throwing... while distant, fondly etched in the back of the brain... In memory - it causes smiles.. Spring, Summer, Fall... the fast pace.. sweat.. thirst.. laughter.. the vibrancy...

In the Winter of life.. our curtains remain open... allowing the light of memories to sneak in.. We see worries in the rear view mirror, and grin at how we'd woefully experienced them - admonished ourselves.. but in Winter, it all works out in the wash.

First place, the blue ribbon, the tassel, the resume', the interview, the years and years of 8 to 5.. the quest to climb ladders.. childrearing... cars bought, sold.. multi-level houses - all, behind us. It won't be like Ground Hog's Day.. we can't go Back to the Future.. We are in the now.. No, we cannot re-do, but we can certainly, and very happily, re-live.

A time of enjoyment. A time of remembrance.. Appreciation.. We watch the youth take over, and find comfort in the fact they're damn nice, and that they take the time to talk, visit with us - and it makes one think "gosh, I hope I was like that.. maybe our future IS in good hands."

Winter is seeing a friend struggle, all the while appreciating the fact they are still on this side of the green, green grass. We close our eyes and think of those who never got the chance at Winter - how unfair that is... along with "you just never know." So in the now, here, today, Winter - minutes, days, hours - while we can no longer keep up the pace - we video tape everything with our eyes, so as not to miss anything, 'cause you just never know.

Winter's worries are unlike previous season worries.. Sping, Summer, Fall - we spent many a day in fast forward - not allowing enough time in the day to sit back, watch, love, smile. We'd bemoan the 60 mph car on the 65 mph highway. We'd gripe at the fast food window and think "COME ON!"... We hated lines.. anywhere. Now the only lines we hate are at the urinal, ha.

Being in the Winter line - we get to suck it all up. Notate/appreciate, observe the diversity. Diversity in size, age, color, gender, hair, no hair, tats, no tats, nice dress, not so nice dress, money, not so much money, happy, in a hurry, the griping at the fact every minute seems like three.

Now, we get the advantage of watching, reflecting, smiling, enjoying, appreciating the fact every minute seems like three. We'd been there, done that, it's different now.

Familiar faces allow us re-entry, briefly, into Spring, Summer, Fall. There's nothing better than seeing the guy that caught your pitch, helped you study biology, sat his/her lunch tray down next to yours.. shared memories of the Moon Landing.. John John saluting.. remembering the disgrace (in general) paid to those lucky enough to return from Viet Nam.

Winter is remembering broken relationships, how hurt you were, or how much you hurt them - knowing now, it's all now very assuredly water under the bridge. We can now co-exist. Share grandkid's birthday parties. heck, even befriend the new mate. Animosity slips, fades in the Winter of life. All this (Spring, Summer, Fall) damn time fretting over racial tension, gender treatment inequity, boss, manager, worker, different ideas - and now, peace now has set in. We love, all. We have no hatrid. We get along. We 'get it'.

We stay up as late as the body allows us.. 'cause ya just never know. We get up as early as we can (or not!) to be thankful for the opportunity of doing this Winter bit allover again for another day...

A Winter's day.. in a deep and dark, December.. No Paul, no Art. We're changing the lyrics. Friendships don't cause pain. We don't build walls.. fortresses. We do not disdain laughter and loving. We don't hide in room. We touch as many as we can, and hope for reciprocation.

We are, for sure, slower. But we're the rock now. Our time. Our day. To share, hopefully, with those from Spring, Summer, Fall, and of course, our Winter buddies. Economics may not allow us to all be snowbirds - but warmth has taken over our brain, our thoughts.

I now really really like Winter. 'Cause ya just never now.

Love, Victurd

Moist eyes

There a few things in life that "win out" over your body/mind. I think crying is one. We've all done it. Happiness. Elation in reaction/response to elation. Sadness in reaction/response to sadness. Immense excitement. Self pity. Pity for what we've lost. Had. Want. Got.

Went to a friend's funeral recently. Visitation line. I'm horrible at that, but I certainly understand the need. I remember from funerals of my own family members how important it is. My buddy had children in their early 20's. Spouse standing there admirably - I didn't know how she was doing it. Occasionally when one very close came up - a tear trickled down her face as in a millisecond, they relived 'what was' and they faced the reality of 'it never will be' again.

I was next. Doing ok. Finally, while certainly no hurry, up, my turn. I had practiced in my mind what I was going to say - as if there is ever anything right to say. I shook her hand, gave a baby hug - all the time placing myself in her shoes... I lost it. The emotion of the moment came over me. My body shook, and I cried and cried. I felt really, really bad that I did that - as if the moment wasn't horrible enough for her, I maybe worsened it. Strangely, she comforted me, and in doing so, I think she kind of took comfort in that, somehow gained strength. I wish I could have talked better - I can't remember exactly what I said, or even if it was discernible. This I know. We both loved him - and while a poor way to demonstrate it - at least she knew I too cherished the guy.

What better than to feel so strongly about any human being that it can overcome your body?

I have heard people say "I've never seen him/her cry." Calling BS, I ain't buying it. That's ok I guess - but maybe we all 'cry' in different ways. Halloween isn't the only occasion we don masks. I've heard (and said) words that caused crying. Good, and bad.

Heck, crying is the first thing we do in life. En route, hopefully, to a long, rich, development of friendships, loves in this beautiful race of life.

Who has all the answers? None of us. It's my belief, in some ways, crying is an answer. Like a pin prick in a balloon. Like the wrench on a fire hydrant.

I probably cry too much. Maybe "not manly enough." Wimp? I don't give a damn. I love 'feeling'. Caring. Not so fun of 'yanking' - but too, crying is the mercurochrome to all wounds.

The first thought that runs through the brain, "Hide it." I vote no, no, no. Let her rip baby. Evoke. Sorry Nike, but just do it. Seeing another in tears can lead one to tears - hell, more contagious than pink eye...

I really have no idea why I'm blogging about this - other than I have done some crying of late - both bad, and good. No, not all personally directed at me - of watching devastation on TV - events of this, that, excitement for tomorrow (yes, Friday.. and the future).. and yes, maybe some even of/about me. Again, I don't care - I'm so very thankful to simply feel.

Tubthumping, you/me, all. Thoughts and prayers.

Tears too. Love, Victurd

Mem''ries light the corners of my mind...

I love words, and I love the words memory and memories.

Let's get to the sad part, and be done with it. We've perhaps all had a loved one where memory/memories had disappeared. Not fun. Hard to soak in. I will never forget the day I wheeled my father into St. Mary's Hospital lobby, me, talking about my mother and my sister - and he didn't have an earthly clue. All that good. Gone.

Conversely, being able to Christmas Carol at Nursing Homes several times - the very happiest room to Carol in was the Alzheimer ward. People, places - fuzzy - the bad, the consternation, sorrow, hustle-bustle mems were too. So, all they knew was happy. Not a fair trade, but maybe God's gift to them.

"Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children." Charles R. Swindoll.

How true.. remember your role models as a child? It's a bet parents are at the top of the list. Not only do we carry on the bloodline, we are, in part, a piece of them to carry on. Aware though, there are adopted, or, like my own father - he lost his mom when he was 6. I regret never asking him who his role models were. I guess, in part, listening to his stories I was able to detect them.

"The life of the dead, is placed in the memory of the living." Marcus Tullius Cicero.

Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind.

Thank goodness for pictures. We can look back at loved ones, and keep 'em alive. We can look back and remember flat belly, ha. To me, it's a tad sad pictures are saved electronically nowadays insteada getting them from the Fotomat. Being old, I guess, I have this fear "what if one day they all vanish? - Or, hell I never remember my user ID's/passwords - I JUST WANNA LOOK AT OLD PICTURES GOOGLE! Why do you doubt me? I reckon this is our 'now' society.

Anyways,to me, pictures are meant for albums. Refrigerators. A mug on a mug. In a picture frame on an end table, or, the wall.

Can't remember where I was... oh yeah, memories. At work, there are interuptions ALL THE TIME. Once that task is completed, it's now "where the hell was I?"... So, me, when I think of it, being old, I have to write down (before attending to the interuptee) what I am working on, then, highlight it with a yellow marker to distinguish amongst other chickenscratch - and it seems to work.

I have friends, hella organized. Ne'er forget a meeting, a birthday, an event, a Holiday, yada - due to keeping a miraculously neat calendar (online). Nomme. When I, say, have Doctor's appointment, I take yellow sticky note, write all the necessary when/where crap down, then, TAPE it to the back of my billfold. Comes with being old.

There is not much more stark than seeing a person you knew/went to school with/yada, after a many year absence to think "wow." (And they, on the other end, thinking the same damn thing.}

Twas a lady, whose eyes caught the mug of a classmate from many moons ago... He looked SO OLD to her, she feared she might embarrass him if she walked up and said, "do your remember me? I'm such-and-such from such-n-such school." Anyways, she did, she walked up to the now old man and said just that, "do you remember me? I'm such-and-such from such-n-such school." He replied, "No, what'd you teach?"

As an aside, I've had a mate or two who forgot where their bed was, ha.

"Yesterday is but today's memory, and tomorrow is today's dream."

I recently was with a widow. There would be times, dates, locations, songs - where a tear would run down her eye. Not much I could do besides hug her, and tell her I love her. There is pain in memory - yet, wonder in it too.

I have friends, often, say to me "Do you remember when we were at ____ and we ____?" Hell to the no, I can't even remember who half the friends on my Facebook page are! I suppose way too many Old Styles over time could play a part in that as well.

"Time moves in one direction, memory in the other." William Gibson. <--I wonder if he's related to Henry?

I dunno about you, but living in the town I grew up in, and a few gallons of gas for $2.59 per, I like to drive around, simply remember. Really though, one doesn't need to go physically back to where memories were made.. Heck, we can do it from our own couch, or, staring up at the ceiling in bed. Intermixed with prayer, meditating, maybe we all should devote a set amount of time a day to 'go back'. Keep that appreciation thriving.

"Time and memory are true artists; they remould reality nearer to the heart's desire." John Dewey.

OK, I'll be gone now. I'm gonna try (to set aside specific 'memory time'.......you?} Have a great smile, maybe a tear.. smooth skin and lots of hair! It'll be fun.

"Memory has always fascinated me. Think of it. You can recall your first day of high school, your first date, your first love." Erick Kandel

With apologies to Teddy Ruxpin, "I can, can you?"
Love, Victurd

This, got in the way of that.. and

This, got in the way of that, America went bonkers.. took the day off, traveled to the path, bought ZZ Top Cheap Sunglasses.. plopped their butt in a lawnchair, and had two minutes of ecstasy. For some, this (clouds) got in the way of that - and wtf happened.

This, got in the way of that, a baby happened, and life, as we knew it, would never be the same.

This, got in the way of that, and the now oldest child chirped "Hey! What about me?!"

This, got in the way of that, and the now middle child said "OH NO!!!"

This, got in the way of that, and eventually Alex went to the bench.

This, got in the way of that, he passed out, never got his Whopper.

This, got in the way of that, The Indians won the pennant, the Royals weren't in it.. Ned went to farm, Dayton looked for an arm.. Scotty Boras swept the big ones away. 2018, playing "the farm."

This, got in the way of that, and The Border War ended (temporarily.)

This, got in the way of that, flooding, devastation, life change happened.

This, got in the way of that, fender bender happened.

This, got in the way of that, and the bartender said "nope, sorry... no more."

This, got in the way of that, and Quick Loan happened, and that got in the way of Advance America...

This, got in the way of that - incarceration happened.

This, got in the way of that - as it came to poor little Jimmy's turn for Red Rover Red Rover send Jimmy right over.

This, got in the way of that - and Myspace, pagers, fax machines, Blockbuster, Dial Up, 401K's in 2008 went "uh oh, I'm outta here."

This, got in the way of that, an election happened and caused us to say, "How did we get there?"

Sadness, got in the way of happiness - and the test of life continued.

This, got in the way of that, and someone here reading thought "Damn I'm getting tired of seeing those words."

Death, got in the way of one's life - and for the remaining, it just hasn't been the same.

This (dating), got in the way of that (huh uh) and "too big, too small, too tall, doesn't make enough money, makes too much money - I'd never make it, lives too far away, getting to know another family, do I really one wanna do this again?... yeah but......"

This, distance/time, got in the way of friendship - but when meeting again it was just like the old days.

This, "need space", got in the way of that (2), one on the run, the other attempting pun.

By Henry Gibson. May your oxidation not get in the way - so your chewing gum won't lose it's flavor on the bedpost tonight.

Love, Victurd