Moist eyes

There a few things in life that "win out" over your body/mind. I think crying is one. We've all done it. Happiness. Elation in reaction/response to elation. Sadness in reaction/response to sadness. Immense excitement. Self pity. Pity for what we've lost. Had. Want. Got.

Went to a friend's funeral recently. Visitation line. I'm horrible at that, but I certainly understand the need. I remember from funerals of my own family members how important it is. My buddy had children in their early 20's. Spouse standing there admirably - I didn't know how she was doing it. Occasionally when one very close came up - a tear trickled down her face as in a millisecond, they relived 'what was' and they faced the reality of 'it never will be' again.

I was next. Doing ok. Finally, while certainly no hurry, up, my turn. I had practiced in my mind what I was going to say - as if there is ever anything right to say. I shook her hand, gave a baby hug - all the time placing myself in her shoes... I lost it. The emotion of the moment came over me. My body shook, and I cried and cried. I felt really, really bad that I did that - as if the moment wasn't horrible enough for her, I maybe worsened it. Strangely, she comforted me, and in doing so, I think she kind of took comfort in that, somehow gained strength. I wish I could have talked better - I can't remember exactly what I said, or even if it was discernible. This I know. We both loved him - and while a poor way to demonstrate it - at least she knew I too cherished the guy.

What better than to feel so strongly about any human being that it can overcome your body?

I have heard people say "I've never seen him/her cry." Calling BS, I ain't buying it. That's ok I guess - but maybe we all 'cry' in different ways. Halloween isn't the only occasion we don masks. I've heard (and said) words that caused crying. Good, and bad.

Heck, crying is the first thing we do in life. En route, hopefully, to a long, rich, development of friendships, loves in this beautiful race of life.

Who has all the answers? None of us. It's my belief, in some ways, crying is an answer. Like a pin prick in a balloon. Like the wrench on a fire hydrant.

I probably cry too much. Maybe "not manly enough." Wimp? I don't give a damn. I love 'feeling'. Caring. Not so fun of 'yanking' - but too, crying is the mercurochrome to all wounds.

The first thought that runs through the brain, "Hide it." I vote no, no, no. Let her rip baby. Evoke. Sorry Nike, but just do it. Seeing another in tears can lead one to tears - hell, more contagious than pink eye...

I really have no idea why I'm blogging about this - other than I have done some crying of late - both bad, and good. No, not all personally directed at me - of watching devastation on TV - events of this, that, excitement for tomorrow (yes, Friday.. and the future).. and yes, maybe some even of/about me. Again, I don't care - I'm so very thankful to simply feel.

Tubthumping, you/me, all. Thoughts and prayers.

Tears too. Love, Victurd