I feel the need to say………

I’m ok. I’d guess mebbe half who swing by this blog upon occasion observe me daily. I would hope they’d say “yes, Victor does live each day happy, fun… he laughs a lot.. He jokes a lot.. He helps make work fun.” And I believe my friends outside of work would attest to this too. I ain’t so much pattin’ my own back, it’s more relaying “hey… I’m ok.”

I love blogs. I love blogging. Blogs don’t paint the entire picture. Blogs are conversations amongst that gray matter in the brain that make their way down to the fingertips, to the keyboard, and ultimately to a website where they can be scoured. I don’t put “what’s said in normal conversation” in the same realm as a blog. A blog is more intimate. Crap one perhaps might not say in public, yet weirdly, it’s opened up for anyone in the world to read.

I loved yesterday.

I’m happy today. (Not perfect.. And there’s S-H-I-T that’s going on in my life that could/would make one ‘aghast’ and perhaps say “howinthehell is he smiling?”)… But I’m happy.

I’m stuck.. Yes.. Am.. There is no ‘right way’ outta the quagmire I am temporarily in. Fitty different people, prolly fitty different suggestions. I am me. And it’s “me’s” call. A lot is economical, but the almost insurmountable part is interpersonal.

A product of this “being temporarily stuck” is to wish for tomorrow.. For a mate.. As long as I’m not totally (24/7) absorbed in this, I see no harm in it. I will carry on in life truly believing “I have yet to be in the best relationship I’ve ever been in.”

I dated a gal I admired very much. We still occasionally communicate. In late September, she chastised me for “not getting on with your life. Hesitant to make change.” Then I shared with her the crap I won’t openly share with you and her reply was “I agree with everything you said. I had no idea what the extent of the issues have been.”

That’s about all I’ll share. I do love/enjoy life. I will continue to count the days left to remind me not to waste today. I love yesterday, and dream of tomorrow. I’ll never stop wanting that feel again of what it’s like to simply wake up beside someone.

I ain’t perfect old Lord, but then… you knew that. Life ain’t perfect.. But then mebbe You helped make it that way for a reason, or reasons. You’ve placed me here for a reason, a purpose. I live doing my best to fulfill. I slip. I be human. I have pity parties. I go and drink mebbe one too many. I ‘blurt’ (and pay.).. I wish. I hope. I pray. I try to enjoy the day.

Please just understand, whilst I like to fill the blog up with glorious (hopefully) colors of paint… it simply isn’t “the big picture.” Please never forget, my life has been blessed too.

Love, Victurd.