1/4 Fun….

I love Holidays… All… Even Columbus Day.. Some companies have ten.. some only eight…

I thinks we needs anuther…

I propose: One-Four-Fun day…

Now April Fools is 4/1.. So let’s reverse that, and do 1/4… and add, “fun”!.......

1/4 Fun…

On this day, January 4, we’ll simply have a goal of “fun”…

Some guidelines: Upper management has mandatory clock-in at 8am sharp. For every minute of tardiness, then must sit for ten on the chair of the dunk tank in the lunch room…

Footsoldiers could slide in anywhere from 8:40am to 9:20am, and mandatory “lights off, outta office” at 4:20pm.

We must switch, bassackwards, assbackwards, salutations… Insteada “hi”, “howyadoin”, “sup?” we’ll use more smile invoking words like “poop”, “Doggie doo-doo”, “who peed in your cornflakes”..

Upon a sneeze… entire office must stand and shout “HAIRBALL”..

Shots for all upon the even hours… Smokers meet in the conference room at smoke break, all others must fend for the 1/4 fun outside…

Underwear must be worn on the outside, and HR will undergo “skidmark check”, and if you fail, your pair, autographed in magic marker, will be hung on the company bulletin board…

The Interstates will have MANDATORY 45 MPH rules.. emergency flashers must be on.. if someone pulls up next to you, honks, it’s the signal to start interchanging lanes and doing figure 8’s with your compadre…

(Posted speed limit after 4pm that day, due to even hour shots, would be 25mph. Fender benders wouldn’t injure, and could be fun even!)…

Pajamas are welcome attire, bring your damn pets too, that’d be fun. Breakout meeting rooms will run The Simpsons, South Park, Family Guy, and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s nest…

People that never have fun would be forced to.. If, after each shot on the even hour they still don’t smile, gang tackling and tickling is welcome…

Afternoon break.. Smokers may still visit the conference room to puff.. or.. join in on the company dodgeball game in the West Parking lot. Ever wanna nail that ole “B” from accounting? Here’s your chance! The guy who’s mouth is never closed? Here’s your chance to close it! Whomever throws the ball producing the biggest purple welt, would win the Purple People Eater T-Shirt…

This could even coincide with a charity. Wanna second shot on the even hours? Sure! They’re free, but for the resta the day, every time you pee will cost you Two Bucks – and we’ll pick a charity.

If a coworker farts, it’s mandatory you clap.. if it’s a real good’n (anything exceeding five seconds) you must give a standing ovation…

Each must pick a new first name.. Let’s say Victor is changed to “Asshole.”.. Suzie becomes “whore”.. Rachel is now “Bitch”…

We’d have bells to ring at our desk, signaling “more coffee please” – and upper management must abide.

Sometime during lunch, each must wisk away to the Zerox machine and take onea them nekkie pics.. post it on the bulletin board (making sure not to cover up skid-marked undies)… and we’d all play “Name those genitals” around 3:30….

Upon leaving the office at 4:20, e
ach footsoldier must nab a roll’a toilet paper from the bathroom (you creep you.. you’ve done this right before payday ain’tya?)… and decorate the upper management car of choice..

Continuing on at home, children must cook.. and we will serenade them as they do with “I’m hungry, when’s it gonna be ready”… or, “I DON’T WANT SPAGHETTI, I want a HAMBURGER.”

Old folks must retire at 9pm, and the young and the restless must then clean the bathroom, kitchen, vacuum, and fill the coffeemaker up for the morning of 1/5.

1/4 Fun. It’ll never happen. But it’d be fun. I love fun. Until the day I pee my pants and forget my name, love, Victurd.