It’s just good sex……..

Onea my ex inlaws used that line not all that long ago about a six month thingy with a friend. They never really went out too much in public - maybe a drive thru Mickey D’s - but ne’er seen at the movie theater, arm around… or at The Big Party of the weekend amongst common friends…

I think Freud said something about the basic needs…. hunger, thirst, the avoidance of pain, and sex. Pals with privileges… cut friends… extended hookup… fling.. Friends with extras.. Friends with privileges.. Bene-friends… sex buddies.. Sexualized friendship.. Friends with benefits…

Generation X seems to be really into this… What once usedta be sitting with a new friend at lunchtime, opposite sex, across the table - is now "whammo" LGNAF (let’s get naked and………).. I’m old, have u recently been to a joint where young kids hang and watched ‘em dance? My goodness - throwing themselves over one another - with sexual ‘grinds’ thrown in for good measure.. And the dude just asked to dance! Victor, get with the millennium. K, will try. (Please don't forget, I'm way too white to dance well.)

What are the reasons people get into friends with beni’s relationships? I think they vary.. I think selfishness comes into play.. I think some enter with hopes of “fingers crossed this will turn into more”.. and perhaps in today’s hustle-bustle society the belief actually exists “with my job, kids, night school, 2nd job, responsibilities - I simply don’t have time for a real relationship right now.”

I also think loneliness enters the fray - and one crosses that stream - yes, selfishly, but maybe with backa-the-mind hope “well, maybe I can develop deep feelings for this person.’ (Which is fancy for, “I wanna screw, and I doubt it will be forever with her/him.”)

Ok, strike me down Father - I have gone out with a person where each of us knew aheada time there could be no longterm thingy. When this happened - there was an age difference (mind outta the deeper gutter, I was the younger one.).. It was perhaps different in that we did go to movies, we did go to dinner, we did “other things.” But yes, ‘that’ was involved too. It wasn’t a very long thing (less than two months) - but selfishly, maybe sheepishly, I admit I enjoyed it.

This ended when she actually found someone she kinda sorta thought “uh huh, this could be him” and I was out the door. I do think, unlike most arrangements of this sort - each was able to walk away without feelings of fire (emotional involvement) needing to be doused. There was no hurt.

The single’s scene, no matta the age - is trying. Perhaps a rationalization, but the moralistic decline of America contributes - witnessed by the fact people are seemingly getting naked faster, earlier, more commonly (with commoners) than ever before.

Friends with beni’s, I think, sometimes happens when one perhaps has fear of commitment. “I want all that without that.” Longterm relationships with tumultuous endings drive one away from commitment. Fear coupled with want. “I don’t want his/her address… I’m not ready for sharing a mailbox… besides.. If either moved away from their abode… it’d be ‘my place’ and not ‘our place’.

My ex inlaw’s “relationship” survived six or eight months. Both, extremely attractive folks - the one I knew said “I don’t like his arrogance, and could never live with that but I really dig his body.” Down the road it went, no hurt upon the end.

It is lonely out here. Time makes us picky. Past “ends” make it hard to commit for fear of uncertainty. Does one every really know?

Frienda mine had a rule… No sex for six months, period. Probably a good rule, I dunno. Freud’s need thingy, alcohol, loneliness, lack of self control, selfishness sometimes get in the way.

Sorry this ain’t been funny. I would like your take, if you ain’t a chicken to extol. I do this stupid blog thingy in two places.. So if you’re here on MySpace, and you don’t want ur mug showing up along with ur comments - please go to checkenginelight.blogspot.com. There you can anonymously call me an asshole for having once been a member of the “friend with beni’ club.. Or hell, maybe you could just call me (867-5309) and we could get naked.

Hehe. Might your day includes friends. And benefits. Love, Victurd.