A wonderful weekend... almost....

One couldn't have painted a nicer weekend weatherwise... Sure, storms Saturday - but that's what April is about here in the Midwest.. We're behind in rain - bring it on God...

Happy Hour Friday - we asked mid 'hour' if we were happy. Workload here has made it such - being anywhere other than at one's desk is a good thing, so yes, we decided - we were happy...

Saturday... to the casino.. (This is a recording)... Gracie's advice "have fun, but don't stay until 2am.... well, have fun.. and if staying until 2am and having fun makes you happy... then that's what I want for you... so have at and have fun." I actually walked out at 6am Sunday morning, albeit $700 to the good. HA, take that Wells Fargo nasty mortgage late letter!

Sunday... family, friends.. sitting on the porch (porch mind you, not a deck..it's the good old way)... Flowers bought... planted...

Then Sunday night 9-1-1... I don't know where I went wrong with Maynard... My loving has never ceased, nor his love for me.. I feel God musta created me to "not fly off the hook" for his benefit - as he is easily off the hook... An argument over the phone awakened me at 12:15am this morning... The argument carried over into the front yard minutes later as the car pulled up... Four - who happened to be black - versus Maynard and his friend - who happen to be white... I temporarily physically stopped Maynard as he raged out the door - - his friend already out and ahead of him... I knew there was no stopping him... I knew if not this minute - then tomorrow, or the next day, next week...

At that point I literally cried inside. This is what his life has come to. I ran inside - called 9-1-1.. "there's gonna be a fight... at ### ____ street... there are six total, four against two... please hurry."... I went into my bedroom - panicking and going over what would be the sure results in my head.. Ball bat to the head... stabbing.. gunshot... deformity... hospital... funeral... prison... I finally got the courage to walk to the front door - peek out... Maynard and friend were walking in.. each on their own two feet - no noticeable wounds... they were Ok... this time.

Police came minutes later - I thanked them and asked if they wanted to talk to Maynard and friend... they came inside... there was an obvious cocky front in Maynard's tone as he conversed... soon they were gone...

Why do I write this? I dunno. Because it's true.. because it's my life... blog about all or be a fake... I have ideas, not guaranteed answers for tomorrow...

At 1:00am I grabbed clothing for today.. headed out the door to Gracies... "Where you going? Are you coming back? Are you moving?"...... "I'm not gonna live like this."... "Yeah, but are you moving? Coming back?"...

The only respite of hope.. as I climbed in the car Maynard loudly, and I believe heartfelt said "I love you dad." That's the hope I cling to. The "I promise to do good for you father" hope. I've said the last four years "I just wanna wakeup and have Maynard be 26." (We're still just over five years from that.) Before it was said in hopes of maturity coming to the forefront within that period. Now it's a father's prayer.