Hosta La Vista Baby........

GD Misty (<-- semi regular quarter contributor) I KNOW that ain't how you spell it... YES, I KNOW you were the Raymore 5th grade spelling bee champ... just bear with me dammit...

I watched as Gracie came down the stairs.. Dressed like Johnny Cash.. .a puppeteer.. black... all black... It was almost time for the old people's go to bed 10pm news... the middle of the week... We'd eaten.. We'd even run errands... Whythehell was she all dressed up, and in black no less?

"Since none of my pussy friends will go with me.... I'm going by myself." Ya rarely hear the word pussy in that sense any more... Back in the dinosaur days, it meant you were wimping out... afraid... not up to the challenge.. On this one, I'd admittedly 'pussied out.'

Earlier that week at the Garden Center - she pointed to these low lying, shade loving green and cream colored things and remarked "LOOK AT THAT... $8.95... I've seen them at some places for FIFTEEN DOLLARS APIECE." That was followed by "I must have 100 of those Hosta's at my old place... I originally bought 20 plants... a few years later divided them up, gave Dee FIFTY of 'em... now I don't have any..."

Scroll back to Johnny Cash. "Where ya goin?"... "I'm goin' the get my Hosta's." But Gracie, you're a school teacher, you'll get caught, it'll be embarrassing, you'll shoot your eye out. "Pussy" was the only reply.

Gracie has a wonderful home. She had one maybe even wonderfuller (the neat thing about a blog, you can spell crap any way ya wanta).. Kindly said to her ex, through no fault of her own she lost her house she'd helped pay on for eighteen years. The very nice light fixtures and the brass plated things that go around the light switches were taken, but dammit, time got away and the Hostas were left.

Tonya jumped in the car laughing hysterically... Gracie reassured "Tonya, what are they gonna do if they catch us... take us in for 'Taking the Hostas hostage'?" The laughter again roared... and soon they found themselves parked 4 doors down from the scene of the soon to be crime. Can you dig it?

The weather outside was frightful - but it hadn't yet begun to rain... The distant booming thunder perhaps kept the neighbors eyes and ears on Channel 9, versus wondering where the laughter was coming from outside... Tonya pointed the flashlight, Gracie dug and dug away. Several times they had to self discipline themselves to keep the laughter down as they dug, pointed the flashlight.

I, the pussy, sat on Gracie's porch admiring the wonderful show God was putting on. Since I wouldn't go - I was to remain at Gracie's just in case I had to find a bail bondsman.

About an hour later - this timid knock comes to the door. Officer Wimpy? No.. there stood Gracie... shoes in hand - muddy as hell... hair damp... dressed in black.. with a little bit of earthen clay intermixed... and a bigass smile on her face.. And.... a trash bag with some 60 Hostas hostage.

As I related this story to Kendra (<-- another semi-regular quarter contributor) she replied "I love her even more now".... Yeah, they threw away the mold after Gracie - that's for sure...

Had I helped contribute - cha-ching - for eighteen years on a house and really have nothing to show (ceptin' light fixtures and brass plates AND memories) I think I woulda done the same thing. I chose the pussy path, but.. I had some laughs outta it..

I could just envision "Class, I'm sorry, you're teacher won't be in today.. she's in jail for trespassing." To which one onere snotnose would reply "well, I guess
we forgive those who tresspass against us"... or... The local newspaper "Robber caught redhanded with weapon in hand."

I've been sitting here for twenty minutes trying to think up something damn clever to end this with. Sorry, I, the pussy, have struck out. A host-a ideas went thru my head - but none of 'em cultivated. I dig Gracie. Happy day, bye bye now.