Seen a thingy in the local paper yesterday morning… Some chicky decided to start her own award’s ceremony…. No, not for acclaimed movie stars.. nor for someone who’s discovered a new vaccine… it was for the “least recognized” folks who do good…
Like neighbors driving neighbors to the doctor… Or… someone who volunteers @ Sunday School… or, being a foster parent… A someone non-related who looks in daily on ole Ms. McGillicutty… She called ‘em Perservering Through Adversity… a fine idea…
I’d like to start the “Checkenginelight Awards” – for people who ain’t recognized and prolly oughta be.. I’m thinkin’ about going to the junk yard and pulling a buncha hood ornaments to use for the trophies…
The folks that work Information (411) for the phone company.. I mean hell, they’re always there, and no one says thanks because they know their phone bill will be zapped the next go round..
Cooks everywhere. Hell, we tip the bartender.. we give a minimum of 15% to the waiter/waitress… whothehell thanks the cooks? They do the hard part..
Snowplow drivers. They only get yelled at if they’re not around on time.. ne’er do they get a kudos…. (I do wonder whatinthehell they do with the other 347 days per year they don’t plow though)…
The people that do automated phone voices.. There’s this poor chap @ UPS that Kendra (co-worker) hollers meanly at daily. He’s probably got a complex by now.. I mean hell, he’s real, he just ain’t there. I’m sure he drives home at night to a bitchy wife, crappy diapered kid just like the resta us.. We all hate automated responses.. but hell, what if tweren’t anyone to ever pickup?
The Washington Generals.. That’s the basketball team the mercifully loses to the Harlem Globetrotters EVERY game. WTF? Can’t we stop and say thanks?
Church organists.... Shoot, they generally have their back to everyone.. They pass a plate for envelopes and cash – but she gets none of it… I think they oughta let the organists have their own concerts @ church on Saturday nights. Serve wine (if Catholic) and put the damn collection plate right there infronta ‘em.
Air Traffic Controllers.. We never see ‘em, they always see us. Thanks.
Every day I come to the office and it’s clean. Presto. We never see ‘em.. Only time we think of ‘em is if the job ain’t done right. So.. thanks.
Gaffers. I mean, how can we forget the GAFFERS?........ BTW, WTF are they? Ya just see ‘em listed in every movie.. so, whilst they do roll in the credits – I don’t think they probably get proper credit. So thanks, gaffers.
Al Gore… Dang, if he’da never invented the Internet… the hell’d we do with our spare time? No one ever gives him the proper thanks….
Have you ever given one moment’s thought/thankfulness for those that clean up hospital operating rooms after operations? Eww, me neither. Do you think they talk about “what’s for lunch” as they clean the third operating room of the day?
Have I missed any?
Done now. Sorry can’t thinka no snazzy ending. Tune in tomorrow to learn who among us holds the current world record for jello shots. Bye bye now.
3 comments:
I want to give a few awards to the people that helped me get thru this weekend. BTW, I am the current Jello Shot Champion of the World. I received no belt of any kind for this, and if I had, I would have taken it off with my pants the minute I walked in the door of my house.
To the people who helped get me off the floor at the bar. I don't know (remember?) who you are, but I know it must have taken a few of you. I would gladly pay for the visits you will undoubtedly be making to the chiropractor if I hadn't spent all my money at the bar.
To my friends who got me halfway home. I say halfway because I made them stop the car at the park (which is roughly halfway home) saying I was nauseous (not really what I said, but I'm tryin' not to gross anybody out) and then I darted thru the woods. I've been told I darted. I don't think I have ever in my life done anything resembling a dart. I might have shuffled. Maybe looking somethin' like a zombie in "Night of the Living Dead" or somethin' like that.
Again to my friends for herding me the rest of the way home on foot. I am surprised my internal navigation was working so well considering it doesn't work at all when I'm stone cold sober. I made them chase me thru thorn bushes and random backyards. My best friend had on her corset and heels. Now maybe she gets why I wear a t-shirt and jeans to the bar. You never know where the night will take you...
To the police officers who didn't give me or my friends any tickets for the above mentioned way home. I'm sure people get angry when a hysterical drunk girl is traipsing thru their backyard so I get the whole calling the cops thing. Once again I don't remember this. Well, I remember lying on our deck and looking up at at the five oh. But what he advised me to do in my condition...? I got nothin'.
To everyone who saw me in my underwear, and I do mean EVERYONE, thank you for not laughing and I'm so, so, so sorry. Oh, who the hell am I kidding, I know you effers laughed. You're just lucky I don't remember.
To Random Hot Guy for getting Joy tipsy so she would scream at Rusty (the ex who was the cause for all this celebration) and not at me. For gently placing (I'm sure) my ass in Joy's Mustang. I would've loved to have seen that. For shoving crackers in my mouth even though I kept spitting them out all over the bathroom. My mouth was dry! Come on!! And for chasing me into the street when I thought it was a good idea to go out in my t-shirt and underwear. Freakin' hottest guy in Harrisonville, and trust me they are few and far between, and he sees me crawling around the house, running thru the streets in my undies. Seriously!
To the guy I went out with the Friday before, Zack with a K or Zach with an h, not sure, cut me some slack it was our first date...the tip about the tomato soup rocks. When you're hungover and you think you're gonna die...tomato soup. I'm tellin' ya.
To my Joy for taking me to the bar all these weekends and never leaving me there. Well, except for that one time and she totally came back. And for being so cute that the cops didn't give us tickets. And for not making me keep my pants on once I was in the house. If you didn't sense the sarcasm in that one, go back and try again. For not letting me puke in the rubber plant. For bringing me pillows. Did you do that? And mostly for screaming at Rusty. And also for being there anytime (well mostly) that I need her.
To my sister, first of all for teaching me how to make those damn jello shots. Secondly, for comparing me to a deer crossing the road when she saw me come "darting" (there's that word again) out of the house in my draws. I do not now, nor have I ever considered myself to be as lithe or graceful as deer. I would have compared myself to a charging rhino or maybe go back to the whole zombie thing again. Also to my sister for covering me up when I decided it was a fantastic idea to sleep in the bathtub. And for not getting mad at me for interrupting her (ahem, ahem) sleep. And for taking care of my ass when I couldn't even get off the couch the next day. And just in general for being my sister. Ain't she great, Vic?
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