I see.. .a bad moon a risin'....

"Mooning is the act of displaying one's bare buttocks by lowering the back side of one's trousers and underpants, usually without exposing the genitals. Mooning is used in some cultures to express protest, scorn, disrespect, or provocation. It can also be done for shock value or fun." (I stole that on some site from this ole engine Al invented... figured I'd better give props or risk the Deputy come knockin' on ma door.)

"A court in Maryland recently determined that mooning is a form of expression protected by the constitutional right of freedom of speech." HELL YEAH! You GO Baltimore!

Ya got any good moon stories? I'd loveta hear.....

One score and seven years ago (GD Victor, you know it's been longer ago than that)... Ok, maybe he's right.. LONG TIME AGO, our social group known as the Sigma Nu's... would get all hooped up... drive to campus... park infronta the girl's dorms... choreograph a straight line... turn around.. and moon. Dunno why, but we did. Parents from Ankeny to Abilene musta been proud of how their hard earned dollars were being utilized to ripen our brains...

Longabout 20 years or so ago, my wonderful (and I'm being serious) ex mother-inlaw decided to take a lap on the newly opened I-435 Highway... a beltway all around Kansas City made to avoid the heavily traveled North-South, East-West Interstates... YIPEEE! IT'S OPEN!... So, Rose Marie and Bill take off... Some three minutes into their drive, a passing car had four lads with their butts a pressed up agin' the window - mooning them. "Pressed Ham" I guess it's known as... "I'M NEVER GETTING ON I-435 AGAIN!" Rose Marie chimed...

I'm here today to pay tribute to my last moon... January 22nd, 1989... Super Bowl, 49'ers versus the Bengals.. Now I didn't give a shit one way or tanuther who won, but my buddy Dale was SO damn arrogant about how the Bengals were gonna "SMASH MONTANA" I hadta do sumpin. Twelve to fourteen of us were to gather, drink, be merry and watch the game...

"Honey?"... "Yes Victor."... "Would you c'mere? And bring a Magic Marker?"... "Why?"... "Come on, PLEASE?"... There I was, sprawled, ready to have ma cheeks 'painted'... "On this'n (pointing to left cheek) I want 'BENGALS'.. in REAL BIG letters."... "Victor, you're a moron."... "Aw come one, PLEASE??... and on this'n (pointing to right cheek) I want "SUCK" in EVEN BIGGER letters!"..... With some chagrin, the duty was carried out....

First quarter, boring as hell... 3-0 9'ers.. Nope... not yet... Halftime, 3-3.. WILL I EVER GET MY CHANCE?... Traded field goals again in the 3rd quarter.. BORING.. Fuggers run a kick back 93 yards for a touchdown...SHIT.. Dale's more and more obnoxious, and louder and louder, grating on everyone's nerves... THEN....... WE SCORE!!!! Yes, but that only ties it... Huh uh, timing ain't right...

In the 4th,they kick a field goal, lead 16-13. Shit shit. I begin to sweat, visions of drippy BENGALS SUCK running down my ass... Finally... FINALLY... Montana hits Taylor... 20-16!!! I THINK THIS IS IT... I've got some anti-freeze in me.. the timing is perfect.. So... there I go.. right up infronta the t-vee infronta 9 close friends (the 6 others I knew only 'so-so') I get on all fours... unsnap... drop trow... point the hiney in the direction of Dale.. and proudly boast BENGALS SUCK! Gosh I hope I didn't have skid marks..

The 9'ers did hang on for the win.. By Valentine's Day the writing had worn off.. but I for one (and maybe a couple of others) will have BENGALS SUCK forever etched...

I ain't mooned since. I'm not so honed in on societal ways that it's completely ruled out for the future... In fact, I'd moon George Bush.. Why just the other day at work, I almost mooned this chick. I mean HOW ARE WE TO KNOW WHEN YOU'RE PMS'N?.. Two minutes after eight.. I hollered her name over the cubicle wall to ask a question and I was met with a Nurse Wratchett sounding "WWWWHHHHATTTTTT?!!!" Excuuuuse me! I shoulda.. I allowed it to piss me off for the resta the day... Had we been in Maryland, I think I woulda dropped ma drawers right then and there...

It's rumored the moon was "invented" in England by Mr. Ben Dover in 1672. In fact, I think we oughta have a Holiday in his honor for mooning. Think of the benefits.. There'd be no bullets in drive bys... Bar brawls would be innocent and harmless.. Road rage would now only involve Windex... ER's would be empty (lessen'd you happened to be a goin' 75 MPH and meet up with a June Bug or Yield sign or sumpin).. Who needs President's Day? MLK Day? I mean, Labor Day, WTF? I want Ben Dover Day. I bet'd fly in Baltimore..

To you sicko, preverted fetish-types out there... This was NOT written tongue-in-cheek.