Thursday, February 15, 2007

I suck at relationships.........

I didn't necessarily say that - but there is some truth there I spose. I got a nifty email the other day that said something to the effect of what happens in our lives - and that we will be hurt in a relationship - and to remember that feel if you are ending a relationship. Believe me, I've been on both ends - and neither is fun.

Who is the judge at who is, and who isn't good at relationships? Is the divorced person automatically labeled "bad at a relationship"? Well, some might think that, but I wouldn't necessarily concur. Could there be a long term relationship where one (or both) of the parties could suck in a relationship? Sure.

Does it ever happen where two enter a relationship the road becomes "one way" and then onea the parties isn't 100% sure about wanting to go continue - perhaps wants turn around and it's difficult as hell? Sure. And the general recovery time correlates with the length of time the relationship lasted... whether it was a marriage... perhaps the first relationship ever... etc, etc.

What is a relationship - or better yet, is there such-and-sucha time frame where a relationship officially becomes a relationship? Of course engagement... of course marriage... Ya know, I think the word - relationship - simply means different things to different people. Relationship is generally associated with exclusivity - but, some ole liberal shits might not agree there... A relationship is to the two involved - whatever they want it to be.

What I've learned from past relationships: One can only control one's own feelings. This was perhaps the hardest lesson I've ever learned - and I've "learnt it" twice. I've learned there are occasions where I go to GD fast - and in Victurd's defense, generally the other person has too.

I've learned relationships are precious. I've learned the older I get, the more precious they become - and hopefully that coincides with the capability to enjoy the relationship.

I've learned the older I get, the more GD pickier I get. I've learned I sometimes have a hard time entering a relationship because of a fear of losing it.

I've learned I worry about my age - and I continually fight "hurry up" with "just let it happen/hope it happens". I absolutely know there's no forcing a relationship when one of the parties simply ain't in it.

I've learned - today (2/15/07) for instance - it's a whole GD lot better to think about where the relationship will be on 2/16/07 than where the relationship will be in five years, ten years, etc. I've learned, from being on both ends, to simply enjoy today. Life promises us no tomorrow - so there's no sense fretting about tomorrow. Sure, it's nifty to look forward and give hope for tomorrow - and I hope any/all here reading are successful in their wishes for tomorrow.... but again, back to reality, one can only control one's self/emotions/feel today.

The sad realization is - relationships always end. Everything ends. I am so perked to see relationships like Bobby and CJ's - where I simply know it will never end during their lifetime. I see Catom and Drew, and I think how remarkable it is to keep the spark there - when one is in KS, and the other is in VA. Do you have any idea how many have trouble and they live within 20 miles of each other? Hehe.

I see some who've stuggled like me at times... and may we all who have struggled simply learn each and every time. Do I want a relationship? Not yes, but hells yes. Can I force one? Not no but hells no. Will I have another one? I think so. Will I love again - absolutely.

Quite frankly, the best years of my life have been when I was in a relationship - and it's my hope I will live the majority of my time from here on out in a relationship.

Is life/the potential of a good relationship over because of failed marriages or failed relationships? Hell no.

Did you ever consider - if you are out there alone like me - that perhaps the best relationship is yet to come? Yummy to think of eh?

God Bless you all.... May every today be awesome... May you ne'er fret about tomorrow (no matter your situation)... And remember, every relationship has friction - but please try to confine it to the bed! Love, Victurd.

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