Sunday, February 11, 2007

I searched the world over and thought I'd found true love.....

Prior to the internet, search hada different meaning. For termites, it might be an Easter Egg hunt... punk snotnoses - a scavenger hunt... 20-somethings - would search for the right one for their egg/sperm... 30/40-somethings (roughly half) would search for someone to fool around with, yet still maintain their home/kids/reputation... 50-somethings searched for whatever in the hell happened to the body I usedta have that could be toned... 60's searched for the answer to 24 down... 70's searched the medicine cabinet.. and 80 & up would search for their identity...

Now - hell, we search online for everything. Dates (match.com, matchdoctor.com, myspace, perfectmatch, eHarmony, etc, etc.), history, mortgages, insurance, ancestry, restaurants, phone numbers, the news, soaps, books, music, clothes - damn near anything and everything.

Last year, among the top hobby searches were NFL, MLB, allrecipes, ancestry and Nascar. News: usatoday, cnn, forbes, nytimes and bbc.co.uk.....

To learn we go to mapquest, wikipedia, answers, reference and epinons.

I'm friggin old - last years top searches (top five) were: neopets, cheat code, runescape, naruto, and zillow. Huh? Neopets (boring), cheat code (little shits), runescape (225,000+ were playing online when I went there) and naruto (some ninjalooking Dennis the Menace with a Lisa Simpson haircut.) Zillow was a real estate site (how'd that get in there.)... The top searches were done by KIDS! GD KIDS! Go play in the yard you little shits... try kick the can... whiffle ball... go dig a hole, bury some shit, and then dig it back up next year. GIT URASS OUTTA MOM AND DAD'S HAIR!

Oh.. and sorry to burst your bubble there mom Sally and dad (shit the bed) Fred, but that ain't what the little bastards are really searching. Are you kidding me? Had we had the internet when I was nine it woulda been "show me Elizabeth Montgomery's boobies"... or Raquel Welch, or Goldie Hawn... Farrah Fawcet.. neopets, naruto - yeah right you little perverts... be for real.

Top TV show searches: Dancing with the stars, deal or no deal, days of our lives (wow, lotta sand thru that thing, somethings never change I guess), project runway and Good Morning America.

Top men searches : Harry Potter, Steve Irwin, Rush Limbaugh, Christopher Columbus and Chris Brown... Women: Sara Evans, Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton, Rachel Ray and Scarlett Johansson... GD, once again, learn I'm old.

This site (Cranky.com) indicated the top searches for us "Over 50" types were: Jobs after retirement (you've got to be fucking kidding me), brain builders (huh?), body mass index (what?), Reiki, blogs, arthritis and travel. Ok, I've maybe searched travel. You?

Let's agree to disagree - we're different (thank goodness) and that makes the world go round. Life, it'sa changing. Google it. Ask Jeeves. Yahooooooooooo.

With thanks to Buck Owens: Remember you phoned me a-sobbin' and cryin'.. The dog bit your maw, and drug her around... You said she looked pale and thought she was dying... I said "Don't worry, I'll buy a new hound.".... I had six kids and you had eleven - And we had a boy, and they grew like flowers... I wish you'd come back, without you ain't heaven 'Cause your kids and my kids are beatin' up ours.... Chorus: Where, oh where, are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I SEARCHED the world over, And thought I found true love.You met another and Phht! you were gone...

Tune in next time where the topic will be "I wish I could fucking remember what username and password I used for that, dammit." Like sands thru the hourglass, and applesauce down our colons, so go the days of our lives..... Happy happy, love, Victurd.

No comments: