Wipe 'em off the facea the earth….

Ok, you’re Planet Earth CEO for the day…. What all would you wipe offa the face of the earth?

Mosquito’s. I see no use for them. (Just shoot me, but were you aware it’s the FEMALE ONLY that sucks blood from animals, the males do not.) I read (slept) through 41 paragraphs of Wikipedia on mosquitoes, and I didn’t find one damned useful thing about them. Get ridda ‘em.

Prejudice people. If Google Earth can see every place, 24/7, and whatinthehell that’s going on - I think we need Prejudice Police to GPS prej’s… When caught demonstrating prejudice behavior - it’s an automatic “one-year-Velcro” sentence. What that means is, they’re taken to Arrowhead Stadium (it’s always empty, no one goes to the games any more because they suck) and they’re literally Velcro’ed to the type of person they discriminated against for one solid year. If that won’t get the biotches getting along - then I say shoot ‘em off into space for medical testing.

First Officer in the cockpit. The Captain is in charge. The First Officer becomes like the Vice President in times of harm. And the Engineer (2nd officer) does all the work at half the pay. What’s the possibility of BOTH the Captain and the First Officer having a cardiac on a 3 hour flight? I say screw it, dump the bastards, lower air fares to where we peons can even afford to see Vegas every three years. I mean, who needs “three quarterbacks” anyways? Stop and think, if Bush and Cheney both bite the dust - who’s next in charge? Uh huh, what I thought. Dump the 2nd officer.

Some quickies: Poison Ivy, Poison Oak, Piranhas, Jelly fish, Gnats, Flies. Raccoons don’t have to be on the list, but should they get within 25 feeta your house, it should be open season on the basta’s… hey… they literally snacked on my phone cords in the attic, and I pay the GD mortgage here.

Close your ears: Rock musicians over 60. Sorry, you don’t sound the same, you don’t look the same, the shape/facea the earth ain’t the same as your heyday, and you look repugnant with that 30 yr old under your arm. It’s really kinda revolting to watch you play and wiggle as if it’s erotic. If anything, you’re neurotic for thinking so. Here. Here’s a ticket (First Class) on the Space Shuttle… and a boxa Depends.

Gossipers. You know the type. They talk about A to B, and talk about B to C. Then they go to lunch, hangout, email, hug, kiss up to A, B, C. We know, you sunsabitches. You can’t fool us. The Penalty for Gossiping? You take all the amplification equipment the GD aging Rock Stars usedta own - you stick twelve Gossipers in a Motel 6 room (eh, approx 12x18), crank the microphone - and if one of them mutters a word - the sound is so GD loud they won’t mutter again for six months. Now? What were you saying about C? Hehe.

“Impotent” people. No, not really. I mean “Important” but it’s more fun to say “Impotent.” For all the ‘impotent’ men in the world - you Lorena Bobbit them (just temporarily.. You save the specimen in some formula, they do miracles now, and you reattach at the completion of their sentence) and you 100% restrict any banking transactions for one entire year.

For the “impotent” women - you yank off their gems, sell them for charitable work, if they be over fitty, you no letty them have hair dye.. If they under fitty, no botox, tanning beds, waxing, nails, toes, three car garages, or bridge clubs. Since sticking twelve Gossipers in a 12 by 18 Motel 6 room is surely bound to ‘cause a hygienic mess - you have the “impotent’ ladies serve as maids for one full year at the Motel 6.

Sexual preverts, priests with an eye on the alter boy, and teachers who take advantage of youth 20 years their junior. You take them to Kemper Arena ( no one goes there any more anyways), you handcuff them in their chairs - and you force them to watch Roseanne, Rosie O’Donnell, Ellen DeGeneres and Larry King reruns. After 11 months, you switch to Billy Graham Crusade CD’s for the final month.. .. then they’re free to go.

Morning, local meteorologists. Why? WHY do we continually pan to them 13 times in 30 minutes? Close your ears: Fuck your teasers.. Pay Jere, Chris, or Donna an extra $20 an hour to give a thirty second bleep “today it’ll be 43 at 7am, rise to fitty-nine by 1pm (with light, 8 mph winds outta the south), warming to a high of 63 by 4pm.” THAT’S IT. JUST TELL IT. Lock all the local meteorologists in a shared apartment of Gary L and Brian B for one full year, and if that doesn’t cure them, surely Stormy will.

Wow, two pages already and I’ve only just begun. I rectum (no connection to local meteorologists) I should run. Go. Get on wit it. Thanks for being here, thanks for your eyes. May you never be in one of the classifications above that gets wiped off the planet. I’m all outta creativity… Victor, whoever said you were ‘creative.’ Correct, I stand corrected. It’s Ok. Life’s a whole lot better now without all the useless sumbitches from above no longer in our way.

Until the next time my fingers (unfortunately) are magnitized to the keyboard. Do you think Keith Richards would make it outta the Earth’s atmosphere alive? Love, Victurd.