“I’m just now knowin’ that.”

Life’s fun, and funny. We begin as infants – minimum brain skills – but we slowly make our way…

After a year or so, we come to the realization of a whole new, upright world. We use our ears to listen – we understand bits and pieces – but we have no recourse to reply similarly.

Finally – we’re retorting, repeating, responding. But that ain’t enough. We wanna go out and play (by ourselves) like “the big kids.”.. We watch brothers/sisters/neighbors hop on the bus, “I wanna go too.” Can’t, sorry. Your time will come.

We go to school. It’s very very fun, new and exciting. Then… not long after we pray for a snow day. We play little league – it’s good and all, but we wanna wear a uniform with our town’s name on it like the 8th graders. Can’t, sorry. Your time will come.

Junior High. Big. We’ve made it. See my jersey? Damn I wish I could drive. Date. Work a job, have dollars to do what I wanna.

High School, not a care in the world. Ceptin’ how I’m gonna pay to take Sally to some fancified restaurant for Homecoming. Transmission slipping on my Chevy, and I make $7 an hour at the Piggly Wiggly. Wish I was out in the world with a real job so I could compete, make it. Can’t sorry. Your time will come.

Out in the real world now. YES! Ha ha, I don’t have homework, I don’t have to go to the Principal’s office. Hey, don’t we get like Spring break here? You mean I gotta work ALL summer? Uh huh. I wish I was like Jack and Diane – they have kids – are happy – it’s a treasure for them to come home to. I don’t have anyone. I don’t even live with my folks any more. Can’t yet. Sorry. Your time will come.

A BOY! A BABY BOY! YES, I’M A PARENT!.. We’ll have oodles of time for playing catch in the yard, setting up “army guys”, sledding, biking, Boy Scouts, Little League, Back to School Nights, PTA, Soccer…….. Man I’m gettin’ tired. It seems I don’t have a moment to sit down. I wish I was like the Jones’s. Their kid went off to college – they have quiet. They go out to dine any damn time they want. Sorry. Can’t. Your time will come.

Empty nest. FINALLY. We spend the first few hours, weeks months running around like kids – perhaps even reverting to our old youthful crazy sexual days. Soon we find ourselves saying “man it’s quiet in here. It went by so fast. I’d give anything to see onea my kid’s ballgames again. Go to a school ceremony in the auditorium and be proud.

WHAT? My baby boy had a little girl? I’ma grandpa? Wooooo hoooo! Can’t wait! . We’ll have oodles of time for playing catch in the yard, setting up “army guys”, sledding, biking, Little League, Soccer……. Geez I wish I didn’t have to work. This bein’ a grandparent, trying to relive my youth thru my G-kids is wearin’ me out. Ole Martin’s a lucky sumbitch – he’s got the gold watch and I’ll bet he’s at home flippin’ thru some 230 TV channels just as we clock in at the morning bell. I’d love to be retired. Sorry. Can’t. Your time will come.

I don’t have to go to work tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the following Tuesday. Or anytime in April. I don’t need a vacation – I’m retired. I’m living a vacation. Man this house is quiet. I kinda feel useless. I see kids look at me and think I’m worthless. Why if I could only show them how I usedta contribute to society. Now, Social Security restricts me and I can only get kinda menial jobs. Back’s been achin’. Takes longer now to get up, shower, get dressed. I really with I was 50-something/60-something again. Sorry, can’t. You had your time.

I loved Wayman Bright. Young kid, happened to be black. In high school and college I worked for the Park Department.. We’d tend to the swings, pools, grass, etc., of all the small parks in our town. Yes, this was still in the day when there were “white parks”, and “the black park.” I loved the black park. You’d go to the white parks and they’d be empty. Kids at home in the AC suckin on popsicles probably. The black park – action, fun, getting’ out and livin’ life.

Wayman had a smile that could literally light up the room. It was never off his face. Man o man he taught me. It was he who followed our every move, asked questions about “why you doin’ that?... when are ya gonna do this?”… I thought I was educating him. Wrongo. He always smiled. Chose happy. Lived happy. It took me some years – but now I think back and thank Wayman for role modeling.

One day we painted the jungle gym in the black park early morning. After lunch we made our way back to the park to clean the pool. Wayman was climbing allover the jungle gym – but of course when our truck pulled up he vaulted off – sprinted to us – asked another 32 smiley questions.. and suddenly looked down and realized he had green and red paint allover him, his shirt, pants, arms, even some on his face. He paused, still keeping the smile and said “I’m just now knowin’ that.”

We hop, skip, run, hurry thru life’s stages. Occasionally we dwell in one – and can’t wait for the next progression. Too bigga hurry to stop and smell the roses, we can’t wait for the day we’ll have the time to plant our own.

I do hereby promise – to try to remember to enjoy the stage of life I’m in. Life is fleeting. That was me above – in a hurry to “move on up to the next level.” Fleeting, it’s so fleeting. I swear I’ll wear Wayman’s smile from here on out. I will remember this IS my time. Thanks Wayman. I’m just now knowin’ that. Love, Victurd.