The human body - whadda wonder.. We’re each shaped differently, longer, bigger, smaller, taller, shorter, wider, skinnier, hair here, no hair there, even different shaped parts on our parts.
I bathe. I’ve always loved baths. Stepson usedta tell me “my dad says baths are yuck because you’re only sitting in your own dirt.” Rectom that’s true - but I still bathe today. Nothing like laying back - soaking. Sliced break, amour, and soaking - not necessarily in that order.
Eyeing the soap - which part first? Do I dare clean the ‘yuckiest’ part first? Why it’s certainly the dirtiest - but - then wouldn’t the ‘yuck’ be allover the soap whilst I lathered the not-so-yuck parts? Ewww…. Wash my face after? How can you do that?
We have a soap battle at our house. We normally have several bars - but only one opened. I primarily use it in the tub in the mornings. Maynard - after his own bath/shower, will again retrieve it later in the day - and leave it on the sink in the bathroom. It never fails in the morning I jump in the tub - give that “ahhhhhh yes!”.. lookup - and there ain’t no soap there. Kinda makes deciding which part to clean first a moot point. So up I go, freezing - water tracks on the floor - soap retrieved. It never feels quite as good jumping in a second time.
Wonder what the backa my head looks like? Or my butt? I ain’t got two mirrors - so it’s an unknown. Hell - I don’t even have a full length mirror so don’t see ma legs that often. I gotta itch-in-the-get-along mid back. At work, I used corners of walls to scratch it. Wonder what it is? Some dreadful form of skin cancer? Eh, I’ll leave it back there. Can’t see it anyways.
We are so accustomed to life “with our front” - we’re a completely different/unknown person back there. Wouldn’t it be really cool if we did have eyes in the back of our head? You could catch people staring. Victor, do you really think at age fitty-five people are staring at you? If they in fact are, it’s certainly with a snicker. HEY, I’ll have you know - just yesterday, some chicky at work said “are you losing weight?”
Thanks to our company’s “Biggest Loser Contest”, lacka McDonald’s combo money, and Wendy’s $1 salads “ - “yes, I have lost weight.” “You look HOT!”…”You can’t be HOT at fitty-five!“…It was nice to hear that someone noticed my belly ain’t so big any more but.. “Hot? Lukewarm?.. Tepid?… no.” (We just had some healthcare outfit come out and prick our fingers, run all kindsa tests - I’m thinking they shoulda done eye tests instead.)
Back to the tub… Ahhhhh yess…. Look at all those marks on my hands/arms… I HATE losing catfights with Jackson… He puts up with me for a time, teases me unmercifully (as I do he) - and then he gets to the that “alright, I’ve had enougha this shit” and the claws come out.
I’m reminded of the gal back East, World-Class Fencer… dude happened to break into her apartment as she was practicing. Oops. “It was good practice” she triumphantly said moments after he was led away bleeding/handcuffed. I guess I’m “mice practice” with Jackson.
What about your hands Victor? What about them? Well, I guess they talk. Everyone’s hands talk. They speak of not only the work we’ve done over the years - but the balls we have caught, home improvements they’ve created, guitars they’ve strung, backs they’ve patted, sofas/bed/dressers we’ve carried - and of course the joyous touch of he and she.. They say, the length of a man’s thumb kinda tells you ‘the probable size of his ‘you-know’ - hey, I’ve never really investigated!…………….. Ahm, never mind. Where were we?
Ok, feet. They are soooo GD (gosh darn) far from the hands, there’s effort involved in cleaning them. Come on, tell the truth - do you wash them EVERY time? I’m not talking dip ‘em in the water - I’m talking rubbing soap, scouring them. Me? Oh mebbe every other time. Wanna smell ‘em?
Bubble farts. Tell the truth. Had/have 'em?
Ok, ‘parts’ washed, pits done, the yuck place, legs, front, as much of our back we can reach… hair.. Shampoo… conditioner… done… finito… Ever ‘washed a mate’? That can be fun.
Time to towel off. Are you a one/two or three towel person? Do you use it like floss see-sawing thru those ‘parts’? Do you have one towel just for your hair? Do you have a big’n so no one can see exposed parts as you exit? DO YOU USE THE SAME TOWEL NEXT TIME? I refuse to answer on the grounds that one may…
So do you like “check yourself out” in the mirror? Envision what mebbe the opposite sex would think of you if you were in their shoes? Do you make gnarly faces at the mirror when u see if there’s any chunksa crap in your teeth? Do you comb ur hair nekkie? Do you shave (if you do that) then? During bath? Before? For real, do you like have to bend over to do that? Do it whilst ur on the squatter? Ever accidentally gash it and it’s like three nights of “not tonight Ralph”?
Do you put on ur top or your bottom first? Come on, tell the truth - ever flip ‘em over and use ‘em the next day?
The after bath, after shower feel is a good one. Then we go ‘live’. Living is dirty. Doors, door handles, stool flusher thingys, stool lids, paper towel dispensers.. Hand time clock thingys.. Sharing.. We share cooties all day.. We sweat, we toil, we poop, we pee, we walk, job, sit, stare. Dirty, it’s a dirty life.
Rubber Ducky,
you're the one,
You make bathtime lots of fun,
Rubber Ducky,
I'm awfully fond of you;
(woh woh, bee doh!)
Happy scrubbing, love Victurd.
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