Balance...

We don’t think about this word much, but it’s crucial in our everyday progress….

We begin as snotnoses, and somewhere around six-eight months, we suddenly pull ourselves up to the coffee table, hang on, get this wondrous look in our eyes, and begin to learn all about balance, and lack thereof…

We advance to the teeter-totter, and the lil’ asshole friend that jumps off whilst we’re at the pinnacle - and we limp away smarting with a hurt tailbone for days…

In our youth, we’ve got our parents to “watch our back” and protect our balance between, school, scouts, little league, church, dance, the neighborhood/neighborhood friends, and family.

As we age, more and more our folks step back, and we test the waters of balance. Some off the deep end, some to the “oh so straight” end, and many somewhere inbetween….

We become adults… have snotnoses ourselves, and we worry about the balance of home life, work, kid’s stuff, household duties, time spent with this set of in-laws or that set of inlaws, attention to this child, that child… and of course, the balance of our bank account.

The kids, as they age and learn about balance all by their lonesome - leave us to question “how do we balance life now since we ain’t got anyone we need to help balance?” (And “how dare those ones that SHOULD be balanced [bank account-wise] call and ask for help in ‘balancing’.)

Having checkenginelight and the Hot… Rod… Lincoln… I know all about engine balance (and lack thereof)…

Witnessing (VERY closely) I know all about chemical imbalance…

Having my left testi surgically repaired (hydrocele, corrected, drained, went from grapefruit to the kinda natural golfball size)… I know all about seemingly gay urologists standing 15 feet away, saying “ok now drop ‘em”… and then putting thumbs together, fingers upward, peering thru and stating “OHHHHh… they’re perfect.” Balanced, I guess they were/are.

The Olympics. One misstep. One fraction of an inch off… Falling off the balance beam. Stumbling face first on a double pirouette…

Today I was staring at my fingers. One didn’t look quite right. I remembered. Oh, ‘bout twenty years ago - I decided I was gonna install a rock fireplace in our abode. For me, this was a test. I am not mechanical at all, nor do I consider myself “King of the Do-It-Yourself”…



So…. I read books.. I bought the crap.. (fireplace… brick… mortar… piping… ) and I spent BOO-KOO hours/days/anda couplea months configuring this thing. I cut a circular hole thru the roof to put the ‘zero-clearance’ stove pipe thru… I ‘formed’ the brick facing of the fireplace… neatly measured/leveled/BALANCED all the bricks… all that was left was the mantel…

I hurriedly drilled holes, sunk screws in to adhere it… Stepped back (much like the gay doc staring at my testi’s)….. “sumpin’s wrong… it ain’t balanced.” So, I walked up to the mantel, grabbed the heaviest claw hammer I had… pulled my arm back like I was Brett Farve, SLUNG it… (to knock the mantel off, to do over)… ceptin’…. I forgot to remove my left hand from the mantel… Uh huh… The hammer landed on my left middle finger’s nail. A moment in life I will never-EVA forget. I cried for maybe four hours?.. The mantel wasn’t balanced - and oh I oh so paid the price.

We balance our speakers. Our lawnmower wheels. Our attention. Our money. Our phone calls. Our participation (kid’s sports/plays/other stuff)… We even balance what “he/she” wants to do, versus our own wishes.

Balance is difficult. Newton tells us “for every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction.” (For instance… perhaps walking down the street… placing eyes upon “THE Goddess”… and u suddenly feel a baby ‘twitch’.. and her eyes meet yours, she rolls hers, says “umpphh” and you’re left completely imbalanced to all that.)

Balance your eating. Carbs, proteins, dairy, fruits, veggies, etc…

Mentally balanced. We’ve all (mebbe) been thru those days where we were ‘fer shur’ life was gonna end. We’ve all been tested by the course of events in life that happen.

Life is a never ending search for balance. We go off the deep end. We straddle/balance in the middle to “not make waves”… We’re vocal when we think there’s an imbalance.. We’re rarely completely balanced..

The aged. Poorer balance. Just two weeks ago, my wonderful 80-something uncle, attending his sister-in-law’s 90th, fell on his nose… broken.. Hand may never be the same… we get creaky as we age…

My mother’s cousin, now approaching 90... Fell…. Swelling in brain.. Had to literally drill a hole in her skull to allow the fluid buildup to drain out.. She was having balance difficulties - and is an full care facility to “relearn balance.”

I guess, if there is a point, we’re never balanced long. Or indefinite. Life events happen. People, things, events, happenings, happen. They knock us outta balance. Friends, loved ones, co-workers help us regain balance.

That day we crawled up to the coffee table… lifted ourself up… one hand on the table… the other out in the air to help balance… wavering at the waist… rocking back and forth…

All SO very telling of what lies ahead. Why’s it sometime so difficult to balance life’s events when a GD dog can have a ‘bone’ placed on his nose - trained to “STAY” (Balance) and then told “go” to chomp it down.. Why’s that so very easy - when “out here”, balance is difficult.

I am the world’s worst “ice-skater”.. amongst the worst “rollerskater”s… Skiing? Average, very average. I ‘waiver’.

Reckon life is about wavering. All about that gleam in the eye and the intrepidness of imbalance.

Balance equals perfection. There ain’t sucha thing. Striving for is a good thing. Momentarily attaining is wonderful. Let’s simply face it though, life is imbalanced. But it’s hella fun trying to teeter totter our way thru it.

Loveya, Victurd.