There ain't no one song to describe you.... Rummaging through the back of my mind (scary, I know): You can't always get what you want... Whole lotta love... What's it all about, Alfie... Wonderful world... Spinnin' Wheel... Tubthumping...
Hey Snagglepuss, turn left here if ya wanna as this is gonna be sappy. Hop off the bus Gus.. On a jet plane.. Don't let The Doors When the Music's Over hitya in the... nevermind.
Awoke this morning at 3:10am. Aghast, you might be - please don't - I had plenty of sleep (for me).. I'm excited about this day... No, nothing hardfast planned - it's more "Thank you Lord for another day, I'll try to make the most of it."
Things within that would peeved me off 10, 15, 20 years ago - nuh uh, you ain't gonna get me now.
I'm six visits in to a chiropractor to try to figure out whyintheheck my lower back hurts, why, after way too many years of cubicle life, bending over to line baseball diamonds, load suitcases - my body has started to gimme that "lean over" look where the head is ahead of the resta the body... working on returning to upright. I truly ain't gonna complain. Just means I've got to lift my head a bit to see the wonder you offer (keyword 'lift')
At the Community Center yesterday... I'm finding it's a wonderful look at life. If I go in the afternoon - it's filled with "Me's, of yesterday." Darned flat-bellies! Thoughts of "I remember when I could do that" run through my head - and I cherish the thought of what lies ahead for each of the exuberant folks I encounter.
If I go mid-morning, it's filled with "Me's, of tomorrow." Folks older than me. They go slower - but is that due to age? Sure, partially. But I also feel it might be due to "I ain't sure how much there is left - I'm gonna suckup every moment." Seems you never witness consternation, worry from them. Congenial. Learned?
My cousin, at age 70, wrote "Be careful about the petty things in life. Stacked next to a person's life they become so insignificant and small." That, to me, is pretty darn beautiful.
When I was a young flatbelly, I believe (and would like to believe)I treated folks in their 60's, 70's, 80's, etc, with the respect they'd earned. That said, certain there was a tad "wet behind the ears" that subconsciously hinted "Move over folks, you've had your time, it's our time now."
Understand, but oh contrare. I'm finding age a beautiful thing. I know, I know "Old dog, new tricks" - poof, I prefer to see it as "Old dog, enjoy every trick (moment)you see."
No, I ain't dying (at least I don't think so) - but I know that one day is coming - and, to me, it really changes things. I choose to find love in a world where there is some hatrid. I choose to drive the speed limit on the Interstate so I won't perhaps miss a view. Let 'em go around me - I remember when I was in a hurry too.
I choose to be ok with being 12th in line at the Dollar Tree where there's one cashier.. One or two aheada me fuming "CALL ANOTHER CASHIER UP DANGIT" - Age has helped me to not worry so much about that. Instead, I delight at the curly headed 3 year old in front.. Admire the mom with one on her arm, two in the basket.. appreciate the things the 80 year old has picked out - and wonder how much will be left for him for the month after said purchase.
Age rearranges the view from "I wish there weren't so many in line" to, "I am glad there are so many in line, for there are many wonderful folks from life that ain't no longer "in the line" of life. I'll get there (to the front) but I'm (trying) to choose/see the waiting, the time, as a good thing... hustle bustle was yesterday, last week, last year, last decade, last time I had a flatbelly.
I find glee, truly, in seeing those lucky enough to be mated to the same person for life. Sure, I'd like to be among 'em, but I ain't gonna let no bumps in the road keep me from motoring the remainder of life happily. Strangely, after divorce, singledom - any portion of a relationship (or even a potential beginning) is heart-throbbing now, maybe even moreso than the old class ring days. Whe's the last time you gifted flowers? Opened a door? Dreamed up a list of things to say, ask, find out more about one? Heck, it reminds me of having a flat belly!
I'm rambling, I'm sorry, kinda. The message, as always, is to me. It's why I write. "Check engine light". Every damn car I've owned (VICTOR, you made it all the way to the end without cussing, must you now?).. Every damn car I've owned, the check engine light eventually comes on. Used to REALLY REALLY bug me. Every time good was a going along, crapola would happen.
Now, it just means the left rear driver's side tire needs air... or, there ain't enough money at present, but I get paid next Wednesday, all is good. Or, she said "no", "left me", "changed her mind." All good, means I can be a heart throb kid again one day, albeit in an old person's bod. Tubthumping, it's a way, the way, of life.
Ain'tno ain'tno prophetic ending, other than perhaps "Damn, I'm glad I'm still alive."
I think I'll live while I am. Love, Victurd.
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