Sign Sign everywhere a sign…

Blocking out the scenery breaking my mind
Do this, don’t do that, can’t you read the sign…

Was drivin’ down the road the other day.. I-435 goin’ across the Missouri River..
There in bigass electronic 12 by 18 foot sign “NO MORE TRASH!”…

So, I had just left work (PLEASE, one 15 minute break in the morning, ONE 15 minute break in the afternoon, between the times of…. We will monitor your internet usage.. First offense warning, second offense warning, third time day off without pay.. Please SIGN here that you've read your Employee Guide.”)…

“MAY 1st THROUGH 15th AGGRESSIVE DRIVING WILL BE ENFORCED.“

So I said to myself, “Self, I don’t enjoy those. It really kinda pisses me off that some (probably henpecked) little 5’4”, 120 lb wimpola sits in the DOT office making up his little WATCH OUT slogans - then later drives his ‘89 Escort by them - and doinks himself off in his own empowered enjoyment.”

Relax. We needta relax on the highway - not get more festered up.

The city of Oak Lawn, IL agrees with me. Under their state signs they placed slogans such as
STOP “and smell the roses.” STOP “means that you aren’t moving.” Illinois DOT musta had their own (probably henpecked) little 5’4”, 120 lb wimpola sits in the DOT office making up his little WATCH OUT slogans and the made the City cease. Damnit Jim.

Imagine the possibilities? STOP in the name of love.. STOP now what’s that sound everybody look whats going down.. GO (MU).. GO (Chickenhawks).. GO away (Dept of Tourism).. STOP, is your zipper up? Fun ones. STOP picking your nose. STOP it. RADAR love. DO NOT CROSS THE WHITE LINE (you might haveta walk it)..

Mebbe even commercialize it a bit, allow sponsors.. Raise funds to pay litter-picker-uppers. YIELD to Bud Light. SPEED LIMIT 55 (older than 55? Try us, we’ll get you up to speed, Viagra.) GO go, Herm’s Strip Club.. GO west young man (Horace Greeley’s Bar and Grill, next exit.)

(To) GO: Taco Bell… GOt milk? (American Dairy Council.)

Now, hey you Mister! Can’t you read, you got to have shirt and tie to get a seat, You can’t even watch, no you can’t eat, you ain’t supposed to be here.. Sign said you got to have a membership card to get inside.

Life was bouncy in the fitties. For you young turds who don’t remember - the old one-lane-each-way highways had Burma Shave ads… small, white signs spaced every quarter mile or so.. One to three/four words on each sign.. Madeya pay attention until the last sign.. Of course. “Burma Shave.”

For example:

On curves ahead
Remember, sonny
That rabbit's foot
Didn't save
The bunny
Burma-Shave

Twinkle, twinkle
One-eyed car
We all wonder
WHERE you are
Burma-Shave

Doesn't
Kiss you
Like she useter?
Perhaps she's seen
A smoother rooster!!
Burma-Shave

Life is stressy enough. We need light. We don’t need to piss of the guy that’s one-half car length behind us at 68mph. Dude might be callin on his cell to apologize to his old lady ‘cause he’d forgotten trash day and allofasudden NO MORE TRASH. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…

Ok. All better now.

And the sign said everybody welcome, come in, kneel down and pray
But when they passed around the plate at the end of it all,
I didn’t have a penny to pay, so I got me a pen and a paper and I made up my own little sign,
I said thank you Lord for thinking about me, I’m alive and doing fine.

Ok, time to sign off. GO enjoy life. YIELD to fun moments. STOP and remember, life, it be good. Love, Victurd.