My Horoscope today: “Not everyone sees life as you do, or wants to. Your sense of mischief and fun arises no matter what your choice of decisions may be. A partner could be bellicose because he or she wants your time. Tonight: Look into cloning yourself - so many people want you.”
Ok, let’s break this crap down. “Not everyone sees life as you do, or wants to.” Well no shit Sherlock, did you just get here? I coulda fuckin’ toldya that, and I’d be hard pressed to find the Big Dipper on a cloudless night!
“Your sense of mischief and fun arises no matter what your choice of decisions may be.” Again, this is THE WAY I live life - or try to. Why is this, July 2nd, so different from April 7th, or September 9th, or October 13th? Duh.
“A partner could be bellicose” GD I HATE when people use words I have no friggin’ idea what they mean. Brb, going to Webster.
Bellicose = Warlike in manner or temperament; pugnacious. See Synonyms at belligerent..
DAMMIT, SHE RODE OFF ON A HARLEY LOOOOOOONG AGO. Get with the program!
“Tonight: Look into cloning yourself - so many people want you.” Look mofo, the only place I’ve been popular of late is the friggin mailbox. “Pay your water/sewer by such-n-sucha date OR ELSE.” Geico (the car insurance folks) at least make it not quite so painful when they send their “uh oh” HOT PINK envelopes…. “Look bitch, you stopped cable three months ago, WE WANT OUR GD BOX BACK.”
I will admit however, I’m intrigued by the “Look into cloning yourself.” Imagine the possibilities:
You’re at work, you’re thinking “there’s one or two places I’d rather be” SO, one of you gets up, drives to Corner Bar and proceeds to Bowl a 653 three game series. In the middle of the day. On Tuesday. And you don’t have to take vacation, sick leave.
You could take turns with your clone on the shit you wanna do, don’t wanna do. “Ok, today you go rent that canoe, take that one chicky from MySpace you’ve been hot after down the Platte River. BUT TOMORROW IS MINE.”…… K….
K, they’re saying we can only have one smoke break in the morning. Any time between 9:30 and 10:30... And one in the afternoon, ‘tween 2:30 and 3:30... You go at 9:30, I’ll go at 10, you go at 2:30 and I’ll smoke at 3p… Fuckin’ A Ray.
Hey, you remember that lady from Sikeston in yesterday’s blog who was impregnated by onea the two identical brothers, and she wasn’t sure which one cause she’d slept with both? CAN WE DO THAT? HUH HUH, CAN WE? Look bitch. We “get it” mebbe two-three times a year the way it’s been going. Let’s not push the envelope. Not everyone sees life as you do, or wants to. Where have I heard that before?
You’re no fun clone. I think one of us should be spoiled rotten all of the time. Look bitch, are you getting bellicose with me? You want MY time, I want YOUR time. Let’s look at the good, with each other, we’ll have Matching matching 401K‘s, two Community Center memberships, we’ll split the Levitra (oops, never mind… so sorry), we‘ll make enough in two weeks to pay two house payments..… and we’ll take turns opening presents on October 13th.
“so many people want you.” Uh huh, right. Like today, in my “new” checkenginelight. I get in, it reminds me I’m low on washer fluid. The driver’s side door is ajar. It digitaled something else that I can’t remember now - and - as I proudly drove my co-workers to/fro lunch in my new fancy ride… after a sharp left I GD nearly lost the front seat passenger as there seems to be a baby problem with the door latch on the passenger side. The door flung wide open. Forntunately, I liked the passenger, and even more fortunately, she was buckled in.
This feature COULD come in handy in internet dating. Twice I can recall wanting to turn the hell around after the very first glimpse. (Victor, are you confusing yourself with like Kurt Russell? Mebbe they wanted to get the F out right away too!).. Yeah, right you are… The first chicky, many grey hairs and pounds later - laughed about her picture being 8 yrs old… and the 2nd one.. Well… I won’t go into it… Please just trust me, it wasn’t a good thing. So, mebbe, I’m diggin’ this new checkenginelightmobile. Bad date? Quoting Snagglepuss, exit, quick turn left!
Ok, sorry, back. About Astrology. I don’t believe it. They got the “not everyone sees life as you do” right. Hell, that’s a given. ‘Mischief/fun’. That too is a given. A bellicose partner. Swing anda miss. Look into cloning yourself, so many want you. Lemme see. This trek started in 2001. Ahm, I don’t think they’re beating down the door to see Victor.
Now, however, I gots my ‘95 Lincoln Continental (buckle in if you sit upfront).. So mebbe they’re right. I do have quite a cassette collection in the trunk.
Eh, so I continue on. I do look at the stars. I don’t pay attention to their alignment. I do read my daily horoscope. It rarely is on the mark. Must be the dawning of the age of Aquarius.
When the moon is in the Seventh House
and Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars
This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius
The age of Aquarius
Aquarius! Aquarius!
Harmony and understanding
Sympathy and trust abounding
No more falsehoods or derisions
Golden living dreams of visions
Mystic crystal revelation
And the mind's true liberation
Aquarius! Aquarius!
When the moon is in the Seventh House
and Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars
This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius
The age of Aquarius
Aquarius! Aquarius!
As our hearts go beating through the night
We dance unto the dawn of day
To be the bearers of the water
Our light will lead the way
We are the spirit of the age of Aquarius
The age of Aquarius
Aquarius! Aquarius!
Harmony and understanding
Sympathy and trust abounding
Angelic illumination
Rising fiery constellation
Travelling our starry courses
Guided by the cosmic forces
Oh, care for us; Aquarius
Star light, star bright,
First star I see tonight,
Screw my clone, I wish I may,
I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight.
Love, from the heavens, Victurd.
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