Speak up Sonny!!!!

Old. Ok, you whippersnappers can run, or… you can stay and laugh…

I’ve had numerous occasions in my life where I’ve felt…. Old.

Usedta own a mom and pop delivery service. I’d always gone myself to the accountant - and after 4 or 5 trips I said “you know, you do the books.. He’s asking me questions I really don’t know… will you go next time?”…… so….. We go… Long about four minutes into our visit, after he’d looked over everything… he pipes in with “WELL… aren’t you gonna introduce me to your daughter?”

October 13th, 2002 (My 50th birthday)… at the mailbox… Liberty, Missouri… 5:36pm… AARP? I don’t fucking believe it.. A letter from AARP!

That first swing in slow pitch… GD I went from age 54 (when he released pitch) to 56 by the time I swung… oh.. And I turned 57 before I reached first base.

The longest unambiguously documented lifespan is that of Jeanne Calment of France (1875-1997), who was aged 122 years. I wonder if she still thought about sex at 122. I hope so. Shigechiyo Izumi, at 120, is believed to have been the longest living man. It’s highly certain he thought about sex at age 120.

Oldest to ever give birth…. Adriana Iliescu… age 67. Mom? Where are the toys? Are you telling me there’s no toys at Golden Acres?

Oldest living President. George W. 83.

Welcome to WalMart… Oldest living worker: 102 year old Russell Clark, manager of an industrial park and other real estate developments. Wonder if he surfs the internet? MySpace account? Depends I guess.

Dimitrion Yordandis, ran the Athens marathon race at age 98. Shit, I needed this. I feel young. I think I’m going to the Community Center to try a one and a half off the high dive.

At age 60, Kansas City’s own Satchel Page became the oldest to ever play in the major leagues. Oh, and he pitched. Three innings. Three SHUTOUT innings. (Oldest to ever play in a professional game? Kansas City’s own: Buck O’Neill, age 94, Kansas City T-Bones.)

Oldest College Graduate? Nola Ochs, age 95, Fort Hays State University, Class of 2007. Oh, and she was a Zeta Tau Alpha, and on the pom pon squad. Just teasing.

Oldest to climb Mount Everest: 71
Oldest to parachute: 92

From an old blog’a mine (probably stolen/borrowed from Chuck Shepherd < I tell you, you gotta go there sometime: Of elderly drivers and confusion: Age 89, Dearborn, Mich. backed into his own garage, panicked, accelerated into a neighbor's house across the street... age 89, New London, Conn - plowed through a summer festival crowd, injuring 27... age 86, Brookfield, Wis. - drove through front doors of a McDonald's, hehe, "Honey, I'm going to go getme onea them AARP discounted Egg McMuffins, brb."... age 84, Tamarac, Fla. - backed over her landlord, then panicked and drove over him again, then panicked and backed over him again, with one of the drive-overs fatal..

Aging rocks. We can’t slow down Mother Nature, but we can have fun/make fun. Every day truly is a gift. Had lunch with “old” friends today. Drove there in my “old” car. Listened to “old” songs along the way. Got home tonight, put on my “old” comfies. Will sleep alone tonight, that’s getting “old”. Mirror = “old”. Royal’s losing, especially to Yankees, getting “old”. Priest Holmes coming back! “Old.”

Car tires, house decorations, mailbox, deck, wardrobe, hamburger in fridge, “old.” Internet dating - “old”. Starting over “old.”

It’s all good. “Old” is keepsake. “Old” is precious. “Old” is the lump formed in the mattress. Comfy.

Think I’ll go see my “old” buddies, bowl a game. Have one. Might as well look the act. Gonna leave my zipper down and left turn signal on. Oh, and white patent loafers, pants hiked up above belly button.. And I promise to bitch about the Government.

I can’t wait to grow old (er). Love you.. Now WTF was your name again? Victurd.