Single and fitty...... something....

As I grew up… observing the love of my folks… the tight bonds of virtually every couple from that era… I’da said you were a fool if you’da told me I’d be single, and 50.… something.

I Googled “Single and 50” (which is fancy for Yahoo’ed it, ‘cause everyone Googles, I think I’m more of the right brain… besides, I’ve gotten laid before off Yahoo… Google’s never done shit for me.)…

Founda book that actually sounded kinda interesting…. Savvy Senior Singles by Samantha Landy… I liked her approach…

Every seven seconds, someone turns 50 and faces the second half of his or her life. Half or better, get there single. Sure, some by loss of spouse thru death - many by an untimely divorce…

Samantha said “There were countless books written for singles in the 30-50 age group, but the selection for ‘the 50+ set’ was disappointing at best—mostly empty promises presented by people who don’t have a clue what it’s like to walk in the shoes of a single living in a world that idolizes youth and denies the validity of the natural aging process,” she recalls. “The needs of a staggering number of people were simply not being met.”

I likes that. Idolize youth, and deny the validity of the natural aging process. It’s true. Ya peek at them singles sites - and one in three will tell you “been told by many I don’t look my age.” Or, they dress punkass, or play punkass music. If you’re by chance under fitty and reading this, it ain’t personal. I didn’t think of how fitty-somethings thought when I was younger.

Samantha’s book talked about “the skyrocketing rates of STD’s in senior singles. WHAT? Someayou fuggers are actually gettin’ laid? I hate your guts!

Pre-nups… a common thing. Buddy ‘o mine a few years back… went into divorce court inebriated… told the judge “Ahhhll I whannt is mah coooler.” The judge awarded him, his cooler. I’m kinda diggin’ on this coon family in my attic, I think that’d haveta be in my pre-nup. Along with the ‘95 hot…. Rod…. Lincoln… (oh, and my cassette tapes.)

Her book ain’t about how to get a fantastic new body… a mile long list of rules and regimens…

If I didn’t fear the bastards in our IT Department at work would steal my debit card info, I think I’d order it on Amazon.com.

Really I think, without reading, her books simply says “make the most of your hand… no matter how the cards are dealt.” Kinda likes that too. Oft times, we have no control in life on what card comes outta the deck next. Why waste time on the things we can’t control. Why get our bowels in an uproar when it won’t be long before we can’t control them anyways?

So I say… Have sex… Don’t say “damn… I wish she (or he) was 30...” Just close your eyes and think 30 anyways. Or… Think 50... Something.. And imagine all the 30-somethings that ain’t getting laid at that particular moment. Oh, but Samantha spoke of the STD thing. So… no glove, no love. Hehe.

Ya go on a date and when you meet ya think “there ain’t no way in hell”… sooooom thinka the time spent as a page in the scrapbook of your life.

A relationship that’s ended? Be thankful that it was a parta your life…

One that you think is really hot and she (or he) refuses to budge/go out with you? (Close your eyes and pretend you’re doinking each other anyways.. and at age 30-something. The art of visualization is great when utilized at fitty... something)

Life, at our age is precious. Every moment counts. I tire of the lemonade outta lemon thing. But there’s nothing wrong with smiling through thin. And “oh baby - oh baby” ing thru the thick.

There are several alternatives to being single at fifty…..something. We could be in relationship - and unhappy. We could be in relationship and happy. We could be dead. Given those alternatives, being single and happy ain’t bad.

I think I’m going to bed now. I didn’t have to tell that to anyone, just didso outta politeness to you. Ain’t sure what I’ll do tomorrow night - but I’ll decide that. Would I rather be doinking with the lights off and pretending we were each thirty? Yeah, reckon. If it was right. But if it ain’t - single and fitty…… something, ain’t bad.

If YOU are single… and fitty…. Something… Go... on you go.. RIGHT NOW… go have somea the best sex ya ever had…. What’s stopping you! You don’t need permission! (Just close the blinds.)

Love, Victurd.