Another day... another dollar....

Peeked in on Reid and Soanya (the 55 yr old dude and 23 yr old dudette that are attempting to break the world record for continuous sailing)… Record is like 600+ days, they’re attempting 1000. Thrice around the globe. After their adventurous start (sailed into a Naval firing range, had a wreck with a freighter, had “mast problems” <- read into the May-December whatever you want.). Things are pretty calm with them.. They just crossed the equator and watched their GPS countdown, and then up as they did. They aren’t having to fish as “flying fish” are landing on their deck every day - they scoop them up and send ‘em to the fryin pan for supper. Ninety days down, 920 to go… If you’re bored, go to 1000days.net

Victor, no one cares about your body. Yes, I’ve noticed that the last six years. Ok, scratch that, the last two with whatshername too, so make it eight years. Anyways, I’m paying for playing. Just this morning as I got into my car my right thigh screamed out “Victor you fucking idiot, you’re 54, you haven’t exercised enough and you go out and play two games of softball like we’re used to that shit?”

Why are you here? Go do dooce.com if you wanna read a spectacular blog. I hate her though. Get this, she started - I dunno, some 5-7 years ago… I saw her on Good Morning America.. Where I got idea for this stupid thing.. And she has now gotten enough viewers, advertisers not only for HER not to have to work - but now her hubby has quit his job and they survive off of it. Biotch only writes about every 3rd, 4th day - and here I am feeling guilty if I don’t say “howdy-doody” nightly… Victor, no one enjoys your bitching. Wrong. I do!

Maynard has a job interview tomorrow. Where he usedta work. I’ve crossed the index finger and the middle finger on each hand, wrapped them with athletic tape for good luck. Told Maynard I got hurt sliding into home Sunday. It's been a mo-fo typing this blog.

I want a dog again. If you have one, pet him/her for me.

I want a wife again. If you have one, pet her for me.

I wanna sell the house, take off a year, cavort about the Contiguous 48 in my Hot… Rod… Lincoln.. See Cooperstown.. NY City (just to drive thru).. Upstate NY… over to the 4 dead guys in granite… to the wilds of Montana, Idaho, Wyoming… down Highway 101... Back up to Utah.. Across the mountainous states…back down south to Texas… across to Florida… up to the Carolinas… West thru the Smokeys.. Swing by Graceland, Beale Street…. But first, I must find my own Soanya (remember? 55/23).. Hehe… Hell, who am I kidding, I’d be nodding off after 400 miles… Burma Shave…

This has absolutely nothing to do with that, but Chuck Shepherd’s News of the Weird reports:

“Among the recent discoveries of substances that provide similar virility outcomes as Viagra: the venom of a variety of black widow spider found in southern Chile”…. “The health drink Boost Plus”… brb, going to Piggly Wiggly… The winter-flowering heather plant (according to botanists at the Royal Botanic Gardens in Edinburgh, Scotland);.. And walnut extract (according to a researcher at University Malaya in Malaysia) (though one would need 7 pounds of walnuts to achieve the effect of one pill)… I do love nuts though..

Oh, and one more “Chuck diddy”… If you ever piss and moan about your day, the last few days… be glad ya ain’t Tony Hicks… He was hospitalized in Knoxville, Tenn., for separate wounds on July 1, 2 and 3; he was hit by a car one night, then released from the hospital the next day, but was back in after an intruder attacked him in his home, and after his release the next day, he was back after police shot him in connection with a robbery…. (Left thigh chimes in “Screw Tony, I STILL hurt.” - Wait till next year big boy when we play eight consecutive weeks!)….

Oh I wonder wonder wonder wonder who.. . Who wrote the book of love…- and does he have any idea how much consternation he’s caused…. I’ve wondered: What do woodchucks chuck?… Weebles wobble but how do they sleep?… Why is touching a ladder to a power line fatal when birds nap on them?…. Why do people that needta run don’t, and those that do don’t needta?… If we’re so GD advanced why do we now pay for TV and radio?

White flag, I know. Enough. Thanks for being here. You’ll never know what your being here means to me..

Another day, another dollar. Just waking up makes it a good day. Victor, you GD Pollyanna. Hey, the way I see it… it’s like the punk kid that says “hell, I don’t wanna live to be 80.” Ask him that when he’s 79 years, 364 days old.

Peace out, goodbye. May a bird shit on you. May your chewing gum lose it’s flavor on the bedpost tonight. (Still, pet your bedmate for me.) Love, Victurd.