“So, ‘Everything’s a Dollar‘. How much does this shit cost you?”
“I see you’re a sagger… Is it really true this fad started in prison.. And started becausea
easy access?”
“You’ve risen (even though you’re family) to the highest position of our family-owned company. 50+ employees. Way cool. Does it really… does it really not stink?”
“Hi. How are you? Please don’t take this the wrong way, but were you aware when you talk we can like hear you 7 cubicles away?”
“No. I don’t think either paper or plastic. Can I have cardboard?”
“Hi. Here’s the $5.39 for my Extra Value meal… and here’s a $10 bill to buy whatever that nice looking’ chicky behind me wants.”
“We’re sooo glad you’ve joined us on break. Not a sole has bitched about this place for 8 minutes, but again, we’re tickled, we know you’ll fill the bill.”
“That is the ugliest fucking baby I’ve ever seen. Do you really take him/her out in public?”
“You’re a spittin’ image of my 3rd wife.” Really? How many times you been married? “Twice,”
“Hi… smoking please… party of two… last name Starving.”
“Why do women always announce when they’re gonna go pee?”
In line at Piggly Wiggly: “Heya Joe… I ain’t seen you since you got outta prison!”
Stuff I’ve heard that I didn’t wanna……..
“Is it in?”
“You have the right to remain silent………..”
“Yes, Victor, I fooled around on you.”
Sitting at bar, next to an old high school chum I hadn’t seen in years - actually, since HS… . He didn’t recognize me, so, I re-introduced myself.. His only comment… “wow.” The fucker.
Excuse me sir… did you say ‘terminal’? “Yes, terminal.”
“Victor, how old are you?”.. Sir, I’m 54. “Well, I hate to tell you…but you’ve got cataracts… in both eyes.”
“We’ll do the good eye first.”
After almost two years of not seeing the doctor, and probably 7-8 months of no dating.. Doc says :”Ahm Victor, how’s your sex life? I mean, like are you Ok?”
“I’m just not ready for a relationship” so hasta la vista
“You’ll never quit smoking, and you’ll never show fortitude with your son” so hasta la vista.
“Life expectancy, for an alive 54 yr old = 76.”
Sum’bitch. I guess I’d better start living eh? It’s been real and it’s been fun, but I ain’t sure it’s been real fun… but it beats the dog poop outta you non-bloggin’ son-of-a-guns. So there!
May you have the fortitude to say the stuff you’ve always wanted to say, and the deaf ear to ignore the ugly stuff that’s said. Life, it is good. I’m personally planning on 22 more years of it.
Love, Victurd
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