That's the way - uh huh uh huh - I like it........

We've got 387 TV channels to choose from - and the only news channels we can get give us the real depressing crap... All of the below is stolen from 30 minutes of research on the web --- but wouldn't it be awesome to wakeup one day and hear breaking news such as..........

Hindu couple in Massachusetts suing another Hindu couple. Seems there was this arranged marriage - sight unseen.. and when the parents of the bride to be presented their daughter to the potential groom and his parents - they called the whole damn thing off after deeming the 'bride' to be 'too ugly'. Hehe..

Chicky in some state goes to get her marriage license at the Court House and she's arrested instead for two outstanding warrants...

Female passenger on US Air Flight 1494 is sued for sexual harassment after she got into an argument with a male flight attendant and grabbed his buttocks...

Police chief recapping a domestic dispute says "she grabbed a knife to protect herself from the aggressor - and she stabbed him in the winky."

Paul Herold was running for the City Council in Minneapolis-St. Paul - but - in the meantime he got a new job that would not allow him to devote sufficient time as a Councilman... thus.. he took out an ad in the newspaper stating "Vote for my opponent, please." Herold even offered to drive friends to the polls to vote for his competitors... Too bad, so sad - he finished second (outta three) and now he will face the incumbent in the November election. "I'd have to die or move outta the district to get my name off the ballot - and to do that, it'd cost the city $30,000 for a special election so I don't wanna do that." (Whatta refreshing change from the Talent-McCaskill mudslinging that's going on.) I'm Victurd, and I approve this blog.

Burglars in Toronto picky wrong house. Gentleman (martial arts expert) arrives home midnightish to find two thieves helping themselves inside his apartment.. Under gunpoint, the owner led onea the burglars outside with the promise "there's $1000 cash in my car." He then elbowed the dude in the groin, grabbed his gun and kung-fu'ed the crap outta the guy.

Long Beach California baby sitter - first day on the job - goes to the elementary school to pickup the five year old she's supposed to be watching. Oh shit. She loads up the wrong kid. Couple hours later mom and dad come home from work.. "Here's your kid." Ahm, nope. That ain't our kid. All ended well. Just as they flipped the TV on, here's this pic of the "missing" kid (now in their living room) and the correct kid waited at school for a couple of hours and the folks there called an uncle to come get him.

Mom forgot to logoff the computer, her three year old son (who loves cars) went to eBay and somehow purchased a Barbie pink Nisson Figaro for $18,000. Hehe.

PUMP... YOU UP... Mardin Armin was arrested at O'Hare Aiport in Chicago recently - after "I'ma lookin' for terrorist" screener thought she heard that the little black object in his carry on was a "bomb." All charges were later dropped in court however - as it was determined the guard misunderstood his accented English, and what he really said was "pump" - as in it was a penis pump.

Gotta listen to the groove
And you gotta listen well
The way you do it
That's the way I like it
Hey yeah

And that's the way it is. Love, Cronkturd.