Thursday, October 26, 2006

Meet Victurd Jetson......

I peeked - and this show premiered in 1962... I was somewhere in the "still playing with Army guys" stage of life - which is just one step prior to the "What? There are girls on earth?" stage...

I am a technological nerd - which I hope you read as ironic - because I couldn't tellya if it takes a Bunson Burner or a Bic lighter to burn a CD... I know AC/DC is a band - but I couldn't tell you a damn thing about direct or alternate current...

I'd love to fantasize and wakeup tomorrow as the new millennium George Jetson. First thing I'd do is FINALLY open up onea those GD envelopes that Capitol One sends every day - register for their 29% interest card, and purchase/launch Jane, Judy and Elroy into space for a ten year shuttle to wherever. I'd keep Rosie (the robot) - and rename my cats Astro 1 and Astro 2.

My house would be madeup of a series of slides and escalators... In the morning I'd wakeup - have this bigass remote control that controls anything/everything around the house... Built in I'd have this game - you know - like the claw vending machine.. and I'd scan and find the damn cats in the house... they're usually next to my fat bod in the waterbed in winter... and one by one I'd attempt to "claw 'em up" - tote 'em into the kitchen - and drop 'em somewhere near their food/water dish... press another button to pour their food/water - and be done with that crap for the day... (Rosie'll get the litter box clean later.)

Rosie would be my housemaid - which is kinda like a wife - but I'd make sure there was an on/off switch for her verbality - which, is really kinda like having selective hearing anyways.... I know what you kinksters out there are thinking about Rosie/me... You are SICK puppies... Ok dammit, maybe I would include those buttons too... hehe...

I'd take one slide to the bathtub - which of course has the water already drawn - temp perfect... slide to the next room which is setup like an auto car wash with these towel thingys that softly rotate and dry me off...

Escalator back to Bedroom... Let's see.. today I think I'll watch Cristi Paul's news.. Yesterday it was Kathleen Kennedy.. and tomorrow probably Linda Stouffer...

If they so happened to show a Jim Talent or Claire McCaskill commercial - I'd get out my "take THIS motherdubber" non-fatal-poison dart gun - aim for their torso - FIRE - and put 'em each in a deep sleep for approximately three and one-half years..

Ok, I agree... this is some real boring shit.. Not a good idea Victurd.. Yeah, it would be nice to click one's fingers and have whatever we want - but life just ain't like that... I've spent the last three weekends devoting time/attention/paint/stain/cleaning/sweat - yes REAL sweat - to a house that's been basically ignored since 6/30/01 <-- that's my version of 9-1-1.. when it all fell apart.. or when something parted (hehe) that wasn't sposedta... anyways, it felt good to actually do something productive... to not ignore.. to no longer be embarrassed should the doorbell ring.. oops, forgot, that motherbear stopped working in '93... shit.. should someone knock I meant...

I remember George always having a smile on his face... Yeah, that's my goal... Seems we learn a lot about how to live life by the demonstrations of how others do it... I ain't perfect - I know - but the older I get - the more it takes to get me bent outta shape about something... Don't getme wrong - I'll battle to the end on a belief - but events like that keep gettin' fewer and farther inbetween.

So... meet George Jetson (ooom-paahh-paah-ooom-pah).. He's gotta smile on his face... George is my idol 'causea that.. Anyone that continually wears a smile I simply adore... We choose how we make facial expressions.. I do solemnly swear, to attempt to smile like George 99.9% of the time into the future... even putting up with Mr. Spacely's crap.. unless of course I see or hear the word Talent or McCaskill again.

ooom-paahh-paah-ooom-pah..... Love, GeorgeTurd

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