Honesty day.....

Holidays are like clockwork any more... Family members, as we speak, are dialing/emailing loved ones about Turkey day plans... Little termites are concocting exactly what to wear out on 10/31... WalMart already has decked their aisles with balls of holly...

And... we got MLK Day, President's Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Columbus Day, Veteran's Day, bada bada bing...

I say - it's time for some new ones... Howabout "Honesty Day"... We could say whatever we want to whomever we want - and the next day things would simply be back to normal. I could go to work and use those John Cougar Mellencamp lyrics " Hey Diane lets run off behind a shady tree - dribble off those Bobby Brooks let me do what I please" and not get called into HR. Or, I could walkup to the little shrimp that useta be a Marine - the one that still walks around with an attitude - and say "you know what you little wimp... you're a little wimp"...

"Your clothes are always too tight... you ain't got the bod for it."... "How in the fuck did you get to be an officer here?"... "Would your husband mind if we went to lunch at the park and doinked?"...

HEY, what an idea... "Fool Around Day." We could have it be April 1 - and for one single day - you could fool around with anyone you wanted to - and April 2nd, all marriages/relationships would be back to normal... Thinka the anticipation...

Howabout "National Bitch Slap Day"... WHACK! Take that you little cocksucker... Just because you gotta position of prominence, you have no idea whatinthehell I do over here - and your trivial problem/plan/idea just doesn't cut the mustard with my agenda. WHACK!

I'd also like to see a "Pee anywhere you want" day... A "Clothing optional" day... A "Ya must do everything backwards" Day - you know, drive to work backwards, walk backwards... it would help us to more easily relate to less fortunate individuals..

Maybe a "Trading places with someone of a different Economic class" Day.. Hell yeah, I could do Briarcliff... and it'd be good for the rich to come live in my cruddy little abode to see how the other side does it... it'd be great for the classes...

For apathy, a "Nobody hasta do nothing" Day.. Stores would be closed.. 364 days of bullshit 'have to' crap.. I think it'd be nice...

A "No Cell Phones, No Internet" Day where we'd - once again - communicate wonderfully like we did back in the old days -- in person.. People could take walks or drives to visit with others...

And I think selfishly, we each should be entitled to one "It's MY day" Day.. you could say whatever you wanted to whomever you wanted... You'd have the powers of Samantha on Bewitched - so if you wanted to lock Gladys Kravats in her bedroom all day - you could. Cheeseburger? Just twinkle your nose. Hey it'd be funny if Ms. Goody Two Shoes pants would simply drop to the floor - Just twinkle your nose.. I'd like to see whatshername's car turn right when she turns the wheel left - Just twinkle your nose..

Hey you? Yeah you... What kinda Holiday would you create? I'm frankly tired of somea the old ones... We need new, creative ones...

Time to clock in... Fuck it... twinkle -twinkle... Love, Victurd....