I don’t consider myself knowledgeable on many subjects – but, I have unfortunately accumulated some experience on depression, guilt, being down and approaching the point of hopelessness… I try my damndest not to loiter in that mode – but there are occasions where no matter what I do to combat it, I temporarily reside there.
Last night I attended the visitation of a young man, 20 years of age, who took the permanent solution to a temporary problem and committed suicide. Logie had the mask of depression… outwardly happy, innards apparently combusting.
This young man didn’t have an enemy, and his face was always adorned with a smile. Logan was good friends with my son in their pre-teen years.. My all-time favorite Logan story was when he was around 6 – he was at our house swimming… Whilst he and ‘Maynard’ were drying off in the kitchen - we asked Logan if he was hungry… he looked at us quizzically, and without missing a beat, he ran to the telephone, called his mom and asked “Mom, have we eaten?”
I don’t understand suicide – but it’s touched the lives of two people I have loved very much. I’m not certain the point of writing today – other than to again point out – it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Always remember to love yourself first, and always remember you are loved by others. I hope you never have to witness the emptiness of a post-suicide family… and if you ever feel you are at the end of your rope, ready to give up – please know this “solution” merely compounds problems of the loved ones you leave behind.
I’m not mad at Logan, I only wish I knew he was struggling and I coulda thrown out the “I love you” words to him. We can only control our own behavior – and it’s my quest from here on out to let all the people I really care about know that I love them.
Love, Victor
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