QUICK!!!!! MY BIC!!!!

I was at lunch yesterday.. allofasudden, I really hadta go.. I looked in the stool and I was disgusted by the fact ALL THAT STUFF was insidea me whilst I read the paper and had my meatloaf… I wonder if the waitress had crap stored up insidea her whist she served me?

I wonder if Miss America contestants walk around with poop almost ready to eek out? George Bush? Sure, he’s fulla crap mosta the time… Howabout the plumber fixing the leak under the sink? Full to the brim? When you go thru the metal detector at the airport – can they tell how much poop you have in you?

Ever walk into a public bathroom, you hear “hello” come from the stall… you kinda under your breath say “hi” back.. then realize the bastard is on a cell phone? I have..

Back in the dinosaur days.. at our frat house.. Upstairs bathroom had two squatters... When someone took a dump and it was very lengthy, we had a sign and we'd label that throne "The King"... and it would stay unflushed until someone from the other pooper had one bigger... Yes, we were simpletons..

HEY HEY, LOOKY HERE RALPH! THAR'S A WHOLE GD KERNAL O' CORN.. THE HELL'S THAT HAPPEN, CAUS'N I'VE SEEN CHICKENSHIT.... Oh, and I eat sunflower seeds shell and all.. damn do I pay later...

This all got started ‘cause I really hadta run to the squatter the other morning before work.. I had a cig in hand.. and just as I sat down (WHEW, I made it) I dropped my damn Bic lighter in the stool… and uh huh.. I couldn’t stop.. (Don’t tell no one…. PLEASE?)

So… My Bic is floating amonst the turds… (Some turds float ‘cause they’re high in gas content.) Do I dare? I did have pliers in the bathroom… Should I? Would I cringe everytime I used it?

We have brown poop, yellow poop, black poop – and there’s even blue and green poop – all the benefit of crap we’ve ingested… The green from leafy stuff, and the blue from food coloring..(or so the crappy website said.).. Didya know poop is ¾ water? I didn’t either.. What a shitty fact to know.. The remainder, 1/3 is dead bacteria, 1/3 indegestible.. and… I hadta pee.. can’t remember what the other 1/3 is…

Ever been to the zoo and had the gorilla’s toss that shit atya? I have.. .Close your ears.. They eat it too… as do rabbits, rodents, etc.. I guess they need it to go thru two times to get proper digestion.. Yuck..

Ok, I’m at the rear end of this story. Eh, who gives a shit. Depends? Hehe... I really think I’ll go smoke a cig now.. Needa light? Love, VicTURD