Women drivers......

Ok, so I’m biased. Every working day, I traverse 30-some miles along local roads, Interstate, and s’more local roads to get to my friendly cubicle confines.

If it weren’t for my headliner falling down (oh, sorry… I hadn’t added that one to the checkenginelight being on/sometimes/mosta the time/whenever it wants, the RNDL (no P), the brake light stuck on, the AC out, the water leak [thus, heater on full blast in line at McDonalds - remember no AC], the bumper in front cracked in half [half missing], the key broken off in ignition, thus a screwdriver to start it [you might be a redneck if]).. Wherethehell was I? Oh yeah, if it weren’t for my headliner falling down, whenever I’m tailgated - I’d bet damn near a hundred dollars that it was a woman….. And damn near 90% of the time it is….

And….. Women talk on the phone and drive… oh sure, men do too, but do we need to do a study on the average length of time per phone call by men and women? Aha, gotya. (But Victor, you shave on the way to work) Shuddup and go back to your Memorial Day barbeque!

Blonde was driving down the road… weaving right…. weaving left… weaving right.. Weaving left… head bobbing to right… bobbing to left… perty soon, an officer pulled her over.. “Afternoon ma’am… do you realize you’re continually bobbing to the right, and then to the left, and so on?”… “YES officer… but the TREES.. The TREES!”… “Ahm, ma’am… your air freshener?” (Victor, that was bad.. And I think you’ve even told it before.).. Shuddup baked bean-breath…

So… they put on make up… they turn around to talk to whomever is in the backseat… they turn the rear view mirror to them so now it ain’t a rear view mirror it’s a “God you look gorgeous” mirror (And no idea who’s behind them..)

Speed limit? There’s a chick at work… Everytime I get in to go to lunch with her I aloud say “Our Father… who art in Heaven..”.. She drives like she just robbed a bank and she HAS to get away… 80 MPH weaving in and outta traffic… TURNING AROUND TO TALK TO BACKSEAT FOLKS… I’ve literally grabbed the wheel from the shotgun position on numerous times… (She’s hella younger and I’ve given her the daddy speech “damn girl, you needta slow down, use more caution… we want you around.”)

So….. That about sums up my opinion of women drivers…..

And then I saw.... Milka Duna…. Holy shit is she pretty… You know? She’ll be on TV today.. Or is that tomorrow?… the Indy 500... Such natural beauty.. And a wonderful driver…

Did I mention I’ve changed my stance? Happy left and right turns to you… Objects may be closer than they appear… Yield to the right of way.. Construction ahead.. (Ain’t life a continual construction zone?)… No driving on shoulder… Don’t cross solid white lines….

Buckle up….. Life’s a ride….. Love, Victurd.