Rubber Match........

I don’t know why I’m here at 54 years of age talking about condoms, but, there’s a lot about life I ain’t figured out yet..

Which leads me to the old joke “Do you know what is printed at the end when you unroll a rubber all the way?”… “I don’t either.” It’s living hell being burdened with the dreaded shortpeckeritis.

Somewhere… New Zealand I think… A grandma inspected her g-kid’s Happy Meal from Mickey D’s prior to him grabbing it.. Uh huh, found a rubber…. Not certain if it was a Big Mac… but I understand they’ve brought in Ronald and Mayor McCheese for “fingerprinting“… Seena lotta changes in my lifetime, but never did I think Happy Meal toys would come to this.

Orange County, CA. Massage parlor raid by cops has them finding signs touting “Hello customers… so we can keep costs down.. It is recommended you utilize plastic wrap versus the parlor providing condoms…” Ewww.. I’ll never look at a cooked chicken breast in the fridge the same way again.

True Story… as old man swapped clothes from washer to dryer at public laundromat in Liberty - an unrolled condom fell from the messa clothes to the floor infronta no less than twelve eyes. Another Eww.. GD Maynard (son). Lucky bastard.

Again New Zealand. Dunno why they’re so popular with condom stories, but they is… They’ve developed a liquid spray on condom. Nice. So, y’aint gotta worry about S, M, L, XL. Form fitted. I can just see it now though as some old drunken hoot emerges into the bedroom and is met with “GD-it Ralph.. Put the WD40 up and git urass in bed.”

Nudder true one… stolen from internet:

I was home from school on Christmas break last year and I had an intimate night with my girlfriend at my family's house. After finishing, I disposed of the used condom in a tissue and threw it in the wastebasket.

Unbeknownst to me, our dog got into the wastebasket the next day, proudly walked into the living room, and laid the used condom on the floor in front of my father and stepmother. It was as if he had retrieved a toy and expected them to throw it so that he could show off once more. But, instead, my father took a hard look at it and said to my stepmother, "Well at least I know he's practicing safe sex."

I had absolutely no idea that this had happened until recently when we were reliving embarrassing moments at a family party. My stepmother told the story, confident that I had known the entire time.

Needless to say, I turned bright red.

I realize this is a pretty lame blog… but some days are lame ya know? Sorry, I usually try to come up with a catchy phrase at the end of this reservoir, but for some reason it ain't coming today… Happy happy, love, Victurd