Between the ruts......

I think it was Wikipedia, or mebbe some damn psychology site that indicated Pollyanna types oft times have anxiety attacks.

I do NOT have anxiety attacks! What's wrong with everyone? CAN'T YOU TELL I'M A PEOPLE PERSON FOR CHRS' SAKES!

Yesterday - snow coming down in volumes. Why it was snowing so hard and visibility was so rotten - I think that had I had my pecker out (after I lose my 35 lbs and gain annuder inch) I don't think I coulda seen the end of it. I live 35 miles from where I work. This was 2:30pm, and I was set to be here until 5pm (or, six more inches... no dammit, not that.. .of snow)..

"Ahm Ms. HR lady?." Yes, how may I help you? "Please don't lookat the pee stain on my slacks... I REALLY ain't afraida drivin' in this crap... but could you mebbe tell me how many vacation hours I have left this year?" --> We have the "Use it or lose it" policy. "29 Hours? FuckinARay.. oops, I mean.. thanks Ms. HR lady"... SEEYA!

Hi co-workers.. ahm, I've got vacation left... and I think I'm gonna go ahead and scoot a little early to get to the gym... and... MU plays tonight.. gotta get warmed up to watch that. "Victor, you're having an anxiety attack about the roads aren't you?" Why HELL NO.. It's a cinch drivin' in this crap.. That fine hunka metal has over 200,000 miles on it - and proudly, many of 'em are incliment weather miles. "Uh huh, right... but whaddabout that pee stain." Screw you, I'm outta here.

Ok.. this parking lot is likea hockey rink.. I'm puttin' it in neutral.. Oh to have an H3EscaladeLincolnNavigatorHummerUV... whew... to the lot exit.. I figure only and hour and thirty minutes left.. I wonder if I'll be able to detach my fingers from the steering wheel by then..

OH SHIT - OH SHIT.. as I turned that corner - the back end kinda swirled out like "this is the road speaking - danger danger - warning warning - you ain't got any control at all on me - HA HA HA HA".... Fuck you road. I'm an excellent driver. And KMart sucks.

GOOD LORD.. WHERE ARE ALL THE FUCKIN' SNOWCLEANEROFFERS? I mean HOW could they let me down... surely they sharpen those damn plow blades all summer and can't WAIT until they can have 'em scrape the surface.. HOW COULD THEY BE LATE?

DAMMIT. This defroster sucks... Ice is forming on the upper left portion of the windshield... Not too worry, I'll just squirt this shit.. OMG, THAT wasn't prudent.... Our Father, who art in Heaven... WAIT, WAIT.. I STILL have a one inch by three inch portion WAAAAY down at the bottom I can still peek outta.. I SEE ROAD!!!!! YEAHHHHHH... WHEREARETHOSE FUCKIN'SNOWCLEANEROFFERS?

WTF are you staring at? YES, those are white knuckles.. CAN'T YOU SEE I'M WHITE? And NO, that's NOT a PEE STAIN!

Ok... I really ain't in no hurry.. I'm gonna slide off here.. I mean.. turn off here and clean the blades... windshield... OH SHIT.. a down ramp... COME ON YOU IDIOT - GOOOO!... I don't wanna buy your rear bumper... be gone now... HEY YOU BEHIND ME.. CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TAPPING MY BRAKES? I AIN'T SURE I CAN STOP THIS BAG-A BOLTS and THERE YOU WITHIN a millimeter of my ass... BACK IT OFF MISTER! ER, I MEAN LADY...

Whew... Hey.. this is a bad parta town.. surely I won't get jumped in this kinda weather will I? Used Tires $10? Oh shit, I just might get jumped.. To all of you sonofabitches laughing about my one purple glove and one black glove (with white snowflakes on it) SCREW YOU.. it's all I could find in the drawers at home.. Who the F worries about fashion in this kinda shit?

Wipers clean... ice scraped off... only 32 more miles to go... BRAKE LIGHTS.... NOOOOOOO... tap - release - tap - release - tap - release.. HEY FU! Don't look at me like "GET THE HELL OUTTA THE WAY OLD MAN, YOU GOTTA DO BETTER THAN 10 MPH HERE ON INTERSTATE".. Screw you.. and at least I ain't got my turnsignal on! Well, maybe I do have a baby pee stain - BUT I DON'T HAVE ANXIETY ISSUES!

OH NO.. OH NO... a short bridge.. air underneath.. that fucker's gotta be icey.. Damn I wish I'da listened more closely to those programmed prayers I heard at whatshername's Catholic Church.. I'ma thinkin' I could use one right about now... Ok, straight ahead.. I'm gonna close my eyes just for a baby second... Whew.. made it..

ICE? MORE ICE ON THE WINDSHIELD? I JUST CLEANED YOU OFF YOU SONOFABITCH... BRRRRR.. THAT's cold... HEY MISTER.. WTF ARE YOU LOOKING AT? HAVEN't YOU EVER SEEN SOMEONE DRIVE AND SCRAPE THEIR WINDSHIELD AT THE SAME TIME? and NO.. that's NOT A PEE STAIN!!!!

BACKOFF MISTER! One car length for every 10mph, so you should be AT LEAST ten feet awayfrom-me... If I tap my brakes, THEN WHATYA GONNA DO? you fuckin' semi's.. Just because you got ninety-four thousand poundsa traction - doesn't mean you can blow past me and throw ten pitchers of slush on my windshield.. and WHY THE HELL must you pull right infronta me after you do?

I'm sitting up alertly to be alert.. not causea' no damn panic attack.. My neck is taught because I've been going to the gym... I do NOT have anxiety attacks.. HEAR THAT?.. Only 29 miles to go...

OH NO - OH NO.. they aren't REALLY stopped at the bottom o' this hill are they? Tap-tap-tap - pray-pray-pray.. squirt-squirt-squirt.. THAT'S NOT PEE.. I SWEAR!.. don't fail me now brakes... don't fail me now defroster.. whew.. they're rolling.. I've almost made it...

MY GOD, I'd forgotten the Missouri River... I've gotta cross the river.. That's really not sweat under my knuckles... it's toasty in here.. ok.. approaching the bridge.. FUCK YOU - WHY DO YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT WHEN YOU PASS ME GOING TWENTY MPH FASTER? This bag-a-bolts has tons of miles on it.. I'm JUST being safe... and NO, that's NOT a pee stain...

I CAN'T SEE? WHERE'S THE ROAD.. OMG I'M SPINNING.. PLEASE DON'T HIT A BRIDGE SUPPORT.. PLEASE DON'T GO OVER THE RAIL.. THAT RIVER'S GOTTA BE COLD.. PLEASE MR. 18-WHEELER - DON'T TURN MY MID-SIZE INTO A COMPACT.. I'M GETTIN' DIZZY.. OH WHERE OH WHERE WILL THIS SPIN STOP..... HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!

hey... i recognize this place... ain't this the Ameristar? Oh yeah.. Life is again good.. I think it'd be prudent if I parked in their garage for a short and let the WHEREARETHOSE FUCKIN'SNOWCLEANEROFFERS clean off the snow for awhile.. Hi ma'am.. I'd like to buy in for fitty please... an NO.. THAT'S NOT A PEE STAIN.. and I DO NOT have anxiety attacks...

These fingernails are short because I work my hands to the bone. Honest. Please travel safely - and remember to pee if you gotta long drive coupled with shortened nerves... Love, Victurd.