I dunno what it is, but I've just never gotten along with librarians. The library represents everything I am not. Everything is in it's place, everything is timed and dated(I'm actually there now, and I see I have 43:29 left on this computer and then I think I'm mebbe ejected to the ceiling or something).. You HAVE to be quiet at the library, and no, you cannot have fun. None of the above is Victor.
Having 18 hrs and 57 minutes of 2006 vacation I had to burn - I found myself at home, with no internet - an addictive personality -- which includes the internet, this stupid blog, email, etc.
Soooo... I get in the checkenginelight (cuss at the fact there are probably three gallons of water from the radiator on the ground) and limp to the library.
"Hi... I haven't been here in awhile... here's my old card... and I wanted to see if I could use one of your computers."
She looked straight ahead - only briefly making eye contact... punched in some numbers... said "Oh, let me get you one of the new cards." YES, YES, I'M IN! I'M FREE!!...
I get my new card... excited, yet trying to hide that excitement for I don't think that's allowed either at the library... and I hear "Ohhh".. This time her eyeballs are firmly planted on mine - I swear to goodness she was a descendent of The Wicked Witch of the West - as she panned (in LOUD, unlibrarylike tone) "YOUR CARD IS BLOCKED, AND IT HAS BEEN SINCE APRIL OF 2004. YOU STILL HAVE TWO BOOKS OUT: ANGER BUSTING 101 and CONFRONTATION WITHOUT CONFLICT." Amid the laughter at me from a crowd of 4th graders at this one table and after feeling the glare of 22 adult eyeballs on the backa my neck - I wanted to crawl and hide in the book drop.
"THE ANGER BUSTING WAS FOR MY SON.. NOT ME.. I DON'T HAVE ANGER PROBLEMS.... AND I DON'T HAVE CONFRONTATION PROBLEMS" I wanted to say - but - in my wimpish Victor tone - I just turned redder, gulped, said "ok... I'll go try to find them" and limped back home. I felt like Ralphie going down the slide after Santa.
Ok, so I stretched the dollar amount a tad.. if I couldn't find the books, it was gonna be $29. This close after Christmas - that's a chunk for something that ain't really necessary.. So I even further tore the house apart trying to find the GD Anger Busting and the Confrontation books... Twas fun though - as I revisited old memories and pics... from days where it actually looked like I could really still run - and from when whatshername only slept with me. Hehe.
I lucked out today. I found 'em. And, as I placed the cutoff 2 by 4 behind my car tire at the library (remember, I ain't got Park.. it's life with RNDL, No P).. I PRAYED the Wicked Witch of the West wouldn't be the one to check me in - as the books were kinda frayed - and there's no dollar amount that hurts as much as the cutting looks she gave me last time.
WHEW. New guy, being trained by another lady. Seemingly nice. Didn't say anything about the condition of the books. No snide remarks about anger - and in the end I had to pay a whole $2. I guess it was fitty cents a book, per year, hehe. "Oh, I've never used your computers here... can you tell me how to do it?"
"Well... if you'll walk back that way... there's a big desk.. a lady there can help you." "K, thanks" (trying not to demonstrate excitement)...
Back to the desk, no less than 17 computers sitting unused. No lady. Then, allofasudden, I swore I heard "Well my little pretty, may I help you?" Uh huh, twas her. Ok, I now have seven minutes, 32 seconds left. I fear, if I don't get up before my time is up - I'll hear "I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!"
I hate libraries. Librarians hate me. May your Dewey have all the necessary Decimals. Love, Victurd.
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