Slip sliding away....

Ya know the nearer your destination the more your slip-sliding away... Freezing rain/slush yesterday afternoon - and there I was 35 miles from home.. Ahm, SEE-YA! I'm am the worst (best?) white-knuckled driver of alltime. By the time I finally reach wherever I'm going, the backa my neck is as hard as a 2 by 4. Chicken, but I get there.

Hey, I made in time to watch Oprah. I never get to see Oprah. Some dude on there about weight loss. To refresh, I started at 214.. was at 207.. ate whateverinthehell I wanted this past week - 208 at the gym last night. Anyways, goal now is 179 lbs. What? Ain't that a little extreme? Nah, not really. You see, Dr. Oz (the weight loss feller) says "if a man loses 35 lbs, he gains an inch of length to his penis." Hehe. I really probably oughta go for 70 lbs - but sadly I am a realist too...

Bush is in the Mid-East, another youth gunned down here in KC, fire in home for the disadvantaged... all makes me want to turn to weird news insteada the regular ole fill-in-the-blanks crappy stuff.

Oh yeah.. De Queen, AR: Feller arrested for trying to leave music shop with guitar stuffed down his pants. Hehe. Reminds me of the time my ex mother in law (at age 70+) was flagged down by employees at The Elvis Restaurant in Memphis for having their huge 'souvenir' menu stuffed down her pants.

In Boston a former stripper was placed on five years probation for mailing condoms filled with flammible material to various men.. "Tired of being mistreated by men all these years." Would that be considered tat for tit or tit for tat?

Say it ain't so Andy! Preacher in Mt. Airy, NC arrested for brandishing gun during his sermon. (Actually, charged with possession of a firearm by a felon.) "Looky here bitch, you're gonna tithe OR ELSE!"....

In Ohio, former HS principal brought to court on charges of kissing the feet of three male students. "The principal told authorities that the kissing was pay-up for a bet over a student-teacher volleyball game. He paid each student $15 and kissed their feet 50 times in the school's library and gym." It had absolutely nothing to do with the foot fetish material they found on computers from the dude's office. Hehe.

And from Chuck Shepherd's News of the Weird: Three successful election candidates (one for the Alaska school board, another for a Texas state House, and a North Carolina county soil and conservation board) all were elected into office - in spite of the fact they are dead.

In Des Moines, IA some 45 year old intoxicated chicky was arrested at the Big Tomato Pizza joint for boisterously complaining about why her food was taking so long to be ready. (An employee noted she hadn't ordered yet.)

Ok, thanks for the respite from the real world. Or, I guess it is the real world - just a lefthanded take. The lighter the better. Stay outta the ditches and in the gutter - or - sumpin' like that. Happy day, Victurd.