Ya know, I know my "wheels" are outta alignment.. I know I'm not living life down productive lane... Tis quite a switch to go from husband, father - to - life alone 'ceptin two cats... So.. I occasionally spoil myself..
OK, scratch that, I frequently spoil myself.. So what? If I wanta half slaba ribs by God, I'll have a half slaba ribs.. If I wanna buy a carton of cigs, I'm gonna... If I wanna yank $60 outta the ATM to play blackjack - here's my damn pin number... If I wanna have a cold one, play Motown on the juke box, dadgummit I'll order up a Miller Lite and play #1024 ("Ain't too proud to beg")...
And then it happened. Just after inserting my dollar into the juke - I reached for #1024 and this son-of-a-bitch I went to HS with grabs holda my belly and asks "so... when are you due?"... THAT DID IT. The onere asshole. Mebbe it was a shot I needed though...
He's right.. That belly rub told me "Victor you gotta calm down... eat better... cutback on the cigs.. save your 'frequenting' for a weekend night... manage your money better - ie - cutback on gambling."
"Hi, my name is Victor, I live here in Liberty.. and I'd like to buy an annual pass to this Community Center."... That's great Victor, please write me a check for $20, and then we'll withdraw $20 every month for the next twelve months outta your checking account.. oh, and the rate's going up firsta the year...
I didn't care... I had my sweats on... favorite MU shirt... as I whisked away from her desk - I was headed downstairs to the weight room with a vengence - a passion - I could damn near hear the Rocky song - and I wanted to shout out "YO ADRIAN" but I remember my cats names are Jackson and Figaro...
Standback whippersnapper - this is MY eliptical trainer... WOW - look at this old man's legs go! I'm on pace for a five minute mile... I can literally feel my lungs clearing up... Fitteen minutes - eh, that's good for tonight - and I never cutback on my pace.. YEAH!
Onto the weights.. oh.. first I'm gonna weigh... 214.. damn.. oh, but these sweats are real real thick, I bet at least three pounds.. and I wasn't gonna wear shorts - but I remembered I wanna do the sauna thing after - so there's another pound... and these clod-hoppers - they gotta be a pound apiece.. so mebbe it ain't as bad as it looks...
Move over son.. it's my turn on the bench press... YES, YES, YES... I wanted to scream out in my best Arnold "CAL-EEEE-FORRRRN-EYAAAA"... Screw "I'll be back" - honey I'M BACK. Curls for the biceps.. crunches to getta ridda my preggo looking belly...
Calves... triceps.. I was ona roll.. then I wenta work on my hammies... this one thingy where you lay down on your belly - butt all stickin' up in the air.. HA! Looky here you little pipsqeeks - I'm in the process of toning my way to the finest lookin' booty of any old AARP cardholder....
Around the circuit once... NO.. back again for more crunches... Come'on Betty - get the hell offa there.. it's MY turn.. Why, you've squirted out three kids anyways.. you ain't never gettin' that figure back.. hell, ifn's I were you I'd try that lipo dissolve thingy.. YES, YES, YES... over to the free weights... more curls... more tricep work.. AGAIN to the crunch machine.. and AGAIN...
The NEW me! I'm on my way... I feeeeeeeel great!... Mosta this sweat ain't from the sauna.. it's from me.. ohhhh baby does this feel good. I'm turning the corner - the wheels are rolling straight. I'm doing it - I'm doing it!
andthenIwenttotheCornerBar... hadthreebeers... smokedhalfapackacigs.. hadabagaNachoDoritos... andlost$5playingGoldenTBowling... played#1024"IKNOWyouwannaleavemebutIrefusetoletyougo"... ah whatthehell.. Rome wasn't built in a day. Happy day.. bye bye now.. Preggoturd.
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