Not your average country drive.....

I love "spins"... Even with the pricea fuel now being higher thana GD pound of ground beef - I still love spins. Ya getta see stuff you've never seen before... The eyeballs work like a camera - and since the goal is "to drive to nowhere" there's no stress.. no "hurry, we gotta be there by such-n-such time"... Spins rock.

THE SPIN OF A LIFETIME is the Road to Hana. Hana happens to be on the Keanae peninsula of Maui... No, I don't fart thru silk - but I did for many years usedta work for the airlines (United, Eastern, Braniff... and even US Air for a month or so) and a family of four could make the jaunt for under a hundred bucks.. Branson? Not no's but hells no's... Let's go to Hawaii... So we did.

Whatshername number one and I drove the road to Hana. It's a 52 mile uphill, hairpin turn after hairpin turn, bamboo jungles, more natural flowers than all the flowers Sam Walton owns nationwide, Eucalyptus groves - the ocean pounding away below - a waterfall cascading over lava rocks damn near every third turn -- ya just don't get this chance too many times in a lifetime. Your camera will feel like it's gonna explode - there is almost no way to paint a picture to describe it... Hell, George Harrison lived on Hana - he had enough money to live anywhere on the damn planet he wanted - but he chose there.

That first 'spin' was quite a few pounds ago. Hell I was sleek. Back then when I peeked in the mirror I was half as big turned sideways as I was facing it. Now, if it weren't for my ugly mug - it's the only way I know which way my torso is facing!

"Victor... you've talked about this road to Hana for a long time.. Yes, it sounds wonderful - and if it were just you and I - it'd be remarkable... but we have a two year old and an eleven year old with us... are you sure you want to undertake this?"
(Spin #2 to Hana)...

"Oh heck yeah.. kids will be ok... it'll be more than any damn lesson they could learn at school... Maynard won't know the difference between the Road to Hana and I-35, and Denton is old enough he'll simply enjoy the views..."

"I'm not so sure I want to try to navigate it." Hearing this, the wonderful stepson (and he truly IS), and ya can't blame, took his mom's side. Hell, I snuck in his life at age 5.. took attention away from him... I wasn't his dad... and "whointheheck are you to tell me what to do? I don't even know you." So, of course he chimed in - mimicked whatever whatshername said. Two against one for the spin. Being the hardheaded man I am... we were off...

"LOOK OVER THERE!!" as the mist from the waterfall softly drenched our car... "Victor - you're not watching the road.. one little error and we plunge thousands of feet down to smitherines" - "Ah.. I'm alright.. this is an easy drive."

The rental car was pointed 45 degrees uphill... the brakes were beginning to smell up a tad.. meeting a car could be hell.. especially if it was a local.. them sum'bitches have seen all the scenery scads of times.. "get outta my way" was the theme.

God's gardeners at work. Simply unbelievable. Whatshername's foot by now had damn near torn a hole thru the floorboard trying to hit "the other brake".. She was nearly in tears - which actually placed stepson in tears.. which of course, outdid Maynard so now he was in tears. All this wonderful, there-is-a-God scenery, gorgeous views from the bluff - and 75% of the car is crying. Holy shit. Scared mom was. Teamin' up - stepson was. Needing attention - Maynard was. All I wanted to do was take The Spin.

Hardhead versus 3 sobbers. Begging, pleading... I marched on.. Hoping, knowing it'd get better as the views, scenery SURELY would take hold. I think cuss words were starting to slip out between the "PLEASE TURN AROUND"s I was hearing. THIS IS HANA DAMMIT, WE'LL MAKE IT, COME HELL OR HIGH... plunge off the cliff!

Justabout the point I was considering trying to find a spot to turn around (the roads are narrow - meeting a car is scary - to say the least..) Maynard made the decision much, much easier as he decided this would be a wonderful time to demonstrate s'more o his projectile vomiting. Eww. 26 miles up the narrow, hairpin road we turned around. For 26 miles downhill, tempers nested quietly, sixed eyeballs glared at me saying "kill, kill, kill"... no one said a word, and 75% of us were drenched with puke.

I lost the vote. I pray one day I will make it back to try the spin again. If you don't have children (or perhaps don't have a wife) I strongly encourage the spin. I've never been to a prettier place in my life - and I doubt I ever will.

The other night I was at the laundry mat.. my appliances ain't worked since Clinton was in office.. it's an interesting place.. there was a mildly tarded lady.. two college kids.. and me.. The lady listened to the young men plan their future after college.. talking about this job... this goal... etc, etc... We each were listening...

After about an hour, she'd folded up all her goodies.. basket in arms she walked over to the lads.. spouted out "Don't ever have children." I damn near died laughing inside... As I finished up folding my crap - I thought about walking over and saying "and don't get married" but I didn't. Maybe some day the right situation will present itself to tackle the road to Hana again. Beats the hell outta Shoji Tabuchi.