Bed Bath & Beyond........

Sleeping habits. We're a bizarre sort. For whatever reason, I like being to the "almost falling off" point of the bed at night. It ain't nuttin' personal - it's just how I've always done it..

Can't sleep on ma back.. You?.. Gotta have a pillow to hug... and I'm usually sitiated (Victor, that ain't how you spell it)... GD pecanwafflebreath, that's how I INTENDED to spell it. Stick your Funk up your Wagnell. Ahem... usually sitiated where the eyeballs are turned toward the clock...

All them movies you see where folks are wrapped up like a pretzel to sleep - ya think that's possible? Oh I suppose we've all fallen asleep in spoon position - but then we wake up like silverware - all spread out - but next to one another.

For many years I was part of the "H" pattern of sleep. I was one of the uprights - as was whatshername - and Maynard was the crossbar... Shared ma bed with many a cat, Smokey any time he wanted, and Gabe only when the Doppler went crazy.

I've never heard myself snore so it just can't be possible that I do that. (Aye yai yai)....

I presently sleep between the Tigres and Euphrates.. Yes, friggin waterbed sprung a leak to the West... GD cats... and then to the East... I have exactly 23 inches with which to lay in or I'm drenched. I'll buy some glue/patches.... tomorrow.

Bath. I don't give a rats what people say.. I am a man.. I cry... and FU I love baths... How very relaxing they are... Me thinks we oughta have baths/bathtime at work because some of the very best thinking is done in the bathtub.. "Ahm, no.. Mr. Perkins will be back at his desk in twenty minutes or so.. he's taking a bath." Fuckin' A Ray - wouldn't that be the Bomb?

HOT, I like it damned hot - as bearable as the old bod can take it.. I want sunburn lookin' skin.. I wanna soap allover... I wanna lather all over... I wanna feel clean.. Stepson's pappy said "I abhore baths... you're simply bathing in your own dirt." He's almost as anal as you talkback. (My turn to say FU... FU). Ok, allowed, I earned it.

SHIT. Forgot the towel. Ever do that? It ain't bad from April thru September - but it does strange things to us men when we troop thru chilly weather nekkid. I gots shortpeckeritis to begin with so I HATE when that happens. Nubs. Stubs. Ya look in the mirror and think "my God, how do you grow so much during.. (HEY HEY, this is circulated amongst family - watch your circulation stories)... Yeah, sorry, I guess I wasn't being an upright fella there.. (egads, I give up)...

Boobies in the bathtub. (WHAT?).. Oh it's Ok Icantbelieveitsnotbutterbreath... Everyone knows I've seen a few pair of boobies in the bathtub.. I ain't namin' names, I ain't kissin' and a tellin'.. But.. from my birdseye view - when a chick lays on her back- the water kinda acts like a flotation device - and ifn's one ever wanted to know what they'd look like with them there breast implants - they could look in a mirror and see. Funny. We men shrink, but the chicks grow - or somehow defy gravity and them suckers just pop out all erect and everything. I could get me onea them newfangled dig-i-tal cameras and starts me a business... Paint up my cargo van with "I'll take your picture and it'll be what you'd look like with boobie implants." It'd be tough duty, but I thinks I could do it. (You are simply ridiculous, nuts.) FU talkback, how many women ya think stand infronta the mirror trying to raise their boobies up to see what they'd look like and then there's them damn fingers all in the way? Many.. I bet it'd sell. (Yes, and you probably wouldn't need a tripod) HEY, this is a family site.. remember? (Sorry, couldn't resist.. my apologies to Aunt Flo and Uncle Herkimer...)

Beyond. Me thinks if I type beyond this - it will be bed time for anyone still reading. So.. I will bid adieu... Have fun in your bed.. however you sleep and with whomever you sleep with.. Rub-a-dub-dub in your tub.. (take a mirror with you if you're a chicky. Trust me, them puppies float. CALL ME, I'll bring ma camera.. 816-555-1212)..

And let's all take a moment to reflect on the wonderful memories we have left from those no longer living in our lives.. I am who I am because of those gone before me.. Please allow Memorial Day to be a happy day.. Filled with good tidings from yesteryear... Love ya, bye bye now... Victor