I read the news today, oh boy.....

About a lucky man who made the grade...

Ok, lemme see what it says... Looks like Brittany's been Speared again...

I see the Missouri House of Representatives is trying to pass legislation where snotnoses could take online High School courses... Said a local teacher "Students who might be embarrassed to say things in class get over those barriers." WHAT? Ya think that's true about the internet? "Ahm, Victor?"... Yes Mr. Talkback?.. "You don't remember talking about your vasectomy, about the time you had to swim the butterfly and they told you to "flap your arms around and pretend like you were screwing?" Ok EggMcMuffinbreath, perhaps you're right - the internet does loosen inhibitions...

Woke up, fell out of bed,
dragged a comb across my head,
found my way downstairs and drank a cup,
and looking up I noticed I was late.

The latest diet? Feller walks from California to New York, begins the trip @ 410 lbs, ends at 310. Lemme see.. if I counted correctly, he crossed 11 states. K, that's Nine pounds lost per state. Whew, I'd only have to walk to Colorado - maybe the Eastern edge of Utah to reach my goal.

Found my coat and grabbed my head,
made the bus in second flat,
found my way upstairs and had a smoke,
and somebody spoke and I went into a dream

Dog bites man, Cleveland Indians beat Royals - NOT NEWS. Man bites dog, Royals beat Cleveland two games in a row - NEWS.

Forty-five percent of US children younger than 5 are minorities. By 2050, it's predicted the minority population and the current majority of non-Hispanic whites would each make up about half the total population. Utopic that would be, I think. Just the term 'minority' lends itself to being "teamed up against."

Nicole admits she still loves Tom - but I think it's probably a mission impossible... Tommy Morrison, remember him? The local fighter who was in onea the Rocky movies? HIV-positive, life kinda gone to hell. Well, he's admitted to living in Tulsa - having married Dawn (#1) but carousing with a Dawn (#2). He had the face of Dawn (#1) tattooed on his back (along with the words "Dawn you sexy bitch"... gee, mom must be so proud.) Anyways, Dawn #1 and Tommy have divorced. "I haven't seen her in six years.. I trampled on a good thing there... I'd like to have an opportunity to clear my chest with her." Ahm, Tom? Wouldn't that be 'clear your back?'

They've seen Dawn's face before,
Nobody was really sure if she was from the House of Lords

Horiscope says "you might be able to move mountains because of your creativity and high energy." That'd be fantastic. If I put the Rockies in Kansas, then I'd only have to walk one state to lose my desired weight.

I heard a news today, oh boy,
four thousand holes in Blackburn Lancashire,
and though the holes were rather small,
they had to count them all...

Stock market at second highest number ever, 11,639.. Bush's popularity at lowest number ever, 31% approval rating.... AOL laying off 1,300 workers. Brings a whole new meaning to "You've got mail."

Now they know how many holes it takes to fill Albert Hall. I'd love to turn...you... on..

That's the day (uh huh uh huh) I like it (uh huh uh huh). Your creativity challenge for the day: Find a whole new hiding place to put that booger... or mebbe the little spick of earwax from the tip of your little finger. Happy day, bye bye now.