Today’s topic is……..

Sorry. I ain’t got one.

Victor, tell ‘em about the time you went up the courthouse steps in a jeep? Ahm, no. No thanks. At 19, that mighta gotta few raves, I believe that might be to the contrary here.

What about the time you took your first business trip.. Flew to, wherewasit? ? Ok City? And you couldn’t rent a car for sale’s calls because your credit card payment was late?.. No. They’ve heard that one.

Whadda ‘bout the time you coached the women’s college basketball team.. You had “Odd” numbers for the road, and “Even” numbers for home games.. And your manager filled out the scorebook just the opposite.. You started the game with 5 technical fouls for “illegal player(s)”.. Ahm, I believe I’ve told that too…

Have you told about the time you worked for the airlines, and you/family flew to Orlando for Disney/et al, and when your suitcases came up the belt.. they were all labeled (IN BIG LETTERS thanks to airline co-workers) “VIC “LAST NAME“, PRESIDENT, KANSAS CITY GAY LIBERATION SOCIETY”… I believe that one’s here somewhere as well.

How bout the time you had to poop, REALLY REALLY bad, you were at the City Park RUNNING FOR THE BATHROOM AND………. (((((((((((((((STOP!!!!))))))))))))))) Some things are just better off left private.

Did u tell the one about, when you were a Senior in HS, your folks were going outta town.. (Father was a book salesman.. Many accounts.. One of which was KU which, surprisingly Lisa, had a Gay section in their bookstore)… And… Your father knew you’d throw a party.. So he took onea the gay books, opened it, signed “To Victor, with Love, John Whomever the Author was” and left it on desk for your cronies to find that night.. YES YES, told that one.

Could you replay the one about Oscar the raccoon in the trash can when you worked at Sooooooper 8 and he attacked you? No. Can’t.

How bout the time you were in Cargo Sale’s for Braniff… Hosting a Golf Tournament for Customers.. Top prizes: Trips for two anywhere Braniff flies.. And you got beeped on the 7th hole.. “Vic, they’re pulling all the planes into Orlando.. We’re going belly up”… No, they’ve heard that.

Howabout, when you had your hydrocele (enlarged testicle, a valve leaked, correctible thru surgery..).. You’d gotten divorced.. You figured “I’d better get this fixed rather than embarrassingly explain.”:.. and.. When you woke up in Recovery, the attendant WAS THE VERY FIRST PERSON YOU’D GONE OUT WITH AFTER WHATSHERNAME!.. That’s on here too someone. Intrigue me, this is all boring repetitive.

Whatabout the time you and ex numero uno went skiing the very first time, and on the first ride up the slope, she dropped $32 worth of a pair of $64 mittens on an X-RATED SLOPE. Boring, they’ve seen.

Did you tell them about when, in High School, you and your buddies usedta go the the Drive In to see X-rated movies, and you’d duck down so no one would see you? WILL YOU SHUDDUP!

Do they know about the Peekapoo that had gotten hit by a car.. U nursed it back to health for like 12 weeks in a ‘box’ in the basement… but… years later, you realized it couldn’t swim.. And when you got your first house with a pool, and you had cronies over, you’d have (brief) demonstrations? I think that’s here somewhere.

Do they know how many women you’ve REALLY loved? No. Do they know how many women you’ve slept ((((((STOP))))))…

Do they know how many jobs you’ve had, cars you’ve had, houses you’ve lived in (((((((STOP!!!))))))….

Victor, you’re not very private are you. You’ve even told stories of your privates. Yes, have, I reckon. But they were short stories. Novel idea eh?

Tomorrow I turn 56. I was delivered in St. Louie, MO by a female physician, but I probably already told u that. I feel bizarre. Like my life’s a window, and you know what color/type of undies I wear. That’s ok. I’m glad, IF there’s any one here, that you are.

I’ll try my damdest to be creative as tomorrow comes… I just couldn’t thinka shit tonight. Thanks for being here. Happy Columbus Day. Love, Victurd