Whatsup Chuck?

Completely reprinted (hopefully for some fun) from Chuck Shepherd's News of the Weird..

I tried to go thru the entire year to capsulize - but only July thru December's articles were available... If you ever get a chance, visit his site... FUN! (And bizarre.)...

Among the more tame dealybobs from the year 2007:

In May, a woman in Jacksonville, Ill., reported the theft of a bong from her house; she told police that she valued it because it belonged to her son, who is in prison, and it is all she had to remember him by.

A 54-year-old man was killed while running to catch his bus in Greater Manchester, England, in May; he accidentally ran smack into a lamppost and fell into the street, where the bus ran over him.

Gimme a brake….
(S’more) “Elderly drivers' recent lapses of concentration, stepping on the gas instead of the brake:

An East Meadow, N.Y., man, 91, crashed into his wife.

A Shiloh, Ill., woman, 84, drove into the cafeteria of Shiloh Elementary School, hitting one girl.

An Eastbourne, England, man, 80, crashed into the lobby of Eastbourne General Hospital, coming to visit his wife.

An 84-year-old woman, playing golf with another woman, accidentally ran her down in her golf cart, Medford, Ore.

East Dublin, Ga. (in July), and Athens, Texas (in August), sponsored their own versions of Redneck Games, with events such as mud-pit belly-flopping, seed-spitting and making armpit music (Georgia), as well as (in Texas) "red-neck horseshoes" (played with toilet seats), a Spam-and-jalapeno-eating contest, a mattress chuck, men bobbing for raw animal parts in tomato paste, and the ever-popular coed butt crack contest. Wrote the San Antonio Express-News: "There was something strangely arresting about watching 10 serious-faced guys grind away at pink bricks of Spam while Steppenwolf's 'Born to Be Wild' boomed from the loudspeakers."

Verle Dills, 60, was arrested in Sioux Falls, S.D., in July after police found numerous homemade videos of Dills having sex in public with "traffic signs."

Names in the News

(Tucson, Ariz., June). Discouraged by school officials from attending a Catholic school because of his name, the 5-year-old Max Hell

Arrested on more than 30 counts of child pornography facilitated by peering through bedroom windows, Mr. Jeffrey Ogle (Vallejo, Calif., August).

Arrested for stealing three rolls of toilet paper from a courthouse, Ms. Suzanne Marie Butts (Marshalltown, Iowa, June).


In Cary, N.C., a woman gave birth to twins early in the morning of Nov. 4, one at 1:32 a.m. and the other 34 minutes later, at 1:06 a.m. (after Daylight-Saving Time ended).

Gramps! In November, a 77-year-old man in Jacksonville, Fla., intending to help his daughter by riding his bicycle to Long Branch Elementary School to pick up her 4-year-old son (his grandson), arrived back home with a kid on the bike but did not realize that he had picked up the wrong boy. Said the picked-up kid's frantic mother, "(The two boys) don't even look alike."

Recent Alarming Headlines: (1) "Policeman Shot in Butt With Own Gun While Battling Porn Vending Machine Bandits" (2) "Man Shoots Goat After Wife Wouldn't Bring Him Beer"

That’s just wong: Mr. Sandy Wong, 45, was sentenced in November in Edmonton, Alberta, to 90 days in jail for three counts of indecent exposure, including masturbating with his pants down while sitting on the roof of a BMW at a local agriculture fair. According to a psychiatrist, Wong said he is sexually attracted to the BMW's roof because "it's curved like a woman's body," but he also has been aroused by a 1967 Camaro, a 1965 Chevy Bel Air, a 2005 MiniCooper and a 1991 Buick Century.

Least Competent Criminals
Failed to Master the Art of the Getaway: (1) Robert Hickey Jr., running from a Hamilton County (Tenn.) sheriff's deputy in October, dashed into nearby woods, fell into a well and had to be rescued. [Chattanoogan, 10-30-07] (2) Rudy Aguas, 25, running from a Reno, Nev., police officer in November after a failed carjacking, ducked into a building but got stuck in a freshly poured concrete floor. [KOVR-TV (Sacramento), 11-23-07] (3) A suspect in car break-ins, running from Miccosukee Indian Reservation police near Miami in November, dove into a retention pond but apparently failed to notice a "Live Alligator" sign, and was killed by "Poncho," a gator well-known to locals. [WPLG-TV (Miami), 11-13-07]

Seeya in a year... Love, Victurd