“System Message”… if you don’t do just as I say to the Registry, I will take your firstborn, and I promise your car will get only 6 miles per gallon. Please press “Ok” or “No”.
“Server Busy”.. Please press “Switch to” or “Retry”….
“Adserver.com” Please buy our shit. I know you didn’t order our shit, or enter our www-thingy, we don’t care, we’re here, we’re as invasive as a telemarketer- but ‘ha ha’ you can’t hangup on us, we’ve infiltered in your system, and we know you’re a dumbass and have no idea how to find malware remover… better yet… we seen ya get online with your bank, HA HA HA, we know ya ain’t got the money to purchase a good malware remover (or a cell phone, or a new car, etc.etc.)
ANTS!… GD Ants!… Look at ‘em… there’s a lunch line from the patio door straight to the trash can! Sonsabitches, how’d they get in?
ACHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO….. Oh man, allergies.. There’s pollen shit in the air… I can’t take it…. Sniff, sniff - wipe -wipe on sleeve… Why did God create that stuff?………………
HEY!!!!!!!!! What’s that red spot above my hand?… Uh oh, I remember weeding the front flower bed last week… Shit… (Four days later).. “Doc, hi, it’s Vic… I think I got inta some bad shit ‘cause only 20% of my skin looks the way it usedta… what IS the purpose of poison ivy?”
There is a freaking raccoon staring at me from the attic. He don’t pay the mortgage, I do. This ain’t no labor and delivery ward for critters… Git urass out. Uh huh, sure. Like we can make our bodies ½ as big to crawl thru spaces… you patch it up, we’ll get thru it again.. Ahhhhh, this insulation sure is warm to lay in in the winter… oh… and the plastic on your phone cord? YUMMY!
“FREE MACY’S $500 CARD.” Oh hell yeah, where do I sign up? You just did you idiot, when you opened me. We’ve got your password now… Oh.. And you’ll be receiving on average 75 emails a day in your REGULAR (not junk) inbox from finer educational institutions, travel and tourism junkets, el cheapo prescription sellers, all kinds of good shit for you to search thru…
“Download this free ringtone.” I don’t have a cell phone. Too late now sucker. We know your IP address, we’re selling it for X-amounta dollars to all these thirsty low end, backdoor dot-coms, and you now have cyber herpes forever and ever.
I hate it. I’ve had all I can takes and I can’t takes no more. I’ve completely wiped out my hard-drive (on purpose) three times in the last month to get ridda this crap. I’ve fed the ants this poison crap that they festively encircle as if Jim Jones himself was there in the middle preaching. They eventually come back, and we do it again. I spent $14.99 on poison ivy killer insteada going to eat at the new Texas Roadhouse in town.. Additionally, I figured what the hey.. I ain’t contributing to my 401K any more, I’m buying stock in Benadryl instead…
There’s so many GD space invaders out there, I’m scared shitless to even attempt to get laid. Lord knows my pee pee would prolly fall off in less than ten days. Every time I start my computer - I’ve got curse words readied on the tippa ma tongue.
About all I know about IT is that it comes after SH. I don’t know malware from spy ware from Trojans.. I can pop them three Restore CD’s in and jualah, they’re (the space invaders) are gone. It’s a pain in the ying yang.. And I ain’t a real patient person.
For the moment. I’m clean. The raccoons completely wiped out my phone service and moved on. The frost (and the $14.99 spray) took carea the ivy. Ain’t seen the ants in over three months.. Yahoo toolbar, for the short term, is keeping pop ups away. And I’ve rearranged all the letters/numbers in my passwords for MSN, Yahoo, MySpace, Singles.net, Voyeurweb (oops, never mind)…..
For the moment, I’m clean. Invasive is just that. In advance, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank your for allowing me to whine. Feel much better now. Brb. Going to make a sandwich.
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DAMMIT… I KNOW I JUST BOUGHT THIS LOAF? THE HELL’D THE MOLD COME FROM? Love, Victurd.
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