Slip slidin’ away…

Inclement weather….

We’ve talked about all kindsa stuff that likens life… The roller coaster… The half full/half empty glass.. Down times… up times.. Friends/relatives that pump/lift us up… curmudgeons that take us down, deflate us.... Stuff we deal with in the flow of life…

Howabout inclement weather?

If you stayed awake during “Checkenginelight 101” you’ll remember, the fugger started with a screwdriver, the heat had to be on 12 months a year ‘cause it had a baby water leak, there was no “P”… only “RNDL” - so, I couldn’t date no woman livin’ ona hill… I had halfa front bumper…The “checkenginelight came on, went off, came on… the brake light ultimately came on.. The headliner was falling down… etc, etc, etc….

It was… an experience to just take a ride… it’s amazing I EVER even had a date. (Kathie, please either take a bow or post your email addy so all can email “WHAT were you thinking?””)

So tonight… I left work 20 minutes early ‘cause I’m a nervous sonofagun… We had maybe 2-3 inches of snow… Slushy crap in the morning, followed by freezing rain/snow - u know, the kinda stuff you actually HEAR as it comes down…

So I geared up… “Mary, you care if I take off 20 minutes early?”… No.. that’s fine.. wussy… (I loved that!)….

I started the Hot… Rod… Lincoln… (with the super-special cassette tape player) five minutes before takeoff….

I finally get in the car… I feel likes an airline pilot ready to set my course.. (Which is fancy for “I’m presently too GD (gosh darn) poor, no car insurance, PLEASE keep this muther ‘tween the ditches.”).. “Tower One this is Lincoln ‘95 prepared for takeoff.. Gonna use runway 71 to 435.. Over”…

We have two exits out at work. One somewhat downhill, one level. The level one is the “in only”… but “Captain Schultze” has deemed ‘fuck ‘em’ - I wanna be safe…

Whew. Outta the parking lot.. “Hey Vic, I heard once you get to the Interstate, all is good.. It’s the side roads where everyone is having problems.”

Gee thanks Dean. All’s cool with me, and it’s OK ‘cause I gotta nuther paira clean undies at home in the sock drawer… (I hide ‘em from Maynard there… there’s just something about “sharing” undies I ain’t into.)

So………….. I’ve gots me this Hot…… Rod…. Lincoln… (the 1995 model with THE BEST
Friggin’ cassette tape player u ever seen…)

For weeks, I’ve bemoaned the fact it’s taken me $11-$12 (as friggin’ gas fluctuates) to make it
to/fro work, when $8 actually cut it in checkenginelight….

NOW.. I’m glad I’m in, basically, an armored vehicle, 8 cylinder, 642 triple overhead cam
engine… . Heavy. No slip sliding for me. All I had with the ‘93 Taurus was a little electronic
place where ‘checkenginelight” either lit up, or it didn’t.

Upgrading to the Hot…. Rod…. Lincoln… I’ve now got this digital display that completely
analyzes everything and flashes messages like “low windshield washer fluid”… “check ride
control”… ‘Driver’s door ajar”… and even “wow, you’re a horny sonofabitch, you need to get
laid soon.” I love my Lincoln. It really knows me…

Sooooooooooooooooo… I have no idea about the “door ajar” thing because everything is
tight/sealed…. The ‘ride control’ is cool, so no worry about the ride… A little bit ago, I
FILLED the windshield washer fluid thingy.. The light went off.. And down the road I went.

So, white knuckles, I’m now on Interstate. Here comes, passing me, a 53’ Crete Carrier
\truck.. You sonofabitch… and soon… a double-van Roadway semi.. GD it.. You
sonofabitch… and the wipers washed the spray away…

Inclement weather… How do we deal with it? HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY wait. This
is like LIFE!… The ups, the downs, the “I can’t see shit”s, to “Oh sumbitch.. I hope like hell if I
tap-tap-tap my brakes, I don’t buu-fuu that Ford Focus..”

So…. In keeping with my “I can’t win for losing” checkenginelight kinda thing - I noticed..
since I’d filled up the “low windshield washer fluid” thingy… I’ll be gosh darn if the passenger’s
side didn’t spray like a sonofagun (u know, like a dude peeing with an early morning boner) and
the left side… dribbled outta the ‘eyelet’ thingy.. The little dribble went about 3 inches.. And
the windshield is like 9 inches from the eyelet… so… basically, useless…

So there I was… the passenger side wiper/spray thing managed to clear off the very mid-center
right of the windshield… and this is how I traversed 34 miles down the road… peeking thru the
clear spot… flipping off (after they were way past me) the sumbitches that were giving me dirty
looks for doing 50 in a 65 MPH zone.

One car length for every 10 MPH. That’s the way life is sposedta go. I take 3-4 car lengths.
Decrease your speed by 10% in inclement weather… I’m at 30%… Plan ahead, have
candles, have cell phone charged, layer your clothing, let someone know when you leave, keep
radio/noise at minimal level so you can concentrate… no jackrabbit starts.. Anticipate danger..
If u go in a skid, DON’T PANIC!… watch for others…

And then it hit me… driving in inclement weather is JUST LIKE going thru life… slow down in
times of trouble… prepare yourself… watch out for the other guy… try to plan ahead…
DON’T PANIC!!!… anticipate potential danger… Go easy on starts, turns and stops.

We sooooooooooooo take for granted the days off where we don’t haveta get out there… We sooooooooooooooo take for granted all the perfect conditions where we set the cruise - and simply get from here to there with no problem..

It’s when the “shit happens” we turn all attention to everything… Inclement weather… Family problems… Work problems… Money problems… “How am I ever gonna be able to ____ (whatever it is you/I need to do.)

I’m now home. It’s 68 degrees here. I’m in regular clothes.. (yes, blankie thrown over lap)… but… point is.. I made it…

We make it.. We make it in inclement weather… We make it when tears are at the forefront.. We make it just when we wanna turn to the Lord and say “Oh Dear God… WHY ME?”…..

We do.. There isn’t anything presented upon us we can’t make it thru…. Sure, we may slip and slide.. .we may have a minor fender bender… we may rear end someone because we didn’t tap-tap-tap… but we make it..

Slip sliding away, slip sliding away
You know the nearer your destination, the more you slip sliding away

Whoah God only knows, God makes his plan
The informations unavailable to the mortal man
Were workin our jobs, collect our pay
Believe were gliding down the highway, when in fact were slip sliding away

Layer up… slow down.. Tap-tap-tap… havea full tank… let others know where/how you are… relax, if u can… go slow… make it… …………… thru life……. I know u can…..

I am… Love, Victurd