What goes around comes around….

A friend recently emailed “I wanted to yell at you for trying to take over my position as the most self-deprecating person on the planet”…

And I spose that’s true… I guess without intent, at least consciously, I try to come across as “downity” - which is I guess contrary to “uppity.” People somehow seem at ease in these situations - and I think/hope it speaks to “please, I’m nice, I like you - and I’d enjoy your like in return.”

I have had several over the years tell me they despise “downity”, self deprecation - and that I should ‘shape up’. Choosing to react like a teenager who’s been told “don’t have sex… don’t drive the car out of town… don’t hang out with so-and-so” - I had sex, drove to the Plaza, lazed in Robert’s basement - and continued to be downity…

A lot of it comes naturally… like this GD blog. Checkenginelight reeked of downity. So I wrote about it. And in writing, I’ve noticed sometimes life, specifically in my case, resembles checkenginlight, downity, natural self-deprecation.

When I got the Hot…. Rod….. Lincoln.. - it was a feeling like I’d been treading water forever and a day, and finally I was able to pull myself outta the water - get up on the high dive, pound my chest and give it my best Tarzan impersonation. (That’s dating you Victor.) See? You self-deprecating bastard!

Sooooooooooooooo… in due time, the Hot…. Rod…. Lincoln had 12 empty McDonald’s sacks, 7 or so cigarette butts, 8 to 10 articles of clothing, an empty box, 6 days worth of mail, two empty quarts of oil, an electric shaver, hairbrush and…………..WAIT!.. Victor, you’re doing it again.. For criminy sakes can’t you keep up? Get wit the program. STAY on that high dive.

So I cleaned it. Even bought, close your ears, Armorall. Went with my buddy Kendra to a high school football game. It’s been reasonably clean since.

On the low dive now… I invited friends to lunch the other day, as in “I’ll drive.” Was shortly followed though by the tongue mostly outta cheek remark “but…. I don’t have car insurance, so, if we’re involved in an accident, you can’t sue me.” Downity. DAMMIT VICTOR!

“Is it clean?” GD! I reckon I earned it. It’s kinda like I told the bastards recently in my own written review at work (when asked for ‘potential areas of improvement’) “I know people look at my desk and smirk… Truthfully, I don’t really care… I know where each and everything is on my desk… but yes, I suppose this is an area I can improve upon.”

So we drove to lunch.. “Terry, you’ll have to unlock that door as soon as it locks because if you don’t, the door will swing open and you’ll land in the middlea Blue Ridge Boulevard. Click.

Jennifer, can you hand me that squirt bottle right there? I proceeded to roll my window down and spray the blue stuff on my windshield so I could see because the GD left side squirter is impotent. Downity. The ‘new’ Checkenginelight Hot… Rod… Lincoln.. Oh, and the “coolant low” light is stuck on, the driver’s side window now will not stay down (making for bunches of fun for the snotnoses at the drive up window at McDonalds.)

Sooooo, this (squirting the blue from my bottle) brought a chorus of laughs from the riders… but we could now see.. And were on our way.. A good lunch, nice camaraderie.. And back to the grind..

The goes around comes around part…

Not long ago I related a story about an evening ride last summer… I’ll bore you with it again:

“A peaceful, easy feeling... Nice... No extravagance... Nothing outta the ordinary... oh, unless you wanna count Bashie.. (Sebastion, the hound)... Bashie likes convertible rides.. he plants one (or both) paws atop the door frame.. and catches the breeze.. allofasudden there's hella yelping, like a bumble bee had just feasted on his nads... and continued yelping... hideous.. LOUD, very LOUD.. well, twas determined Bashie was rolling up the window with his back paw - his neck was now stuck between the raising window and the window/door frame... Pretty certain his paw was still attempting to raise the window (thus even higher pitched yelping) and thus, smashing him between the window and the frame... Once it was figured out what was wrong, and then determined he wasn't destined to life with a split personality (See.. and Bastion), it made for a pretty decent laugh…”

I truly thought I was gonna pee in my pants a bit…

So I’m driving home in that crappy ice/snow/rain mix the other day… whittled down some fingernails enroute.. Said my prayers/thanks for the warmth of the Hot…. Rod… Lincoln heater… Continually had wipers on and off (remember, I almost haveta sit in the middle to see because of impotent left side windshield washer spray thing broken.. And finally I pulled into Liberty..

The haze on the windshield reminded me of the day that sonofabitchin’ eye doctor looked me over for 24 minutes before exclaiming “Victor, how old are your?”… Cataracts… Everything was blurry… My windshield had cataracts…

So, I pull in the Piggly Wiggly parking lot. Get out my trusty bottlea blue crap.. Roll the window down.. Spray, spray, spray… Ahm, Victor… did you forget the window won’t stay down? Yes. Yes I did forget that. allofasudden there's hella yelping, like a bumble bee had just feasted on my nads... and continued yelping... hideous.. LOUD, very LOUD.. It was truly one of those moments where I didn’t know whether to cry, or pee a bit in my pants from laughter.

Bashie, you win. What goes around came around. Checkenginelight. Downity. Self deprecation. (Self decapitation damn near.)

Like Grandma in Parenthood… I like the roller coaster… Treading water.. The high dive… the low dive.. Laying beside the pool staring at wonderful derrieres.. Up/Down..ity.. Such is life.

Don’t have premarital sex… Don’t drive the car outta town… Stay away from so-and-so… and never stick a valued limb of life out your car window if the windows are electric.

Peace out. Love, Victurd.