Ice is nice………

It’s really not, but, why throw a downer on a natural phenomenon…

I think we musta had a doozy back in the early 70’s - because I will never forget this fella I admired, (I was a Freshman, he was a Senior) looked out and stated “the ice on the trees… so beautiful to look at… reminds me of a woman.. Glorious.. But then it’ll break your back.”

Now that I’ve pissed off the vast majority who swing by here…. Now whadda I do?

Actually, ice storms CAN BE kinda cool… They force us, thru loss of power, heat, a way to work - to be inventive… They force us to spend oodles of time with another - for whom we normally spend a maximum of seven hours a day with anyways… (Get out ur calculator.. That was based on an 8 hour job… 1 hour of commuting… and 8 hours of sleep.)

I’ll never forget the last major ice storm to hit my folks house… They were lucky.. They had a fireplace… It was their source of heat, their stove, their light, and their gathering spot.

To be frank.. They were rather festive.. Assbackwards survival… A thankfulness for all we take for granted… Hot dogs were roasted… Coffee was somehow heated/made from hanging it on the damper chain… They even did popcorn… Inventive.. From the Depression.. It was a roll back into yesteryear…

We seem to enjoy outta the ordinary - be it a trip to the beach… a drive to nowhere we’ve ever seen like it… the titillation of a really really special sporting event…. Getting caught in the rain and that accompanying feel good/feel miserable mix that goes along with it…

Dumbasses (doing my best Foghorn Longhorn impression) I SAY DUMBASSES that “here we are in December… outta sick leave… outta vacation… still got bills comin’.. and faced with the option of driving on a hockey rink - or, not getting paid.”

Me, I'll be just fine and dandy, Lord it's like a hard candy Christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow, but still I won't let sorrow bring me way down… (Thanks Dolly… I hear it gets pretty icy up in the Smokies…)

I do remember… back in my “don’t worry honey, I can do this.. I’ll be just fine” days - going to the store (cause we were unprepared) to buy candles, long johns, food, pet food, batteries for the radio, a flashlight, a wind up clock, manual can opener, etc..

Kathie, and sorry to keep bringing your name up - but YOU were the one that reminded me “You’re an old sumbitch… as in… you repeat yourself.”… So, to that I say “I ain’t got the friggin’ time to search checkenginelight to see if I’ve told this one before.. So here goes…….

As I was on my way, in the ice storm to get candles, long johns, food, pet food, batteries for the radio, a flashlight, a wind up clock, manual can opener, etc - I rounded this downhill curve in my 1991 Mercury Tracer (which, for what it’s worth.. I THOUGHT was my first brand new Made-In-America car… turns out the sumbitch was made in Mexico City).. Where was I?… oh yeah… downhill, rounding corner..

I have a curve - and if I went straight, as in what could happen if I suddenly braked (insteada following the road back to the left) I’d land in a pond. A large one. When there’s ice on the road, and u see a pond, one can bet the temp in the pond is a good bit under 32 degrees.

So up walks this Canadian (goose, geese, whichever)… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO you blind bastard! Don’t you know the conditions? Don’t you know I can’t stop? What could be so fucking important you are BOUND to walk across the road to get?

Choices. Life is all about choices. Do I slam on my brakes, preserve the Canadian, and forge full speed ahead into the pond? Or do I close my eyes, make the curb… and then open them in a sec?… As I was making the curb, I’ll be damned if his neck didn’t come right over the right front headlight in a kinda flopping/snapping motion. Sorry Mr. Canadian, it was me or you.. And I gotta get candles, long johns, food, pet food, batteries for the radio, a flashlight, a wind up clock, manual can opener…

(Sorry this blog is going so slow… know it’s not all it’s quacked up to be.)

I don’t have a grand finale… All I know is…. Ice storms… whilst they suck.. ‘cause older folks to slip/fall… cars to slide.. Insurance companies to pay.. Folks to miss work… freeze their ass off at home.. Pay the piper and the plumber when everything finally thaws and the water pipes gush into our basements.. Where we realize we really friggin’ CAN make it without the internet/TV/music/etc for a few days… ice storms are ok. (If you’ve not been really hurt by them… if you have… truly I’m sorry.)

We get usedta normal.. We plod in the same ole same ole… We drive to work, yet we don’t see what all is along the way.. We wonder and and out of our loved one’s day - yet never sit for 24 hours staring at them wondering whyinthehell they haven’t noticed that long ear hair.

Meteorologists… Another reason… I think they actually are in cahoots with Piggly Wiggly.. I’ve never seen every GD aisle with a checker in there before… Channel 9 says this… Channel 5 says “no, this.”.. Channel 4 guarantees theirs… And we go to bed… Hear the freezing rain pouring down on our roof… and wonder if we’ll wakeup to no heat… no GD way to work.. No light… or… if them sumbitches misssed again….

Life… like ice storms… kinda keeps ya hoppin..

Like a kid on Christmas morning… may you jump outta bed tomorrow in great wonder… Please know - there is no truth to the wive’s tale of ‘shinkage’. Have an’ice’ evening…

Love, Victurd….